stonewolf

Tomorrow I will know the fate of our family, my partner may go to jail and if she does, we may lose our home and family. I have been trying to quit smoking and drinking for a few months, or years really.

But really trying lately. it's so hard when the trauma of living in an abusive relationship has taken away all of my ability to want to LIVE LIFE!.

Coupled with the fact that the major "breadwinner" brings home alcohol and tobacco every day from work. I stayed sober many times and then took the brunt of the lonely drunk too many times.

If she goes to jail, I know I can quit, with help.
If she doesn't go to jail the torture will not end. She is not willing to join the ranks of recovered.

I can not leave, this is my home, this is where I make my meager living, this is where my family of animals live, and I cannot disrupt thier lives anymore than it already is.

Please, I hope to find some understanding friends here that can help me make sense of this all. I am too confused to think right now, scared about tonight... the list goes on. Thank you

Tazman53

Stonewolf in order to get and stay sober I found that I had to do it for me and no one else, I tried way to many times to stay sober for my wife, for my kids, for my family and I failed every time.

When I finally reached the point where "I" wanted to stay sober it had to be for me alone, my wife had told me her and the kids were going to leave at the end of the month whether I quit or not.

When I got home from detox I asked her if they were still leaving at the end of the month or not.......... she simply said "We will see how I feel then." Well I was committed and as a result I stayed sober with the thought in my head that there was a good possibilty I would be a sober divorced alcoholic.

I learned that in order to stay sober I can not make other people or things a condition of sobriety, that kept me drunk way to many years. I have learned that I have to be willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober, with or without my family, friends, or job!

happyguy

Whether she goes to jail or not, you have to take responsibility for your life. You must take immediate action to quit. Don't wait for her to change before you quit, you set the pace and who knows, she may follow you.

There is absolutely nothing you can do about her quitting. It is up to her to decide for herself.

gravity

It really sounds like you are limiting your options, backing yourself into a corner. Maybe try thinking longer term - what you have to do to stay sober, be happy. You don't have to simply accept what happens and live with it.

BTW, I have loved ones in Winnipeg that I think about constantly.

stonewolf

thank you so much, all of you, your words mean so much, especially now.

moments after I sent this message, my little Tipper (13 month old border collie/lab pup) was hit by a truck, I saw it happen and tried to stop it,....couldn't,,,,, I am in deep trauma and grief right now, the only thing I can think about right now is her, but coming here and talking to you all is helping me breathe, Thank you

Tazman53

Stonewolf my deepest condolances on Tipper, keep in mind that drinking will not make things any better or easier to deal with. I tried for many years to drink problems and heart ache away, since I have gotten sober I have found that drinking only made the pain last longer, being sober I have learned to deal with and accept pain, it is not easy, but doing it sober is far better.

stonewolf

thank you all I appreciate it, my arms are numb and my eyes arent working properly from crying, I know that drinking does not solve a damn thing, but drink I did, and yes it makes it worse, but at least I am still alive, going to try this again. today I just have to survive court and the outcome for my partner. she is going through hell.

bbl
In spirit, stonewolf

nandm

We are never a failure until we fail to try again. Glad to see you realize that drinking didn't make things better. All they did was delay the pain. You are still alive, with that comes the opportunity to do things differently today.

You can do this and you do not have to do it alone. You have people here at SR that are supportive. You also have the opportunity to choose a recovery program if you are inclined to do so. I don't know your feelings on God, Higher Power, Spirit of the Universe, etc... but if you believe in such things then there is one more by your side through this.

Take care. Glad to see you are not ready to give up.

Keep coming back and letting us know how you are doing.