wallacegt

I stumbled upon these forums looking into various medications for alcoholism and figured I might see what all the experience here suggests. This is not for me, but rather my longtime girlfriend, and I am trying to help her come up with the best approach. So, please take it easy on me and realize I am not agreeing with her reasonings, but rather just relaying them here. I'm sorry for the long post, but I figure the more I can share the better you guys/girls can tailor your suggestions and information.

My grilfriend is not an alcoholic in the sense that she has to have a drink every day, and in fact she seems to make it 2-3 weeks at a time between drinks. You might think that is not a problem, however when she does drink she has no moderation whatsoever and even worse is that all sense of logic is gone and she repeatedly gets in a car and drives. She has already had 1 DUI which has basically destroyed her life (job and finances) but it still does not enter her head when she is drunk. In the past 2 months alone she has driven drunk 4 times.

Most of why she gets this trigger and drinks is related to mental issues (depression) and some abuse when younger. Basically some event or mental thought can make her either very happy or sad and trigger the need to drink. Obviouslly I would like her to stop using alcohol altogether, but my biggest concern is the driving. Not only is she putting herself and other in danger of physical harm, but she risks destroying what is left of the life is she trying to put back together.

I am only guessing here, but I feel the reason she continues to drive is that she is ashamed of being drunk and wants to hide it and not ask for help. Also, when talking with her while she is intoxicated she will continue to deny having a drink without budging.

I was thinking of getting her under the care of a psychiatrist and getting Antabuse prescribed immediately. My thinking here is that it would physically prevent her from drinking and driving. Aside from that I just don't know what to do with the situation. I have heard about Campral and some other items, but most of the time everyone is talking about a daily chronic abuser which doesn't relate to her situation exactly. She has tried AA in the past but has told me that all it does is depress her more and make her feel horrible, and since she didn't feel the crave to drink daily it just made her think about drinking more often than she would normally.

So, with that being said I would really appreciate any responses and information all of you have. Do you think my initial short term plan is good? What other options do we have? What longterm plans are there for this kind of alcoholism? Any help would be great, because personally I have been so beat down by this and constantly in fear of her drinking and driving that I am at the end of my ropes.

nandm

One does not have to be a daily drinker to have a problem with alcoholism.

Here are some of the various stages of alcoholism:

Types of Alcohol Problems
Alcohol problems occur at different levels of severity, from mild and annoying to life-threatening. Although alcohol dependence (alcoholism) is the most severe stage, less severe drinking problems can also be dangerous.

Binge Drinking
Officially, binge drinking means having five or more drinks in one session for men and four or more for women. Another definition for binge drinking is simply drinking to get drunk. It is the most common drinking problem for young people, under age 21.

• Binge drinkers have the highest risk of injury
• heavy drinking dangers
• brief intervention effective for binge drinkers

Alcohol Abuse
Binge drinking turns into alcohol abuse when someone's drinking begins to cause problems and the drinking continues anyway.
Alcohol abuse is when someone continues to drink in spite of continued social, interpersonal or legal difficulties. Alcohol abuse can result in missing time at school or work, neglecting child or household responsibilities or trouble with the law.

Alcohol Dependence
Alcohol dependence syndrome, the most severe stage of a group of drinking problems begins with binge drinking and alcohol abuse.
Alcohol abuse becomes alcohol dependence when drinkers begin to experience a craving for alcohol, a loss of control of their drinking, withdrawal symptoms

Anna

Hi Wallace,

Welcome!

I am sorry for the situation with your girlfriend.

It is really difficult to convince an addict that she wants/needs help. Hopefully she will realize her problem and seek help for herself.

For you, checking out AlAnon might be a good idea. You will find lots of support for yourself there, for you do need to look after yourself.

29a

You can't make any one stop who doesn't want to stop. It's unfortunate, but it's true. That being said, I was not a daily drinker when I quit, although I had been in the past. It's not how much or how often you drink, it's the fact that you lose control once you take the first bit of alcohol into your system.
My recomendation for you would be for you to go to an alanon meeting, or something similar. The people there will have experience dealing with everything you are going through.
And while it may be true that she needs psychiatric help, she must be willing to go. To force her will only cause her to resent you and give her justification to drink, at least in her eyes. I know that's what would have happened to me had I been forced to go.
Learn as much as you can about the disease of alcoholism, I would recommend getting a copy of the big book of alcoholics anonymous, or go to aa.org to read the online version. Read the first 164 pages, pay special note to "for the wives" (which works for husbands/boyfriends as well) and "the family afterword".
As for her reasons for not going to aa, they are actually just reasons to quit drinking, I'm sure she would say anything to avoid facing a solution.
Remember alcoholism is a disease, treat her as you would a sick friend. Try not to get angry at her. If she is an alcoholic, she has lost the power of choice.
Hope this helps.

wallacegt

Just so we are clear. I am not forcing her into any solution here. She recognizes she has a problem and wants to fix it herself, she just doesn't know what to do. Which is why I am asking here in parallel with other efforts. Thanks for the replies so far, and please feel free to continue to comment on this in an effort to tell me your thoughts!

Anna

I am glad that your girlfriend recognizes she has a problem.

So, what is she doing to seek help for her addiction and what steps has she taken?

chip

Hi Wallacegt

Welcome to SR. My heart goes out to you and your girlfriend as the two of you stuggle with her drinking problem. She doesn't have to drink everyday to be an alcoholic. It's obvious that she should stop drinking....but she probably won't unless she really wants to stop. The hard truth is that addicts need a strong willingness and desire before they can recover.

Is your girlfriend seeking help for her problem? Is she willing to abstain from alcohol? Is she willing to try AA or another recovery program? Has she spoken with her doctor about this yet?

These problems are too much for one person to carry. I hope she's willing to change, and is working on the problem as well. It wouldn't be fair for you to be the only one in the relationship who is working on her drinking problem. I dont' want to sound harsh, but this my honest opinion. The bottom line is that she is the problem drinker. It's not fair that you are suffering from this. How much are you willing to take?

Drinking and driving kills people. I'm concerned and frightened that your girlfriend is still doing this even after the DUI. It puts you in a difficult situation because you know that she's endangering other people's lives. Is there anything you or her friends can do to put a stop to this? Does anybody else know? As a last resort, I'd consider calling to police to stop her from drinking and driving.

What is your bottom line? Where does it get bad enough that you have to leave the relationship? These are painful questions, but you may be best off to think about them. I highly suggest that you check out Alanon. Also, please check out the "friends and family of alcoholics forum" on this site.

I hope you don't take my comments as being too harsh. I'm only trying to help.
best wishes,
chip

wallacegt

She has removed herself from all situations where drinking is present (except when she lapses of course). She doesn't go to any social gatherings at bars or any parties which is focused on drinking. She has removed all alcohol from her house. She tried attending AA meeting for a period of time when it didn't conflict with her job, however as I mentioned before she stopped going because it only made her think about drinking more and made her more depressed which is one of the triggers for her. On her days off she was calling me frequently to "check in" which gave her some sort of a feeling of responsibility. However, the last 2 times she drank and drove were on offdays after she had checked in occasionally. Now she is really wanting to get Antabuse because she realizes she has no control and thinks it will help.

wallacegt

She has been trying to abstain, and as initially stated she just lapses once every couple weeks. As mentioned above in my response to 51anna she had some doubts and issues about AA and I knew that me harassing her on the subject was not the right way to go. She has agreed to see a psychiatrist to discuss the issue (and probable causes from her life) because she realizes nothing is working, I am now trying to find a way to select a good one as opposed to a random one.
Unfortunately I have been carrying almost all of the load on this. Her sister is an hour away and has told her she knows of her problem but has offered nothing in the way of assistance. Her parents are an hour and a half away and her dad is the one who recommended Antabuse initially and has offered to cover the costs, but nothing else. Her roomate tells her she should go to AA but does not push the issue at all. Unfortunately I am reaching my limit but fear what would happen to her if I finally decided I couldn't handle it.
Her family, roomate, and I know and unfortunately there is usually very little we can do about it. She has already driven someplace while drunk before we know anything. In any case we always take the keys immediately and if we ever hear her on the phone (we can always tell) we tell her not to go anywhere and we are coming.
Yes, I saw others mentioning this as well and I looked at their website and it was scary how many of the things in their quiz I answered yes to. I am seriouslly considering attending a meeting and have already located my local district website.
Not at all! What this does to a person and those around them is so far above harsh/hard questions and statements that I don't think twice about it. This is the discussion I was hoping to prompt. Thank you!

The only thing is that I still haven't seen to many comments on this type of alcoholism and suggested courses of actions or drug recommendations. So, if someone can chime in on that it would be appreciated.

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

I too used Antabuse in early sobriety.
I did drink whith it.... became so violently ill
I quit the Antabuse.

And continued to drink for 4 months...
I finally quit when I red
"Under The infuence" and re newed
my committment to God and AA.

The catalyst for my reaction was a single split of
champagne ..18 hours after my Antabuse.

Be sure and check out the afterlife of Antabuse
I kinda remember it stays in your system 4 or 5 days
after the last pill. Also...you do need to have your
doctor monitor liver enzymes if you take the med.

I do think it can be a good start for sobriety.
It did nothing for my goal of
Recovery....

Tazman53

Wallace it sounds like she is almost ready to be willing to do what ever it takes to stop drinking, but is not quite there yet.

Antabuse is a fine med when one is really ready to stop drinking, it is similar to having a gun held to your head, if you drink you are going to get very sick and possibly die!

Check out the side effects, antabuse from what I have heard is not real good for ones liver!!! Neither is alcohol!!! Pick your poison.

One thing your girlfriend needs to read on the label of antabuse and any other med to help an alcoholic not drink is they all flat out say that the med is basically useless with our a long term recovery program.

zoomer

I for one do not know much about antabuse,but it seems to me that anatabuse should be a last resort not a first one. I have gone to AA and see a shrink for my drinking and now non-drinking. The shrink may give your girlfriend an antidepressent and you cannot drink on those (or should not) although I must say I did. I quit drinking when i realized that I was a danger to myself because I was taking medication and drinking at the same time. I too did not drink everyday,but I only drank and drove a couple of times then decided to stay home and not have a life because drinking ment more to me then going places. If your girlfriend really cannot help herself,then she should go to a rehab plain and simple. There she will get time away from a drink and have time to think about things such as putting other people in danger when she drinks and drives. She will also learn tools to help her stay away from a drink. Most rehabs suggest AA and teach the 12 steps of AA. This post makes me think that everyone is looking for a quick fix for a drinking problem, there is no quick fix. Being sober takes one day at a time and sometimes a lot of hard work to stay away form that drink. For me it means I still have to reach out for support and go to meetings even when I have some sober time under my belt. Being sober to me means to listen to my doctor and follow directions, being sober to me means don't drink no matter what. I don't know, it just seems to me too that your girl friend is playing cat and mouse with you all and needs to grow up a bit and take responcibility for herself and her actions. Next time she may not be so lucky to get pulled over for a DWI, she just may get killed herself or worse, kill someone while she plays around with drinking and driving.

wallacegt

Thanks for the inputs everyone. The one thing I am clearly taking away from this discussion is the absolute need for a recovery program such as AA no matter what short term routes we take. The bad thing is that her normal work schedule 11am-9pm rules out almost all the normal daily AA meetings locally. I guess as a bare minimum she should be attending on her 2 days off a week which would be the day she would slip if ever.

I don't quite know how to approach the fact that it makes her depressed when she leaves though. That and the fact that we live in a part of Florida where the meetings seem to be mostly older people and she feels slightly unconfortable with not having peers of her own age to relate to (she is 29).

nandm

One thing I had to learn to survive in AA is to look for the similiarities rather than the differences. Although there can be wide age differences in different meetings several common factors I have found is that we all have a problem with alcohol, we are all seeking a solution, none of us are perfect, I always find someone who has lived my story no matter where I go. I have found that when I allow age to play a factor in my recovery I miss out on a lot. There are people who are 18 I have learned from just as there are people who are in their 80's. I would bet money that when she attends a meeting in Florida and looks for the similiarities rather than the differences she will find she is right at home.

reed

n&m makes a good point here! I go to AA meetings with older and people around my own age. there is so much to learn from people older and younger alike. S. Palm Beach County (561 276 4581, South Palm Beach County Intergroup of AA) has meetings with both young and old people. Delray Beach being one of the top recovery locations in the USA, if you live close to this area check it out. I'm going to a relapse prevention workshop this weekend at Crossroads Club in Delray. Your friend is lucky you care....stay casual....

lovingseren

There are other groups besides AA, check out the links below.
I belong to WFS, each person should check out all the different recovery groups out there.
Good Luck
Seren

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

CarolD

I found a meeting in D.C. that was at 7 A.M.
In Fl. I often went to one at 8 A.M.

Please see what is available in your area

Alcoholics Anonymous : Central Offices, Intergroups and Answering Services for (U.S. and Canada)

Perhaps it's inconvenient but so are
accidents...jails and DUI's.

Don't be snowed by excuses.

*shay*

all i can say is that i know about the depression. that is what led me to drink. if you can get her to some aa meetings and then address the depression (probably requires medication) then she should be fine. campral is a great med for not drinking. good luck to you and her.

Summerteeth

Wallace,

When I read your post I was shocked at how the situation with your GF is virtually identical to my sister's problem with alcohol. They are around the same age as well and suffer from depression and a history of abuse. Just remember, it is still alcoholism (it comes in many forms).

The hard part for me (and possibly you?) is worrying about the next binge, and what will set it off. When my sister binges, she consumes a mind-blowing amount of alcohol and passes out. There have been times when I wasn't sure she was still alive. She only drinks 1x a month now (used to drink daily), but this is obviously a problem!

Anyway, once she got her DUI she stopped driving drunk. Now, she just binges at home (great! ha).

Your girlfriend is in a lot of pain and needs to recover. I suggest looking into counseling, it sounds like you are already thinking that way. Another piece of advice: you mentioned you talk to her about the issue while she is intoxicated. Try not doing that. It will only make YOU crazy.

I hope your gf is able to find a recover program that really works for her.