unigirl

Hi there,
I'm recently just coming back to a.a. i went out for around 6 weeks, after being in a.a a few months. I'm glad to be back and enjoying my 3rd day sober so far! However i am really eager to get onto the steps, im thinking of askin a lady to sponser me, the only thing is she's prob been sober around a yr- maybe a little less, after relapsing from (around) 8 yrs sobriety. I think she'd be good as she seems very into A.A., she's someone i feel comfortable around and she's recently done the steps so it'll be fresh in her mind. On the other hand some have said it may not be such a good idea as she's not that long sober - they say someone sober over 2 yrs (preferably 5yrs) is best. Anyone have any advice on this? Would be very much appreciated. Thankyou.

nandm

For me the key things I look for in a sponsor are:
Do they live the steps, practice them in their daily lives not just work them once a year or so?
Do they have the quality of sobriety that I would like to have?
When they speak in meetings is their message solution oriented or is it just about the problem?
How do they treat the newcomer that walks in the door, do they welcome them, ignore them, or what?
Do they know the book, can they apply to their experience, strength, and hope?

Factors that I don't find relevant to me are:
age
sobriety time

Tazman53

I will second what Nanadm said. My sponsor passed a sponsee to me when I only had 9 months sober, I was shocked to say the least, I had just finished step 8!!!! I reminded him of this and he said he knew and we had better get to work!!!! He told me I was ready, well my sponsee wasn't, he never even worked on step one, no need for details, just suffice it to say he did call me and said he just did not have time to get to one meeting a week, little lone work any steps! When I spoke to my sponsor he asked me "Did you drink over it?", I said no, he then told me that the only person I can keep sober is myself and not to worry about it.

Well about a month after that my present sponsee came up and asked me to be his sponsor. Well I passed on what had been passed to me, I first spoke with him a while just to make sure it was one alcoholic talking to another, then I hit him with the big question with only one right anwer "Are you willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober?" He replied yes and I told him I would be his temporary sponsor, his teeth were shaking!!!

Well this past Friday I gave him my 9 month chip, we just finished step 8 and are moving on to 9.

Does time sober equal a good sponsor? Nope, check out the history of AA and you will find in the early days guys with less then 2 weeks sober were sponsoring several people.

Look for what Nandm suggested, keeping in mind if things do not go well with her you can always get another sponsor.

Also remember that sponsors, die, they move, and they even get drunk in some cases, so do not hang your sobriety hat on a person, hang it on the program and "a" sponsor.

Jfanagle

I always go back to Bill and Dr. Bob. There they were sitting around trying to get sober and help each other. I envision them sitting in a "room" waiting for someone to come along with 5 years of sobriety so they could both have a "sponsor!"

We in the latter days of AA have elevated this concept of Sponsor" to something akin to having a name stenciled on our chests of our "sponsor." In the Big Book I don't think you can actually find the word "sponsor in the first 164 pages. It is more a case of someone who has been where we are trying to go. I tell my "pigeons" that I am simply here to give you my perspective and experience and for you to have someone to bounce your ideas off. After I have listened to an individual’s 5TH step I have some insight into who they are and where they come from. If their particular Dragons come to call I can POSSIBLY understand the biases and fears that may come into play based on the information they gave me when we shared the 5TH step.

In my opinion, as long as both of us are participating in AA, trying to practice the steps and are concerned about each other's welfare we have a pretty good chance of staying sober. Together we make a good team, and no one has to do it alone.

I HAVE HOWEVER, ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GRAND IDEA IF MY "SPONSEES" WOULD SOUND TRUMPETS WHEN I WALKED INTO THE ROOM! That however is still just an idea and I haven't seen much enthusiasm from the sponsee section.

Jon

unigirl

Just read over the replies- would like to thank all who did. It has certainly made things a little clearer for me, and i guess if it the old timers were getting sober with people just 2 weeks sober then it's good enough for me! I guess it's just cos i'm new to all this- i dont fully understand the whole 'sponsering' thing - or much else in A.A. but hey ho, thats what askings for!

So yeah, thanks again, i do believe the woman i have in mind will be good - i will ask her tommorow and fill you in!
Lol Jon, i think your idea is grand!

Music

Go for it. By the time you're ready to work step two, you'll know. With 3 days sober, step one should be on your mind 24/7.