This week it ends.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Folkestone, Kent
Posts: 2
This week it ends.
So, I will either stop drinking, or I will commit suicide.
Do all alcoholics have a reason that they started to drink? To numb the pain, to relieve anxiety... and what happens when the alcohol is gone again? Those problems are still there.
That's why I have never been able to stop drinking. Because when I stop, all the reasons I started are still there. Drinking is like turning out a light, and reducing the surrounding landscape to dark. So you can't see or feel the horrors, even though they still exist. And then when you stop drinking, the light comes back on, illuminating everything, just as it was before.
I can't continue to sustain my intoxication. But I don't know if I can continue to sustain a sober life of nothing either.
Do all alcoholics have a reason that they started to drink? To numb the pain, to relieve anxiety... and what happens when the alcohol is gone again? Those problems are still there.
That's why I have never been able to stop drinking. Because when I stop, all the reasons I started are still there. Drinking is like turning out a light, and reducing the surrounding landscape to dark. So you can't see or feel the horrors, even though they still exist. And then when you stop drinking, the light comes back on, illuminating everything, just as it was before.
I can't continue to sustain my intoxication. But I don't know if I can continue to sustain a sober life of nothing either.
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: England
Posts: 357
Thank you for your post x1n3ohpd122y. I understand a lot of what you are feeling.
I started drinking for a reason - I couldn't cope with life. I needed to do something to get me through each day.
I've been sober 10 months, and some days have been so much better. There still are a lot of hard days though. Today is one of them.
Have you thought about getting help for the reasons you turned to drink?
Also, have you been to an AA meeting - I go to meetings now, and there are so many people who are genuinely happy with a sober life. I'd quit like that, so I'm clinging on, despite so much wanting to die.
I started drinking for a reason - I couldn't cope with life. I needed to do something to get me through each day.
I've been sober 10 months, and some days have been so much better. There still are a lot of hard days though. Today is one of them.
Have you thought about getting help for the reasons you turned to drink?
Also, have you been to an AA meeting - I go to meetings now, and there are so many people who are genuinely happy with a sober life. I'd quit like that, so I'm clinging on, despite so much wanting to die.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
First off, if you're serious, call a hotline NOW.
That said, I felt that way many times. I wanted to die. I prayed to God every night just to end it and get it over with.
As far as why ? Don't worry about it, it doesn't matter why.
Well, you're close. For me, it was just as it was before, but worse !
The good news is that you sound desperate. Desperate people take desperate measures. For me, I was willing to do anything to quit drinking, and that proved to be as simple as admitting that I was beat, asking for help, and walking into an AA meeting.
That said, I felt that way many times. I wanted to die. I prayed to God every night just to end it and get it over with.
As far as why ? Don't worry about it, it doesn't matter why.
illuminating everything, just as it was before.
The good news is that you sound desperate. Desperate people take desperate measures. For me, I was willing to do anything to quit drinking, and that proved to be as simple as admitting that I was beat, asking for help, and walking into an AA meeting.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
What you are feeling now is nothing unusual for a lot of alcoholics, eventually some of us reach the point where there is not enough to drink to get rid of that feeling, there are plenty of sober happy alcoholics in AA that I know personally that can tell you what gun oil taste like.
AA saved my life and thiers along with millions of others.
AA saved my life and thiers along with millions of others.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Originally Posted by x1n3ohpd122y 
So, I will either stop drinking, or I will commit suicide.
.....I put it in perspective one night when I realized that my drinking was just a slow suicide that was taking everyone that cared about me down with me. I decided I could no longer go on living that way and prayed to God (any God that would hear me) to please either give me the courage to put a gun to my head or show me how to live life without drinking. I got my answer that next morning. I remembered the phone number that had been given to me several months earlier. I was able to find it. It took me nearly two weeks to find the courage to pick up the phone and call. I went to my first meeting that night and although I could not tell you what was said I walked away with hope for the first time in many years. I was taken to 90 meetings in 90 days, given a Big Book and Twelve in twelve. Although I was terrified it was great to have the hope that the light at the end of the tunnel was no longer a train......
My opinion is give a recovery program a chance. A.A. taught me how to live again with out feeling like I hated being in my own skin.
Take care and keep us updated.
Jerzy007
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: South Florida
Posts: 240
I've also been to the jumping off place-Where I could not live with alcohol but could not live without it. That desperation was a gift that allowed me to be open to the suggestions of others. Meeting with members of AA who i identified with and that have felt like I felt at that moment and got over it by taking simple suggestions and being honest with others gave me strength to start a process of recovery. Although I have struggled to stay stopped without relapsing I desire to quit drinking and drugging and the people know in the program accept me regardless of shortcomings. Please give AA a try, it healed some of the pain in my life.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 91
NOOOOO
Dont think of that geeese
please stop drinking
drink makes you more depressed so when you stop you start feeling very great
alcohol does not take you anywhre
please go to some meetings it will change you life .
There is some great people here will advice you very well
dont be weak
life is wondeful !
Dont think of that geeese
please stop drinking
drink makes you more depressed so when you stop you start feeling very great
alcohol does not take you anywhre
please go to some meetings it will change you life .
There is some great people here will advice you very well
dont be weak
life is wondeful !
Eclectics Anonymous
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 286
Surprisingly, even after only a little over a week of not drinking I am a lot less depressed and anxious then I was when I was drinking.
Depression and anxiety are very manageable diseases. Are you open to discussing this with your Doctor? Right now I wouldn't try to look at everything as all or nothing. Just decide what you want to do for today. A few days ago I started panicking about the long term but then I reminded myself that I don't worry about what will happen in 10 years about anything else so why with this? As cliche as it sounds just make it through today.
Absolutely see your Doctor. I see a lot of AA suggestions is AA a program you are interested in or are you looking for alternatives? I can't emphasis it more see your Doctor. You can get help with your w/drawals, a referral to a mental health professional, and medication to help you deal with your depression and anxiety while you work through your emotional pain.
Depression and anxiety are very manageable diseases. Are you open to discussing this with your Doctor? Right now I wouldn't try to look at everything as all or nothing. Just decide what you want to do for today. A few days ago I started panicking about the long term but then I reminded myself that I don't worry about what will happen in 10 years about anything else so why with this? As cliche as it sounds just make it through today.
Absolutely see your Doctor. I see a lot of AA suggestions is AA a program you are interested in or are you looking for alternatives? I can't emphasis it more see your Doctor. You can get help with your w/drawals, a referral to a mental health professional, and medication to help you deal with your depression and anxiety while you work through your emotional pain.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
x1n3ohpd122y
Please check out this post:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-suicidal.html
Also, call a doctor. You deserve it. You are worth it.
Here are some helpful links.
http://www.befrienders.org/
http://www.metanoia.org/imhs/
Please check out this post:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-suicidal.html
Also, call a doctor. You deserve it. You are worth it.
Here are some helpful links.
http://www.befrienders.org/
http://www.metanoia.org/imhs/
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
If you are suicidal please get help in person immediately.
This is not the place for the help you need.
Please look at the first link Paper Dolls posted.
No one here is a medical professional
and posting suicide threats is against our SR Policy.
We have many members who have lost loved ones by suicide.
Please be considerate of other members when you post.
As you are still drinking..
you are not capable of seeing the joy of recovery.
Your mind is confused and twisted.
I do hope you will get the medical help you need.
Then I suggest you take action and quit.
Blessings
This is not the place for the help you need.
Please look at the first link Paper Dolls posted.
No one here is a medical professional
and posting suicide threats is against our SR Policy.
We have many members who have lost loved ones by suicide.
Please be considerate of other members when you post.
As you are still drinking..
you are not capable of seeing the joy of recovery.
Your mind is confused and twisted.
I do hope you will get the medical help you need.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, I will either stop drinking, or I will commit suicide
So, I will either stop drinking, or I will commit suicide
Then I suggest you take action and quit.Blessings
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
FYI Everyone....
This is from our SR Policy Rules & regs Forum
so we all are aware...
As you can see....we are concerned
however...posts will be removed without notice.
Thanks for your understanding and participation.
This is from our SR Policy Rules & regs Forum
so we all are aware...
10. Please do NOT post suicide notes, or anything which could sound like you might kill or harm yourself!
This can be incredibly damaging to members and guests ... and we are *not* trained in counseling to deal with such things.
If you post such a note it will be deleted from the forum.
If you DO feel suicidal, please, please contact a real life counselor or support helpline.
Please visit a hospital emergency room for immediate assistance.
This can be incredibly damaging to members and guests ... and we are *not* trained in counseling to deal with such things.
If you post such a note it will be deleted from the forum.
If you DO feel suicidal, please, please contact a real life counselor or support helpline.
Please visit a hospital emergency room for immediate assistance.
however...posts will be removed without notice.
Thanks for your understanding and participation.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Plymouth, MN
Posts: 960
Please give sobriety a chance. Once your mind clears -- you will see things differently. Or at least you'll be able to get some coping skills. Please check into a rehab and they can help you. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I've been there -- I understand. IT CAN GET BETTER!
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