Here's one, and it's long...sorry.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Posts: 565
Here's one, and it's long...sorry.
What do you do when all your families' activities revolve around drinking? My family is filled with heavy drinkers, I'm the first to say "no more."
1. My girlfriend and her father invited me to a wine pairing dinner the other night. I went, but refused the wine and felt like a jerk. "I wasn't getting the whole experience." Even the waiter told me that.
2. My entire family was in town and they decided to take a day trip to a winery. I didn't go. They are all mad at me for not being "part of the family"
3. They were all in town because it's my grandfather's 90'th birthday. I didn't want to have any champagne, and was told that I was "hurting" the old guy because I didn't want to participate.
These are all people who know I struggle. The depression sinks deeper every day...am I supposed to cut off my family too?
Sorry everyone, I just feel like such a jerk. Please share un-understanding family stories...
1. My girlfriend and her father invited me to a wine pairing dinner the other night. I went, but refused the wine and felt like a jerk. "I wasn't getting the whole experience." Even the waiter told me that.
2. My entire family was in town and they decided to take a day trip to a winery. I didn't go. They are all mad at me for not being "part of the family"
3. They were all in town because it's my grandfather's 90'th birthday. I didn't want to have any champagne, and was told that I was "hurting" the old guy because I didn't want to participate.
These are all people who know I struggle. The depression sinks deeper every day...am I supposed to cut off my family too?
Sorry everyone, I just feel like such a jerk. Please share un-understanding family stories...
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
This is a constant question and in fact won't ever completely go away as long as we are part of the world. I have always hoped that my participation in the event by my presence was more important than if I participate in the activities of drinking.
I have on several occasions been part of wine pairing dinners for both social and business purposes. When I have asked for either grape juice or some other beverage I have been asked, "why no wine?" and I have simply said that I am 8 years sober and tonight may not be a good night to change that. Usually there is a comment or two about "good for you" or even a statement of concern such as, "does our drinking bother you?" and I simply thank them for their concern and indicate that since I knew I was an alcoholic prior to dinner their drinking isn't going to shock me into that discovery. Some chuckles will follow and the dinner goes on.
Trips to a winery, the Napa Valley in my part of the world, are great, but they do tend to have less enjoyment for me than those who drink the wine. The valley and the food are still wonderful, but I suspect I know what a eunuch may feel like in a brothel!
Birthdays, weddings, and other celebrations do not depend on my drinking in order to be just as special as they are. club soda, water, or another beverage has just as much SYMBOLIC well wishes as does alcohol.
In short, if we bring something to the gathering by our presence and our personality then I would hope that our friends and family are glad that we are there. If YOU are not sure that your sobriety will remain in tact during any of the above mentioned situations then it is your choice and obligation to yourself not to attend.
Life is about change and growth and I have never felt that my getting and remaining sober has ever been a negative growth step. I do believe that I am better company sober than I am drunk.
Best of luck and as Shakespeare wrote "to thine own self be true."
Jon
I have on several occasions been part of wine pairing dinners for both social and business purposes. When I have asked for either grape juice or some other beverage I have been asked, "why no wine?" and I have simply said that I am 8 years sober and tonight may not be a good night to change that. Usually there is a comment or two about "good for you" or even a statement of concern such as, "does our drinking bother you?" and I simply thank them for their concern and indicate that since I knew I was an alcoholic prior to dinner their drinking isn't going to shock me into that discovery. Some chuckles will follow and the dinner goes on.
Trips to a winery, the Napa Valley in my part of the world, are great, but they do tend to have less enjoyment for me than those who drink the wine. The valley and the food are still wonderful, but I suspect I know what a eunuch may feel like in a brothel!
Birthdays, weddings, and other celebrations do not depend on my drinking in order to be just as special as they are. club soda, water, or another beverage has just as much SYMBOLIC well wishes as does alcohol.
In short, if we bring something to the gathering by our presence and our personality then I would hope that our friends and family are glad that we are there. If YOU are not sure that your sobriety will remain in tact during any of the above mentioned situations then it is your choice and obligation to yourself not to attend.
Life is about change and growth and I have never felt that my getting and remaining sober has ever been a negative growth step. I do believe that I am better company sober than I am drunk.
Best of luck and as Shakespeare wrote "to thine own self be true."
Jon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Posts: 565
That was a good share. Thank you!
"I have been asked, "why no wine?" and I have simply said that I am 8 years sober and tonight may not be a good night to change that."
I'm going to steal that line. Although I can't say 8 years, I'm still going to use it.
HP bless you for being able to be so open with your dinner partners. I'm not there yet.
"I have been asked, "why no wine?" and I have simply said that I am 8 years sober and tonight may not be a good night to change that."
I'm going to steal that line. Although I can't say 8 years, I'm still going to use it.
HP bless you for being able to be so open with your dinner partners. I'm not there yet.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
I drank for 25 years and as I said have been sober these last 8 plus and I can assure you the sober part has been a much more rewarding and better quality life. It is tough, but I have found that it has been well worth it.
Remember that your sobriety is unique to you just as mine is to me and I rely on what will work for me socially and not what others say I HAVE to do based on their lives. Stay close to the higher power and if you are like me AA.
Great to make your acquaintance,
Jon
Remember that your sobriety is unique to you just as mine is to me and I rely on what will work for me socially and not what others say I HAVE to do based on their lives. Stay close to the higher power and if you are like me AA.
Great to make your acquaintance,
Jon
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
HP bless you for being able to be so open with your dinner partners. I'm not there yet.
You will be amazed at how many non-alcoholics hold a recovered alcoholic in catagory above others because they know folks who could not do what you have done and are now dead due to alcholism.
Naturally Occuring Phenomenon
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 437
Everyone in my family is a heavy drinking alchie. I asked for help & they put me in the 'hab. Which was good. Now they don't know how to act around me. It doesn't seem like they even want me around. The most things we do together involve drinking. I suppose I'm a family outcast as well with no solution. They say they want me around, however, I don't believe it. Rehab f*cked my life up in more ways than one, no doubt there. I have more problems now than I did before I went in. Now I'm sober with more issues to deal with.
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