unigirl

Hi all,
Im just over 6 weeks sober this time round, nearly made 2 months last time but relapsed due to denial and unaccpetance (i used the fact that im 20 as an xcuse too) . I don't want that again. I was promised my drinking would only get worse, as alcoholism is a disease which progresses- and yep, it sure was worse. So yeh, i don't want to drink again. However at the same time im still haveing to battle with my mind wanting it now and again. I must say this urge has really lowered in frequency considerably as of late. I'm really thaknful for that, as i really hate having the thoughts of wanting a drink.

I just want the desire removed. Im in A.A., i have a sponser, i attend meetings regularly, i am doing my step 2 this sund - everything in recovery is going well forme. I am very grateful for A..A (and sr too of course!) But i must say these urges are realling p*ssing me off!!! I have one now so thought it's be a good idea to share it. Im going to my group meeting tonight, dont always feel comfortable there though- everyone is lovely, but i am very shy and also can get very anxious and nervous during the mtngs - i can get the odd panic attack- social situations can be very difficult for me.

But yeh back to my point, im basically just looking for some advice with these bloody thoughts of wanting a drink now and again.
I know after my meeting ill be ok, but then im sure ill have another urge in the next few days/week.

Another thing is i am single still, after 3 years nearly, and really want a b/f but no its recommened to wait a year or so. I can get very self pitying over this. I feel lonely at times- despite having mates and family. I knw i shud just b grateful for what i do have but argg! Its been so long sinc ei had a b/f- all my mates have them and i just feel jelous to be frank! Lol, soz 4 the little rant, just needed to share this now! thanks

nandm

Have you worked the Steps? Until I did that my obsession did not go away. It is never too soon to work them. My experience is the sooner the better and working through each of them promptly (not waiting months or weeks between Steps) is what worked best for me. When I finished one Step I was on to the next. No break between.

sugErspun

I don't have any advice about the dating scene, or what you should or shouldn't be doing.

But

When I was on step 2 - I felt aweful. It is not a comfortable place to be- you have an illness and condition that you admitted at step 1 you are unable to fix. (We never grow new legs...) - You are powerless over the fact that you are alcoholic and will drink again, unless God intervenes.

This is a process..you haven't completed step 3 yet, so I would not expect the obsession to be removed. You are exactly where you are supposed to be, feeling how you are supposed to feel.

Like it has been put to me "For an alcoholic to be sober is a terrible condition - you medicine has been taken away. It will take awhile for you to rely on the new prescription for living".

Thank you for sharing where you are. Six weeks!! great!

unigirl

Thanku nandm and suger, i appreciate your comments. Its good to know that i am where i am supposed to be- i guess it is something that should take time. I'm hoping to complete step 2 this sund- or through the following week, and will go straight onto 3.

As for the dating thing - i do want a b/f but know it's not something i need in my lfe for a good while- and it's something im cool with most of the time, but now and again i can get a bit down about it. Such is life! ty.

scottnyc

Take the steps, it's what will make those cravings subside, and take the suggestions 90 meetings in 90 days, learn to listen and listen to learn, no relationships for the first year, get a sponsor

nandm

Sounds like you are heading the right direction. By the way, I am glad you are here. I have enjoyed reading your posts, you contribute a lot of good experience, strength, and hope. Hope you stay with us for a while.

scottnyc

THe best thing to do is don't drink, go to meetings and work the steps. Keep reading the big book daily and work with a sponsor. Put that hand up and meetings and ask for help.

29a

The obsessions started to be lifted for me after step 5, by the time my major ammends had been made, it was gone. then it's just a question of maintaning that through daily practice of 10-12.
When I was new, I stayed as busy as possible and as active as I could be in AA. I tried not to give myself time to think about booze and I stayed away from places and people that reminded me of it.

I was always told that a sponsors job is to take you through the steps. Not to be relationship councelors, money lenders etc.

That being said I have seen people early in sobriety get into issues with dating.
I personally started dating my current girlfriend, who is in the program, when I had 4 months. Our relationship is great.

nandm

On the relationship issue. I can only speak of my experience.

I started dating someone at 3 months sobriety. We were in an exclusive relationship when I was 6 months sober. We have been together nearly 7 years. Both of us are recovering alcoholics. She has 9 years this year and I will have 7 tomorrow. Although any relationship is work at times, I have found this one to be well worth any work that comes along with it. My relationships while drinking were insanity. I spent the majority of my time in abusive, emotionally and a couple physically, relationships when I drank. Today my relationship is built on a mutual trust, love, and respect. I do not have any regrets.

I have seen relationships in early sobriety fail. I have seen people use those failures as an excuse to get drunk. Does that mean all relationships in early sobriety are bad? Who knows. I just know that mine worked but I had to make sure I did not let my relationship get in the way of working my program of recovery. That has to be the number one thing in my life because without my recovery I will not have a relationship.

Anna

Hi,

I'm glad you are posting.

I understand that you feel lonely without a boyfriend. But, I believe it is so important to spend this time getting to know yourself. Develop a relationship with yourself and enjoy spending time in the skin you're in. It will be worth it and the friends and boyfriends will come along when you are ready for them.

As for the urges, it might take awhile for them to stop, but getting through them without drinking is the way to go.

elite33

I know just how you feel, except I am 33 and have been sober for only 18 months and that was just because I was pregnant with my son. I abused alcohol and many other drugs. At least you are willingly fighting this battle now at 20! That says a lot about you. At your age, I neither acknowledged I had a problem or did anything at all to control my use and abuse. I commend you, and please realize also that any behavior you have had long enough to call a habit is difficult to change, much less a physically addictive habit.

This is definitley a battle and you can win! It took me a long time to stop craving and that is just because your mind remembers the feeling and as addicts and alcoholics we have used these substances to escape bad feelings and stress and now we have to face those things.

It is not easy, but the best advice I can give you is be aware of your feelings - you are normal to have cravings, but what I said to myself is "I can't say I will never drink or use drugs again, but I can say it won't be today!" or "yes, I would like to have that, but look at the destruction this caused in my life in the past". You really do have to take it one day at a time. Looking at maintaining a certain behavior the rest of your life is too overwhelming.

You can do it! I now work as a substance abuse counselor in a prison with the inmate population. Life does go on, and we can use our experiences to help other people who have been in the same positions that we have whether that includes drugs and alcohol or not. I feel like what I am doing is a win/win because it reminds me why I have to stay away from this behavior and I can help others who are where I used to be. I support you and if need to talk to someone I am here!!

unigirl

Thanks nandm, that was nice of you - i do enjoy posting here and recieving help too Thankyou also for sharing your personal exp with regards to relationships in ealry sobriety- i know it's a tricky one. I guess we're all different, if it's meant to be it will be.
Thanks anna also, i espeically liked what you said about getting comfortable with me before i embark on a relationship- i realise this too can differ from persn to persn and i believe it will take me a while- definatley more than a couple of months! But hey ho, i'm getting there- a day at a time! Thanku to Elite too- i can see how important it is to keep things in the day- i often forget this though- so will try to keep it in my mind for back up when the next urge comes along- thanks for offering support too.
I really find such feedback very helpful- i do get advice at my meetings- but sometimes i feel more comfortable with SR to share and learn from others- like yourselves- so cheers guys.
I am feeling better after my meeting, was a good 1. I noticed a few hotties in the room tonight but im quite happy to just to look for now lol! When i ready i will know i guess, and then i can maybe embark on a good relationship. For now i know i have to keep my recovery first- as my sponser says, when im looking at other sim not looking at me- and lets face it, right now i have to be looking at me so i can better on the program. Then hopefully one day i'll b able to help a newcmer like myself

redshift

Hi unigirl,

I think we have a lot in common in our situations - it's tough being young and remaining determined to not drink. I can't speak from much experience, as I'm at the same point you are, but I do think it's gotten easier for me to control, or at least recognize the urges. One thing I've noticed is that to get past an urge, I need to take action - go outside for a walk, clean my room, play guitar, anything - posting a thread is a great way too I feel that by not making a decision to get up and do something else, I AM making decision to let the urge stay there and gnaw away at me.

As far as relationships go, I hear ya on that longing... a big part of why I decided to quit was that I squandered a lot of my recent relationships, and my most recent one was really tough for me to take, as she meant the world to me, and all I had to blame was myself and the booze. Those first few weeks after it ended, I would have done ANYTHING to get someone back in my life like that. Now, a few months later, I realize that it's really about me at this point, and nobody else. Everyone's different, but for me I feel that focusing on recovery and self-improvement/change now will yield much better relationships down the road.

Just hang in there, I think it will get easier for us both as we get further into our sobriety

- RS