I'm about to fall off the wagon.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: South East US
Posts: 19
I'm about to fall off the wagon.....
i don't know why but today i can't help it i'm about to have a drink and i don't care. my husband drinks in front of me every night and i've asked him not to; or at least slow it down. i'm so tired of his anger and moodiness and drinking and smoking and he claims to be proud of my keeping fit, and staying sober but does nothing to change his ways and stay healthy and i'm f-ing sick of it so FFFFFF it. maybe if i fall off the wagon today and have a few it will prove to him that he needs to at least try to help me out a bit. fing a$$hole. wish me luck!!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 20
Im prob not the best person to comment here hun, but DONT DO IT!!!! I envy your sobriety 7.12.06 thats fantastic!!! Please dont throw all your hard work away. You are worth more than that!!!! Thinking of you
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi,
The thing is, your sobriety is up to you. It's not about your husband. It would be nice if he was supportive, but lots of us don't have supportive people in our lives. You need to stay sober for yourself.
If your husband is drinking in front you, why not try leaving the room? Go into the bedroom and read a book or go out for a walk. You can do this!
The thing is, your sobriety is up to you. It's not about your husband. It would be nice if he was supportive, but lots of us don't have supportive people in our lives. You need to stay sober for yourself.
If your husband is drinking in front you, why not try leaving the room? Go into the bedroom and read a book or go out for a walk. You can do this!
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
If it were possible for us to learn from others mistakes none of us would have a problem with alcohol.
If you want him to understand why not try communication? Talk to him. Let him know that you are trying to stay sober and that right now when you are around someone while they are drinking it is very difficult for you. Ask him if he would be willing to be supportive and try not drinking around you. Drinking to try and get your point across is like showing a picture to a blind man and expecting him to know what the picture is of. None of us are mindreaders. If I want someone to understand where I am coming from I have to let them know where I am coming from with words.
Good luck. My experience is drinking is not the solution to any problem. It tends to make things worse not better.
If you want him to understand why not try communication? Talk to him. Let him know that you are trying to stay sober and that right now when you are around someone while they are drinking it is very difficult for you. Ask him if he would be willing to be supportive and try not drinking around you. Drinking to try and get your point across is like showing a picture to a blind man and expecting him to know what the picture is of. None of us are mindreaders. If I want someone to understand where I am coming from I have to let them know where I am coming from with words.
Good luck. My experience is drinking is not the solution to any problem. It tends to make things worse not better.
Naturally Occuring Phenomenon
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 437
You shouldn't drink "at" people, it really is not a good idea. Instead, play a joke on him, something simple like dumping an entire bucket of ice cold water on his head while he is in the shower.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: TX
Posts: 542
Anytime I would drink to get at someone I was the one that suffered the consequences. You have too much time invested in your sobriety. Think of how hard it was to quit last time, it gets harder every time.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
Drinking poison and waiting for the "other" person to die is not a proven method of revenge.
I have settled for looking after the welfare of the fellow that I shave every morning and letting the rest of the world look after their problems. We as recovering alcoholics often want our "sacrifice" of abstinence from alcohol to be rewarded with a life that is free from "problems" and those around us to understand how difficult this sobriety trip can be. I know I certainly have had those feelings, but it doesn't work that way for some reason. I have even looked for an 800 number in the front of the Big Book so that I could call New York and complain about this FLAW in the program, however it just isn't designed that way.
Do you feel better about yourself? Are YOU proud of your progress and the changes that you have accomplished? Are you in better physical shape? Are you more productive sober than you were drunk? DO YOU LIKE YOU MORE WHEN YOU ARE SOBER than you did when you were a drunk?
If you answered yes to any of these then you may have your reason to stay sober.
Jon
I have settled for looking after the welfare of the fellow that I shave every morning and letting the rest of the world look after their problems. We as recovering alcoholics often want our "sacrifice" of abstinence from alcohol to be rewarded with a life that is free from "problems" and those around us to understand how difficult this sobriety trip can be. I know I certainly have had those feelings, but it doesn't work that way for some reason. I have even looked for an 800 number in the front of the Big Book so that I could call New York and complain about this FLAW in the program, however it just isn't designed that way.
Do you feel better about yourself? Are YOU proud of your progress and the changes that you have accomplished? Are you in better physical shape? Are you more productive sober than you were drunk? DO YOU LIKE YOU MORE WHEN YOU ARE SOBER than you did when you were a drunk?
If you answered yes to any of these then you may have your reason to stay sober.
Jon
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Right here somewhere
Posts: 509
sounds like plenty of reasons to drink to me....
what happens when you dont have anyone to blame for your choice to drink,,...and you gotta drink to keep off the shakes and the pukes?
just playing the tape all the way thru.
what happens when you dont have anyone to blame for your choice to drink,,...and you gotta drink to keep off the shakes and the pukes?
just playing the tape all the way thru.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 558
Hi hjwl, it must be very difficult for you to live with someone who not only drinks but is angry and moody aswell. You say...
"maybe if i fall off the wagon today and have a few it will prove to him that he needs to at least try to help me out a bit. "
This sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that drinking would not only be a good idea, but that it would actually be of benefit to you and help you not to drink by changing your husband's ways. I'm sure you've heard before on this forum that you can't change others - you can just change yourselfr and perhaps your attitude to the other person.
Well, thats a bit how I think when I want a drink anyway. I actually manage to tell myself that its a good idea and will, in some roundabout, way benefit me!
Anyway, as above, think it through and think of the positive things you've achieved.
Hope you don't mind my input, I'm not exactly an expert, and I haven't been sober as long as you!
"maybe if i fall off the wagon today and have a few it will prove to him that he needs to at least try to help me out a bit. "
This sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that drinking would not only be a good idea, but that it would actually be of benefit to you and help you not to drink by changing your husband's ways. I'm sure you've heard before on this forum that you can't change others - you can just change yourselfr and perhaps your attitude to the other person.
Well, thats a bit how I think when I want a drink anyway. I actually manage to tell myself that its a good idea and will, in some roundabout, way benefit me!
Anyway, as above, think it through and think of the positive things you've achieved.
Hope you don't mind my input, I'm not exactly an expert, and I haven't been sober as long as you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 410
If this helps... I have actually moved away from whom I used to call my better half by bettering myself. I was drinking because I didn't want to face that things were not right.
A much more clear head is not always a blessing... the natural response is to fog yourself.... but that didn't work for me for years.
Do what you need to do for your sanity... but it can't be a drink.
A much more clear head is not always a blessing... the natural response is to fog yourself.... but that didn't work for me for years.
Do what you need to do for your sanity... but it can't be a drink.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
I notice your tagline says "Struggling Every Day"
It really doesn't have to be that way.
What have you done to stay sober since 12/2006?
Do you participate in recovery? What is it gonna take to get you to really want sobriety (struggling every day is not part of the program I live) ?
Maybe a good case of the jitters will be worth it if it makes you reach out and accept real help rather than sympathy.
It really doesn't have to be that way.
What have you done to stay sober since 12/2006?
Do you participate in recovery? What is it gonna take to get you to really want sobriety (struggling every day is not part of the program I live) ?
Maybe a good case of the jitters will be worth it if it makes you reach out and accept real help rather than sympathy.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 386
I used to drink "at" others all the time, it turns out the only liver I was hurting was my own.
My kids would be the ones to not have a mother, and I would be stuck living and dying with shame and guilt.
Learn to be your own best friend, go and make yourself a New Life, sobriety isn't about hanging on by your fingernails, a fulfilling recovery is a journey of self discovery.
hugs to you, you can do this
Seren
My kids would be the ones to not have a mother, and I would be stuck living and dying with shame and guilt.
Learn to be your own best friend, go and make yourself a New Life, sobriety isn't about hanging on by your fingernails, a fulfilling recovery is a journey of self discovery.
hugs to you, you can do this
Seren
Sober 22 years and relapsed
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: WA
Posts: 33
When being a drunk has such a terrible impact on your life, you have to weigh which one is worse, the husband or the booze.
If your husband doesn't take all of this serious enough then, as easy as it may come across to you, it may be time to leave him. It may make him realize how serious you are hopefully.
I'm not an advocate of divorce but sometimes at least a separation to wake the other person up may be an option to consider.
If your husband doesn't take all of this serious enough then, as easy as it may come across to you, it may be time to leave him. It may make him realize how serious you are hopefully.
I'm not an advocate of divorce but sometimes at least a separation to wake the other person up may be an option to consider.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Best of luck to you.
I was always told we're already drunk emotionally long before we take that first drink, and I'm sure reading it here.
I know I spent a good three months setting myself up before I relapsed.
I care not to repeat that experience.
Please do come back and share what it was like for you when you are done.
I doubt the old demon alcohol has changed at all!
I was always told we're already drunk emotionally long before we take that first drink, and I'm sure reading it here.
I know I spent a good three months setting myself up before I relapsed.
I care not to repeat that experience.
Please do come back and share what it was like for you when you are done.
I doubt the old demon alcohol has changed at all!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Cumming, Ga
Posts: 665
I could have given you a hundred reasons and excuses why I picked up a drink after a period of sobriety. Wife doesn't do what I want, they're not treating me right at work, my creditors are disrespecting me....blah, blah, blah. It doesn't matter how it plays out, put you're own life situation into the blank. But the truth of the matter is that I drank because I needed relief. I needed relief from unbearable psychic pain due to untreated alcoholism. I didn't have a program so I didn't have a new solution. And without a new solution, I always go back to the old solution....alcohol. If you hope you can drink, then I hope it for you. However, if you want to recover, we can help you. When I came back into AA, that's what I was told. If someone had come up and said, just keep coming on back, you'll be alright, I'd have been gone. Intead, I had some guys tell me straight out, " If you want to do this deal, we can help you" " We can show you a way of living that will make sense to you" This can happen for you too.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
