RufusACanal

Paulos,

It is time to make a decision and stick to it. Your selfishness is killing you. If you do not want to live, no one can stop you, yet if you want to live, we all can help. Stand up and make the effort Paulos. We are not responsible for your slide to self pity. We are all here to offer a hand, but you must stand up and extend yours. Make a decision and live!

unigirl

I hate to say it paulos but it does seem you are in the serious swamps of self - pity. You must remember there are ppl out there far worse off than you - at least u have a chance to do something about this disease.

I can have HUGE self pity at times - it is still early days for me, but i try to think about all the things i am lucky for and it does help. You may not want to see it - but u do have lots going for you- in that u r alive, have family, have health, have a functioning brain...ok so u have alcoholism- yeh its bad, but there is a solution! As you very well know. I think you need to get to a mtng of A..A personally. Counselling would be good- but at A.A. you will get practical help without the sugar coated symapthy. I needed this myself- as did most of us- as i was so consumed with my own self pity- i hardly needed others feeling sorry for me. We are all rooting for you- as you are aware. It is now time to put in the action and effort required for recovery Paulos.

Rob B

What is your current experience with this? How is your way working?
Do you think recovery is a spectator sport? It is not. What Actions have you taken?

There are many options available, you need to make a decision and then act. People care about you here and want to help. I can't care if you don't.

Dean62

Paulos we are all on your side. I know how you are feeling right now. It doesn't feel like it right now but the people here who are willing to give you "harsh responses" are the ones giving you the best advice. We are alcoholics, candy coated BS won't keep us sober. We can get all the "sympathy" we want from our drinking buddies who don't want to drink alone.

Putting conditions on the kind of help you receive is putting limitations on your opportunities for a successful recovery.

You don't have to stay sober if you don't want to, it is up to you. I know I didn't want to stay sober at your age so I kept at it. The people you love the most, the people who love you the most will stick by you for another 10 years of misery.....maybe.

If you want to stay sober Paulos I will help you all I can.



BTW. I noticed your sig. It is from the song "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath. Good stuff.

NoMoBeer

Paulos
Sorry if I am being direct...

First off, I am sure you are a good person. Let's not take that for granted -- give yourself some credit for wanting to make a change. Second, as someone mentioned -- stop the Pity Party. Pity Parties suck - usually no one shows up anyway, and if anyone does show up, they are not bringing gifts!!! I take that back, I will give you a gift -- sobriety. But you have to WORK for this gift. Some days, you will have to work your ASS off like it's the only thing you are fighting for, and it may be!!!

Look -- I cannot speak for other folks, but I for one am a STRONG willed person. When I set out to do something -- I get it done!!!! There was one challenge that I could NOT handle on my own -- alcohol. If I stack up my will against alcohol, alcohol wins every single time. I had to learn that lesson over the course of about a year and a half. I got sober, then drunk, then repeat the cycle. I just could not figure out why I could not stop drinking. ??????? Finally one day, I just admitted it -- I was beaten down as far as I wanted to go. I needed to surrender -- and that was when I took that first step. Step One tells me that I am powerless over alcohol, and my life had become unmanageable. My butt was whooped enough to let me feel that deep in my core. That was October of 2004, I have not had a drink since (and I am not even THIRSTY!!!!)....

Let yourself go there, will you? Find a meeting, get to it, and get to work!!!

Most of us on SR would agree -- we cannot beat this alone.

But Paulos, you have to WANT to be sober. Right now you want to be drunk and stew in your 'stuff,' somehow it is making you feel 'right.'

Life ONLY gets better when the alcohol is removed. If you can't remove the alcohol and start to recover on your own, get some HELP!

Just my 2 cents.

Ken

Tazman53

Paulos you know I kept trying like you to quit drinking my way, alone, no help, no one giving me suggestions, just my will power.

Guess what Paulos?

Alcohol won!!!! It beat me, it beat me to the point that I surrendered to alcohol!!!!

It felt good, I was not fighting alcohol any more, I just drank, I drank all I wanted when and where I wanted and I felt darn good, I was not a loser anymore, I was a drunk!!!!

I stayed good and drunk and happy as a clam just drinking all I wanted when I wanted, it was great........ until I had a moment of clarity!!!

I saw my life fast forward in front of me, I saw me losing family, friends, home, truck, everything except my bottle!!!! After that I saw a slow painful death from alcoholism!

This was my turning point, this was when I was finally able to admit to myself that I had to stop drinking but I did not know how to stop! I was finally willing to reach out for help!

Paulos are you going to stay on the pity pot and drink your self to death while crying "Poor me, poor Paulos, I am not willing to help myself by asking for help. I would rather die drinking and crying on my pity pot!"

Paulos unless you get off of that pity pot and do something you are going to die from drinking. Reach out for help, it is there, but you have to take action!!!

Throw down the game controller, turn off the computor, get off that pity pot, pick up the phone and call some one and say "I need help, will you help me if I am willing to help myself?"

I promise you that if you make the phone call and are willing to help yourself there are tons of people that would love to help you, but you have to be willing to help your self as well.

353

Hi Paulos, If you're still hanging around here, I'd like to tell you what I got from a recovery program.

I got a chance to use my 30 years of experience with alcohol and drugs, all the pain, guilt,shame, helplessness and hopelessness to help other people.

I have good days. Those days I can use to spread hope to those around me, perhaps a friend is going through a tough time, I can be there to let them know I care.

I have bad days. Those days I can use to remind myself that I'm not perfect and I give my friends the opportunity to help me. Why? Because I know the joy recieved from helping others, my troubles are an opportunity.

I my world giving and recieving have become the same, the scorecard of who I owe and who owes me has been thrown away.

Paulos, go help others, let them share their hope with you, they need you!

Peace

Emimily

why are you wasting your breath? he's not listening. AAers who've read the big book know about trying to help the man who doesn't want it... don't waste your time trying to persuade someone who doesn't want what you have, turn your attention to another man who suffers and is looking for a solution. this kid's been singing the same song since i got here, nothing changes if nothing changes.

he's not stupid, he's attention seeking. don't take the bait, help someone else!

problemchild

Paulos, it is very obvious that you are not ready to quit, you have not reached your bottom,You are in my prayers and i hope your bottom is before death, for some that is the bottom and i hope thats not the case for you..

Take care,

John

RufusACanal

One last thought, we members of SR are not skilled in anyone's mental illness, much less are own. The help needs to start with you Paulos, you must make a decision to want to live free of the OCD, the depression, the Booze and the drugs. By your actions and your words you are pushing us away and for that you are responsible,we are not. I pray you make a decision to accept responsibility for your mental illness and your inability to live life on life's terms. Best to you in all.

problemchild

Just to add a little something, when you do deciede you need help there will still be people here for you, me included

Take care,

John

paulmh

Paulos

Keep coming here, reading and posting. Something will click.

Don't let people's harsh words drive you off. You're worth it, and when you're ready your teacher will come.

Thinking of you. How quickly we forget the hell of despair.

reed

Paulos, it probably would be best if you....

...started working on the building...

nandm

Paulos this may come across harsh but please consider what it is your really want......are you looking for sympathy or a solution.

From what I have seen of the multitude of threads you have started each one has the same underlying theme. "I demand to do it my way", you way isn't working, people show you support, people offer you solutions, you wind up drunk again, and once again say "I demand to do it my way." The circle continues. This circle leads me to believe your are interested in sympathy not a solution. I will leave your threads to those that can be sympathetic (I have empathy for any alcoholic but can not waste time on someone who is just taking up my resources and time wanting sympathy). Good luck on your quest.

Ever hear the story about the boy who cried wolf?

Done_With_It

When I had enough despair to feel insane it was over my eating disorder.
I fought like hell to get into a treatment program. It was a hard core
Christian place, which I am not, but that did not matter. What mattered
was I was desperate for someone to help me because I knew I could
no longer help myself out of the hell I had dug my way into.

Three months later I emerged into a new person.

If you are desperate enough to change, check yourself into a hospital,
let someone else figure you out, help you figure out what is going on.

What have you got to lose? I felt I had dug so deep if I could not stand
the pain any longer. I didn't care what they did to me in there.
Best decision I ever made for myself.
Also the scariest time in my life probably.

Let someone else help you.
Just make the decision and do it.

:ghug

Paulos

I DO Want to be sober... thanks nomobeer...

warrens

Good, Paulos!

But remember, the only place that success comes before work is in the dictionary...

warren

NoMoBeer

I am MORE than happy to help, as are many others here on SR -- so many people pulling for you, but YOU have to pull for you...

What's the plan?

Paulos

Try to keep a good attitude up and not fall down again, but I'm being called a kid and a lot of people here are losing patience with me so I think I may stay away for a while... thanks to all who cared about helping me though.

sugErspun

I didn't know I needed help for a long time.

Then I didn't want help.

Then I didn't like the help that was offered.

Then I became angry at those who offered, and I sank further into despair, drank more, numbed the world.

Then I was tired and I didn't care.

I was willing to do anything, even listen to suggestions and do exactly what they told me to do.

It sounds like you are almost there Paulos. It doesn't have to get worse, but if you don't start moving your feet - I can tell you that it probably will get worse.

Worse than even now. I've been where you are, and it got worse.

I am lucky to be alive.