slimjim78

Hi All,

A bit of background about me. Had my first drink at 15, my first drunk at 16. I think I've blacked out maybe twice in my life (man that's scary).

I started out as a normal drinker only on weekends etc. I did notice that I always wanted to go to the pub more often than others though. I also seemed more excited by the drinking than everyone else.

I had a relationship breakdown at 22 and started hanging out with a group of guys who drank every night. I then spent a year solidly drinking with them, mixed up with some other drugs. By this point I realised I had a problem but could do nothing about it.

I made a few pointless attempts to quit over the years but just couldn't do it. The draw was always there. In the past year I cut back from daily drinking (between 10 and 40 standard drinks) to 3-4 times a week. I'm now down to 1 or 2 times a week but damn I drink heavily those 2 days (sometimes up to 2 bottles of wine or 12 beers).

I've stopped drinking for a few weeks at a time a few times this year but always think I'm cured and go back. I have a wonderful girlfriend who doesn't realise my situation as I only drink once or twice a week. Anyway, I've resigned myself to quitting properly this time. I got wasted Saturday night and that's the end of it.

I've seen my doctor and had my blood tests done, as well as an ultrasound. All my liver enzymes are within normal ranges and my liver is slightly fatty (I'm around 25 kilos overweight). Blood pressure is 130/80 and everything else seems normal.

I'm not at all interested in AA. I'm the sort of person who keeps very much to myself and does not wish to discuss problems in an open arena.
I believe I have the strength to quit this. I managed to quit crystal meth and cigaretts on my own so I know I can do this now.

I may well be in here asking for support during the next few weeks so please be nice :-)

Tazman53

Welcome to SR slim, lots of good support here.
I was just like you, my last years of drinking were spent drinking alone, I spent 10 years trying to quit my way by myself, my father and brother had quit on thier own so I figured I could do the same, well I was wrong, I could not quit on my own, my drinking got worse and I reached the point where I had no choice.... I had to drink every day, it was no longer a choice.

I wish you luck and hope that SR alone can help you stay sober, it took AA for me, & to be honest I am glad it did, I have made a huge group of new sober friends, I have a network of people I can call any time of day or night with a problem, and thanks to the steps I am a far better and happier person then I have been in over 30 years.

Slimjim I wish you all the best, take it one day at a time, keep in mind that quitting drinking is the easy part, staying stopped is the hard part. Keep an open mind and be willing to try different things to stay stopped.

I found it is a lot easier to stay stopped with the face to face support of people who have been where you are at right now then it is to do it all alone.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Hi Slimjim,

I'm glad that you are here..keep posting!

Karen

juliee

Welcome Slimjim! Glad you found us. I'm trying to quit as well as many others here. I can relate to the "being very private" part, but, I am learning (all be it very slowly) that for me I may need the "very public" push. I wish you well.

CarolD

Hi and Welcome to SR!

This link is full of info that might
help you understand.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Blackouts are discussed on post #35.

Keep in touch..Good to see you here with us

slimjim78

Thanks for the kind words everyone. If I do fail at quitting by myself I will consider AA but for now I believe I can do it myself. I managed to stop a few other addictions through willpower, and hope to be able to do the same for alcohol.

I'm on my 3rd day now and as usual it's not that hard. I know from experience that I will begin to struggle after the first week. Any suggestions as to what I can do to preoccupy myself?

Also, my work involves a lot of travel and so does my girlfriends. I find that when we are apart I "cut loose" and drink a lot as she won't find out. It's especially worse as my job involves travelling to our sales office where every night is free beer night. There's a lot of pressure to drink, and I'm struggling to think of a good excuse that I can use. I'm thinking of saying I'm on a diet or something similar. Any advice on how to deal with this?

CarolD - I ordered Under the Influence and Beyond The Influence during a drunk depressed moment a week and a bit ago. I think they should be here sometime this week. I'm looking forward to reading it.

findingout

You could say you were on a diet (as long as you don't order a large steak, baked potato with butter and sour cream and pie with ice cream for dinner ) or you could say you are taking a medication which should not be combined with alcohol or you could say "No thanks, I'm not drinking tonight" and leave it at that. There are plenty of people in this world who choose not to drink just because alcohol is available and not all of them are recovering alcoholics. What I found out is that most people are more interested in talking about the weather than in the fact that I am not drinking. My sobriety just doesn't matter as much to other people as it does to me.

Glad you are here sharing your recovery with us.

Tazman53

Keep in mind when reading these that if you can not do this on your own will power they back up what most of us who have quit drinking found worked for them.... AA.

You need to find something to do while your girlfriend is away that involves sober friends. (Very easy to do in AA)

Being on medication is a good out, but I will back up what finding out said, in reality no one is pressuring us to drink except our selfs, some one asking us if we want a drink is not pressure, it is simply some one being polite, simply say "Well I would like a coke." You will be amazed, no one will twist your arm to have a drink or stand up and say "Hey guys slim won't drink with us!" More then likely they will simply get you a coke.

When I quit I was surprised to learn that no one really cared if I was drinking, they were more concerned with thier drinking.

Fluttering

Hi slim

I too thougt I could do it on my own...I was, afterall, a survivor of many things
I couldn't do it... and discovered I had an illness..It had nothing to do with being weak. Asing for help took courage

We are here if you need us.

billwfriend

I'm not at all interested in AA. I'm the sort of person who keeps very much to myself and does not wish to discuss problems in an open arena.

I attend AA regularly, and would rather listen at the meetings than speak myself. You are not required to share at meetings, and there is much to be learned by sitting quietly and listening.
As for keeping drinking down to a couple of a days a week, that is easy to do for a while, but it will get out of control eventually. For years I kept my drinking to times when it wouldn't interfere with any commitments that I had(work for one), but in the end it didn't matter what I had to do or where I was, I drank because I had to, to prevent withdrawals and to satisfy the craving.

GrouchoTheCat

Hi SlimJim and welcome to SR.

Hang around and read some posts, good info usually!

Good to hear your reading 'Influence'. That book really helped me to understand.

Glad your here,

Ted

slimjim78

Thanks for the suggestions all. I might go with being on medication as an excuse not to drink.

There is a lot of pressure to drink when I am in the sales office. It's not like they just offer. I've said no and I get pushed and pushed until I have one. They are always talking about "being back on the wagon" after too many big drinking events. I'm going to cancel my trip there next week.

As to the others suggesting AA. I appreciate the thought and if I fail quitting by myself I will go. But I know I can do it alone now. It takes a lot to quit a drug for sure. I consider myself ready.

At day 4 here. Last night I gave away a few cartons of wine that were sitting at home. I've got another in my car to give to some other people tonight. Most of the grog is out of the house now. Perhaps only 12 bottles of wine left (we get cartons free most weeks if we want them).

I am not sleeping that well at the moment. I am having some wacky dreams. So vivid. Apart from that I feel pretty good. I've lost nearly 4 kilograms since Sunday which is surprising. I figure it must be water weight, but I drink so much water anyway (at least 3 litres a day). I'm eating quite a lot of food too. It hasn't seemed too difficult so far which is good. No physical symptoms except for having less of a headache and clearer thoughts. My memory is astounding at the moment.

I think I might check in most days and say hello until I'm feeling normal.

Thanks for listening

WLDKATZ

I always joke and say the higher powers that be won't let me..............LOL Most people(Yanks included) think I am talking about my doctors......lol I am talking about my other higher power .........me
lol

WLDKATZ

BTW get a lot of different drinks..........your going to find it funny what you try sometimes when ya want a stiff one!

Pinkcuda

I have a different philosophy! I have a problem with alcohol and can't drink anymore, and I don't care who knows it. You would be surprised how many people will support your decision! When I stop in at my former drinking buddies homes, I always get offered Iced Tea, Pop or Gatorade and sometimes Coffee. They will never offer me a drink. I don't have to come up with excuses as to why I don't want a drink that day. I feel this is another area where total honesty is the answer.

Tazman53

pinkcuda I am the same way, I have always spoken my mind, today I tell the truth because the truth will set us free. I had to be honest to get and stay sober, that is me. Some folks in early sobriety are not far enough along to be totally honest with aquaintenances (SP), with time they will learn that the only people that push other people to drink are alcoholics trying to make their drinking look acceptable.

Very common in early sobriety, normal sleep returns with time, for some folks it takes a long time.

Very common, as the brain chemistry starts to change due to lack of the alcohol it is use to dreams return to normal, I have found after a year sober that vivid dreams are normal, no dreams when I was drinking were the norm, I don't think we dream when we pass out instead of falling asleep.

The longer without a drink the better it gets!

slimjim78

Day 5. I was really grumpy last night and kept snapping about stuff.

I had my first normal bowel movement today (when I quit drinking I'm always constipated for a few days).

My head is kinda fuzzy today. Thinking is a bit harder than normal and my motivation at work is very low. I have a headache. I'm a little less patient too.

But I still feel pretty good. I'm quite happy at the moment.

barb dwyer

Hi Slim -

welcome!

There's a world of difference between not drinkng ... and sobriety.

I'm glad to read that you're feeling good ... man o man; I sure didn't.

We're always glad to hear from those who didn't require a program of recovery. For me personally - I wouldn't be typing this if it weren't for AA. But not everyone can, will, or needs it. And that's okay.

We're here to keep each other sober.

GlassPrisoner

Good luck Slim !

You know, there's more to sobriety than just getting through the initial detox. I thought if I could just ride it out (one more time) that because I was so sick of drinking, I'd just stay stopped.
I was wrong. I always went back to the bottle, which of course would set in turn the whole viscous cycle. (Most here know what I'm talking about)

Even if I did stay stopped (I once white knuckled it for 5 years, that was a superhuman feat of willpower) I was MISERABLE ! And, I eventually drank again.

Just my experience, maybe you can draw from it.

snowgoose

The very best to you in sobriety, and may SR provide helpful support. I personally know quite a few people, including my father, who have managed to completely give up drinking alcoholic bevereges without AA, but many, many more who found that AA was the only way. The fact that you have successfully quit other highly addictive substances on your own indicates that you may be successful here, too.

Please know that the doors of AA are always open to you if/when you need, and it is (IMHO) an incredibly wise program that works if you work it.

Blessings from the Snowgoose.