Hi, I'm new.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: midwest
Posts: 34
Hi, I'm new.
Good morning.
Well, I know enough about addiction to know my situation isn't special, or that far off-base from many others. And still I feel the need to explain (which makes me quite long-winded sometimes, this insatiable desire for people to understand what I'm saying).
My problem isn't getting sober necessarily, it's staying sober. I don't drink everyday, but I do drink once or twice a week. Usually it's one or two drinks. But not always.
The problem is, of course, that I can't always predict just who might show up after that first drink.
80% of the time it's the responsible gal who's just having a social glass of wine at a gathering, or a glass of beer to unwind from a tough day with two toddlers. The other 20% of the time though, it's the rowdy,-gosh-I-deserve-a-break, ahh-it-feels-so-good-to-just-relax, hey-I'm-not-driving (usually), let's-top-the-off-the-evening-with-a-guinness-and-pick-up-a-six-pack-on-the-way-home lady who shows up.
The hangover from a night like that (anxiety & irresponsibility naging at my soul) swears me into not drinking to that extent for a loooong while.
And usually I don't.
At least for a few weeks.
I quit smoking 864 days ago (but who's counting, right?). I happen to know the exact days because of the online community to which I belong keeps count by days. Anyway, it has been, by far, one of the most incredibly rewarding experiences of my life! I think stopping drinking could be the same.
I'm in the discovery stage right now. I know I'm just prolonging the inevitable, but I'm not quite ready to take that leap yet. I know I'm close, since I'm here.
It's so funny how I catch the things I'm saying and hear them as what they are: excuses and justifications to continue using. Well, I hopefully what I learned from quitting smoking will serve me well in this aspect.
Well, that's all for now. More later as I try to wrap my brain around this. Thanks for listening.
Well, I know enough about addiction to know my situation isn't special, or that far off-base from many others. And still I feel the need to explain (which makes me quite long-winded sometimes, this insatiable desire for people to understand what I'm saying).
My problem isn't getting sober necessarily, it's staying sober. I don't drink everyday, but I do drink once or twice a week. Usually it's one or two drinks. But not always.
The problem is, of course, that I can't always predict just who might show up after that first drink.
80% of the time it's the responsible gal who's just having a social glass of wine at a gathering, or a glass of beer to unwind from a tough day with two toddlers. The other 20% of the time though, it's the rowdy,-gosh-I-deserve-a-break, ahh-it-feels-so-good-to-just-relax, hey-I'm-not-driving (usually), let's-top-the-off-the-evening-with-a-guinness-and-pick-up-a-six-pack-on-the-way-home lady who shows up.
The hangover from a night like that (anxiety & irresponsibility naging at my soul) swears me into not drinking to that extent for a loooong while.
And usually I don't.
At least for a few weeks.
I quit smoking 864 days ago (but who's counting, right?). I happen to know the exact days because of the online community to which I belong keeps count by days. Anyway, it has been, by far, one of the most incredibly rewarding experiences of my life! I think stopping drinking could be the same.
I'm in the discovery stage right now. I know I'm just prolonging the inevitable, but I'm not quite ready to take that leap yet. I know I'm close, since I'm here.
It's so funny how I catch the things I'm saying and hear them as what they are: excuses and justifications to continue using. Well, I hopefully what I learned from quitting smoking will serve me well in this aspect.
Well, that's all for now. More later as I try to wrap my brain around this. Thanks for listening.
~Author of My Life~
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't....
Posts: 4,796
(((((((WELCOME!!))))))))
Good Morning Happycamper, Glad you found us. You will find a lot of support and understanding here, so just come on in and make yourself at home and feel free to post on any forum you may find helpful. Hope to see ya around!!
Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie
Good Morning Happycamper, Glad you found us. You will find a lot of support and understanding here, so just come on in and make yourself at home and feel free to post on any forum you may find helpful. Hope to see ya around!!
Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie
Member
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Australia
Posts: 610
Hi Happycamper,
welcome to the forums! As Tammie said, make yourself at home.
I can relate to your feelings of anxiety and irresponsibility, I've had many days spent like that. If you want to stop and finding it hard, there are many ways you can get help.
Have a read and see if you identify with any of the other posts. If you have any questions, go ahead and ask. There's lots of help to be found here.
Amy
welcome to the forums! As Tammie said, make yourself at home.
I can relate to your feelings of anxiety and irresponsibility, I've had many days spent like that. If you want to stop and finding it hard, there are many ways you can get help.
Have a read and see if you identify with any of the other posts. If you have any questions, go ahead and ask. There's lots of help to be found here.
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: midwest
Posts: 34
this is interesting. I just found an old thread of mine from February that I had posted my quitting smoking site. I'm going to repost it here as a way to collect my thoughts on all this. This was the last time I tried to quit drinking:
========================
This is really, really hard for me to write. No I didn't lose my quit last night, but I have other issues it seems.
Last night a friend and I went out for a drink and a movie. We didn’t make it to the movie. Instead we just sat at the bar and had a few drinks and a couple appetizers. We are both stay at home moms and were thrilled to have a conversation that didn’t center around The Wiggles or Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches. Sounds like fun, eh?
Well it was, until I woke up at 4:00 a.m. with that old familiar guilt-ridden anxiety that accompanies me after any evening of overindulgence. These days it doesn’t take much considering I seldom partake in such behavior anymore. Since the last two years I’ve been smokefree, I have cut way back on drinking. What I have discovered though, or rather admitted to myself today, is that sometimes I have no control over how much I drink.
Once we made the decision to skip the movie and just chat, I ordered another beer. As I did, I said to the bartender, “I don’t care if I beg you. This is my last beer. Don’t let me have another one.” Three beers later we left. For some reason it seemed like a good idea to pick up a 6 pack on the way home so I could have another one before I went to bad. The idea being that since I’d already had four (two el grando mugs & two smaller), I may as well indulge myself a bit more, I deserved it, after all.
This morning I made the decision that I have to stop drinking. The kind of junkie thinking going on last night is reminiscent of my cigarette days – totally out of control and anything to justify my actions. It's just too unhealthy for my mind, body and spirit to go on like this. I can’t explain all the whirling going on in my head, and I’ll just save that for another day. But I want to put this out here to help myself hold myself accountable, if that makes sense. This isn’t the first time I’ve attempted this, especially in the last year or so. But it is the first time I’ve admitted out loud and on paper that I have a problem that needs to be addressed.
One of my weird junkie whispers began saying things about my 3D life like, “What are you going to tell people? Nobody even thinks you have a drinking problem. In fact if you say anything, they’ll probably just think you’re trying to get attention, or laugh it off as just another phase or something.” Well fine! then I won’t deal with the people in 3D then, if anyone asks me why I’m not drinking, my standard answer will be that I couldn’t always control my alcohol intake, so I figured it was best not to test it anymore. I don’t know why this is a hard part about this, but I am so grateful for the Q so that I have a place to go to get started on this.
These backsliding questions my junkie keeps bringing up soooo reminds me of when I was first quitting smoking. “Do I have to change my gadget?” “Should I start over again?” You know, all the details to throw me off course, to justify continuing my behavior. When I was finally able to get serious about quitting smoking was when I realized that those details don’t matter. The answer is to do whatever it takes to stay the course.
I'm not sure if any of this makes any sense to anyone, but again, I am so thankful to have someplace to go where I feel ok about talking about this.
Whew, that was hard.
===============
Wow. I hardly know what to say.
I need to put this out here as part my process of getting honest with myself.
I was able to stop drinking for a couple weeks and then it was back on the social bandwagon. I've probably been drunk 5 times since then. But the one or two drink evenings have become more often.
========================
This is really, really hard for me to write. No I didn't lose my quit last night, but I have other issues it seems.
Last night a friend and I went out for a drink and a movie. We didn’t make it to the movie. Instead we just sat at the bar and had a few drinks and a couple appetizers. We are both stay at home moms and were thrilled to have a conversation that didn’t center around The Wiggles or Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches. Sounds like fun, eh?
Well it was, until I woke up at 4:00 a.m. with that old familiar guilt-ridden anxiety that accompanies me after any evening of overindulgence. These days it doesn’t take much considering I seldom partake in such behavior anymore. Since the last two years I’ve been smokefree, I have cut way back on drinking. What I have discovered though, or rather admitted to myself today, is that sometimes I have no control over how much I drink.
Once we made the decision to skip the movie and just chat, I ordered another beer. As I did, I said to the bartender, “I don’t care if I beg you. This is my last beer. Don’t let me have another one.” Three beers later we left. For some reason it seemed like a good idea to pick up a 6 pack on the way home so I could have another one before I went to bad. The idea being that since I’d already had four (two el grando mugs & two smaller), I may as well indulge myself a bit more, I deserved it, after all.
This morning I made the decision that I have to stop drinking. The kind of junkie thinking going on last night is reminiscent of my cigarette days – totally out of control and anything to justify my actions. It's just too unhealthy for my mind, body and spirit to go on like this. I can’t explain all the whirling going on in my head, and I’ll just save that for another day. But I want to put this out here to help myself hold myself accountable, if that makes sense. This isn’t the first time I’ve attempted this, especially in the last year or so. But it is the first time I’ve admitted out loud and on paper that I have a problem that needs to be addressed.
One of my weird junkie whispers began saying things about my 3D life like, “What are you going to tell people? Nobody even thinks you have a drinking problem. In fact if you say anything, they’ll probably just think you’re trying to get attention, or laugh it off as just another phase or something.” Well fine! then I won’t deal with the people in 3D then, if anyone asks me why I’m not drinking, my standard answer will be that I couldn’t always control my alcohol intake, so I figured it was best not to test it anymore. I don’t know why this is a hard part about this, but I am so grateful for the Q so that I have a place to go to get started on this.
These backsliding questions my junkie keeps bringing up soooo reminds me of when I was first quitting smoking. “Do I have to change my gadget?” “Should I start over again?” You know, all the details to throw me off course, to justify continuing my behavior. When I was finally able to get serious about quitting smoking was when I realized that those details don’t matter. The answer is to do whatever it takes to stay the course.
I'm not sure if any of this makes any sense to anyone, but again, I am so thankful to have someplace to go where I feel ok about talking about this.
Whew, that was hard.
===============
Wow. I hardly know what to say.
I need to put this out here as part my process of getting honest with myself.
I was able to stop drinking for a couple weeks and then it was back on the social bandwagon. I've probably been drunk 5 times since then. But the one or two drink evenings have become more often.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome and
I sggest you research facts on the disease of alcoholism.
Its hard to know what you need to do without information.
"Under The Influence" by Dr. James Milam & k. Ketcham was a hugh eye opener for me. I was so unaware of full scope of this disease.
Amazon has it...as do large bookstores...cost about $8.
I do hope you find your answers...:shades:
Its hard to know what you need to do without information.
"Under The Influence" by Dr. James Milam & k. Ketcham was a hugh eye opener for me. I was so unaware of full scope of this disease.
Amazon has it...as do large bookstores...cost about $8.
I do hope you find your answers...:shades:
we're all mad here!
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: a padded room with bars
Posts: 1,681
Welcome HappyCamper 
Carol made some good suggestions, she's perty smart ;-)
Hang around the forums, read and contemplate. That'll give you a idea whether or not you have a problem. Being AA myself, I'd (of course) suggest checking out the AA forum too
One line you said stuck out in my mind....
That's something you should think about!
Take care and welcome!
Carol made some good suggestions, she's perty smart ;-)
Hang around the forums, read and contemplate. That'll give you a idea whether or not you have a problem. Being AA myself, I'd (of course) suggest checking out the AA forum too
One line you said stuck out in my mind....
What I have discovered though, or rather admitted to myself today, is that sometimes I have no control over how much I drink
Take care and welcome!
BikerBill8
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