December15

I put up a fellow alcoholic friend of mine last night who has just been made homeless due to her drinking. As usual she wanted to go to the pub for an ale, but I didn't want to go myself so gave her a few quid to go on her own. She comes back half an hour later and goes to bed. Two thirty in the morning a massive thump so get up and she is on the floor shaking, eyes rolled back, defacating and moaning like somelthing out of the exorcist. I have never had a seizure myself but had read about them so stabilised her and called the ambulance knowing that this could result in death. Ambulance comes and we go to hospital; she seems to have recovered but we spend six hours while they inject vitamins and analyse blood samples and do various checks. We finally get a cab home, clear up all the mess and settle down to catch up on some sleep then another thump as she goes into another seizure. Same picture of hell. By this time I'm too knackered to do the ambulance business - I tell her she is welcome to use the phone and I can't continue taking responsibility for the consequences of her behaviour. Am debating whether or not to take her to an AA meeting - they are not my sort of thing and don't even know if it will help her and the drinking is always down to some other misfortune someone has inflicted on her. She seems a hopeless case to me. I have helped her through medicated detox twice now but she always return to her friend the bottle - some friend that is.

Tazman53

Unless she is ready to quit drinking, and I mean really ready more then likely taking her to an AA meeting would be a waste of time.

I assume you are still in your bottle, forgive me if I am wrong, but she may be the very thing you need to make a decision to quit your self, you see alcoholism is a progressive disease, as long as one is drinking it always gets worse, never better, you may be looking at your own future.

I know a lady like the one you are dealing with know, dealing with her while I was still in the bottle opened my eyes to my own future if I kept on drinking, one of my older daughters see's her sometimes, the last time I saw her she looked like the living dead, my daughter says she looks even worse now. She has stated that she is simply drinking and awaiting death, that was my future if I continued to drink. She has had little control of her bowels for years and occasinally winds up in the hospital where they tell her she is killing herself and the second she gets out she either gets drunk or high.

It is a sad thing that some of us must die in order for some of us to live, she was part of me being able to see my future, it sacred me bad enough to where I went into detox and then into AA. The program of AA saved my life and millions of others.

If you are still in the bottle and feel it is time to stop killing your self, perhaps you could show her the way to AA, but for one active alcoholic to take another active alcoholic to AA is pretty much a waste of time. "Hey look friend, I think you need AA, but for me I am going to keep on drinking!" Does that make sense?

I wish you and your friend all the best, but I had people begging me to stop, threatening me if I did not stop, people who I loved and who loved me doing that and I still did not stop until I was ready to stop. They could have taken me to thousands of AA meetings and until I was ready to stop AA would not have done me a bit of good.

December15

I am generally sober now having realised sometime ago my drinking was becoming a big problem - like everynight. I weaken once or maybe twice a month but then no more than a bottle of wine, sometimes two. I guess I am what the experts call dry drunk or dry sober - not sure what the term is. Steadily I have become isolated because most of my friends are big drinkers and all they want to do is go to the pub, which unless there is a billiards table I find pretty boring. This holiday period was pretty hard for me: stuck indoors keeping clean and rejecting offers to go out and get drunk. Last night was a living nightmare.

barb dwyer

I know someplace where others understand that kind of thing ...

Tazman53

I go to that place Barb speaks of a lot, good people who understand where you are coming from, fun and loving people, and every one of them is an alcoholic helping other alcoholics get and stay sober. Why sit at home alone when there are rooms full of people just like us?

December15

You know I have seriously considered this. The problem is I am pretty sure I could not take all that higher power, 12 step, big book stuff seriously. I would just be going for the social aspect and feel this would be an affront to those who do take the principles seriously. I have been looking round for alternative support groups but there doesn't seem to be any around my area. On the otherhand, I get alot of support from reading the threads on this site so thanks everyone for contributing.

Tazman53

December I pray you do not reach the point I got to, you see I was left with no choice, get spiritual and live or drink and die.

Funny thing though, today I am happier then I have been in over 30 years, I hope you are not confusing an HP with religion, because the 2 are not the same.

Religion is for people who do not want to go to hell.

Spitituality is for folks who have been to hell and do not want to go back!

I have been sober for over 15 months and have gone to church one time simply out of curiosity as to whether I could find a stronger connection with my HP and decided I gained nothing from it. That is not to say one day I may not, but we do have at least one retired minister in my area in AA and he said he found spirituality in AA even though he was a spiritual leader for many years before he came to AA.

I got serious when I knew in the depths of my very beiing that I was going to die if I did not find a way to get and stay sober, getting spirtual was the key for me and millions of others, not religion, be they Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Athiest, Agnostic or what ever.

1963comet

Hi December15

I think if you stick around here, that will help you. I'm sure there is some of us that did not get the AA idea right off the bat. My first meeting was different than I thought it would be. I thought there would be a bunch of sad angry people. But they were all laughing. To me that was crazy at the time.

I know people on this sight want to help you. Helping others is part of AA.

Tazman53

Comet I had to laugh when I read that, I thought the very same thing...... okay maybe worse, throw in the words losers, weak willed, drinking coffee and crying wishing for the good old days when they could still hold thier liquor!!!

The laughter I heard when I first walked into that room floored me, how in the heck could any one sober laugh that much?

December15

Well I am pretty open minded. At the very least I am going to attend a meeting - probably tomorrow. I rang the AA hotline today for my friend who had the seizures - there were a couple in my area. She wasn't interested - infact she is in bed still asleep recovering from last night. I'm concerned she is going to be up half the night creating havoc as she has slept all day. Well at least the doc gave her some meds to knock her out so hopefully that wont be the case. Made me laugh the way she begged the doc for those meds - like she will take anything to get her out of the reality zone.

Music

Don't help her any more unless she wants to stop drinking.

CarolD

Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum


My friend Norman died in my apartment
while spending the night.
Yes he had been drinking but I had not.
The police and EMT's were
very suspicious of the situation.

While it was kind of you to give your friend
a place to stay...I too think it's an
impossible situation .
Is there a womans shelter in your area?

Most AA meetings will have others
who have been broke and/or homeless.
They are often a good resourse for local options.

Good Luck...

Miss Pink

Help her.....dont enable her.

Giving money to go drink is supplying her disease.

barb dwyer

I hope thing sare better today for you.

December15

Thanks barb. Yes things are better today because I told this lady she would have to go. She has somewhere else to stay so am not worried about her being on the streets. Honestly though I have been there so many times with her and it's always the same. It is not just alcohol it is anything that will get her high and this is always someone elses fault - she never takes responsibility. So after possibly saving her life the night before now I get angry texts from her. Well, that's the way it is and I've been moving away from people who drink heavily and love the drama that results. It may be a lonlier life but far less stress.

barb dwyer

Thanks for the update, hon.

Tazman53

December you did the right thing for her as tough as it may be. I know a lady like her, we took her son in with us several years back for almost a year, he suffers from her having drank and drugged heavily through out her entire pregnancy with him, we took him in but told both her and her husband that they had dug a hole that they were responsible for and they would need to dig their own way out. Her husband has dissappeared and she is walking death today. The young lads grandmother contacted us about him and once we had her checked out through social services turned him over to his grandmother. Heart breaking to see what untreated alcoholism will do.

December15

Thanks for your comment Tazman. I have done a little bit of research and have actually found a support group in my area. They use the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy approach which I believe will be more in line with my world outlook. They do the meetings twice a week so I will attend one of these and see how it turns out.