Signal30

This past weekend I took my family to Chicago for a mini weekend vacation. As we got closer to the windy city we ran into toll booth after toll booth. With that, construction, and insane traffic, I could feel my disease building. The stress was mounting, and my fiancee could tell I was about to fly off the handle. (I live in Cincinnati, so I'm not exactly used to big city traffic and chaos.)

It got to the point where I actually said out loud, " I NEED A *%#!*# DRINK!!!" Well, just after I said that we were sitting on the highway with the express lanes closed, and fighting traffic from the Cubs playoff game, I FINALLY after all the frustration remembered that I had tools to battle the stinkin thinkin. I closed my eyes and prayed. After I prayed, I felt a lot better, found the hotel we were staying in, and made my amends to my family. When we settled in too the hotel, I called my sponsor and told him about how I acted.

My point is, is that I am amazed that after going through all that stress, I could of avoided almost if not all of it if I only of used the tools I learned in AA sooner. Even with almost a year and a half of sobriety under my belt, I was reminded that my alcoholism can strike anywhere, anytime, and in any situation.

A lesson. Use the tools as soon as you start feeling those old nasty thoughts. Oh, and of course I didn't drink.


Tom

Astro

Way to go on handling it nicely and using your spiritual tool kit!

Pol

Well done Signal30 - you grasped it quickly, but don't beat yourself up about getting mad. I recently did that, I let a lot of pressure build up, but mine was work related and I let it build for a couple of weeks. Eventually, I broke down and cried in a meeting - only the 2nd time I've cried since I stopped drinking 5 years ago. My sponsors reaction - you know what did it, you know what the tools are, BUT everyone is allowed a bad day - and if you don't pick up a drink - you're doing ok.
IMO God has a wicked sense of humour as my reading the next day was based on "don't be destroyed by fear and guilt -hand it over and get over it".
Can't say fairer than that.
God Bless

juliee

Awesome!!! Thanks for sharing.

Signal30

Well see that's the point. I didn't really use the tools quickly. It took a good portion of the day feeling resentful before I rememberd to use them. I got a good dose of humility, and how this disease is powerful.





Tom

CarolD

Yes Tom...
but you were ultimately victorious!!

serenityqueen

Thanks so much for sharing with us. I have been in situations where seemingly out of the blue, wham! My disease rears it's ugly head and tries like *#)@ to bite me in the butt. But thankfully I have to big ole tool box as well to use. In my opinion, it's ok to say I sure could use a . . . Just as long as we don't!!!!! For this addict/alcoholic I have to be honest with myself when the wham hits and I say that I sure would like one. That's being honest with myself. I don't think anyone with any significant time can honestly say that they have never thought about it. It's just as long as we don't dwell on it, glorify it and then end up picking up. Glad to hear that you made amends with your family. I noticed something else, you mentioned that you did this after you got to the hotel. I imagine there was probably a bar in it or very near by. Double kudos! Without those tools and your willingness to use them you could have very easily slipped away and slipped. One last thing, I live in Dayton and have been to Cincy many, many times for Reds games or concerts at Riverfront and Riverbend. Traffic there can be a bear too!:uzi2: Seems like 75 is always under construction doesn't it?

chip

I think there's alot to be said for someone who does the right thing. It's really admirable that you've shared this expreience with us. Imagine how many of us experience similar situations where we hit our boiling points... it happens to me all the time. All too often, I do the right thing, but only after suffering a bit first. I think with time, using the AA "tool box" becomes more of a reflex action. I'm looking forward to getting to a point where I can just use the tools right away before I make a jerk out of myself. I make a jerk out of myself a bit less than I used too... but it still happens.

This disease is laying in wait for the right moment to spring back into our lives..... It's important to be vigilant. I'm glad that you didn't drink. I appreciate the reminder. As I said before, all to often I remind myself of this with my own bad behaviour.....

Sometimes, after a very bad day, I may think I only have my sobriety to be thankful for. I make sure to say thanks for it though... given the nature of this disease. Any day without a drink is a successful day for a recovering alcoholic.
chip

kelsh

Hi Tom,

I very much enjoyed your post. It is good for me to be reminded how easy that thought can pass through my head without a conscious effort on my part other than to tell myself I can't drink!

I live in a very rural community and even so the traffic can get backed up at noon and quitting time. I grew up on the coast of Washington and didn't have much traffic but have lived where I had to drive freeways everywhere I went.

I tend to let my moods build before I think about saying the Serenity Prayer. It has been the best help ever for me to sort out what I can and can't change.

Keep up the good work!

kelsh

Tazman53

Tom thanks for sharing that, it helps to hear I am not alone as others have shared the same deal. You did well, my toolbox seems to get temporarily lost some times, but so far I have managed to find and open it when needed.

Thank God it is progress and not perfection!!!! Being the perfectionist I am if not for that line I may have just given up, this is my out, as long as I do not drink or obsess about it I remain on an even keel and pretty darn happy over all.

Cathy31

You did a great job and what a wonderful example to your kids too!

An oldtimer once said to me : Your disease is cunning baffling and powerful. And it is patient. It's only purpose is to destroy you.

Well done!!!

GrouchoTheCat

A guy at a meeting here spoke last night and he checked Websters and came up with words that he could more easily relate to.

He says alcoholism is Sly, Slick, and Wicked!

livenletlive

Thanks Tom,

I can relate. Glad you used your tools.

snowgoose

Fine post and an excellent reminder! Yes, I think it was in the writings of the philosopher William James where I first read the concept that everytime we do something, it makes it easier to do it again. Which to me means that it's going to take a lot of practice using our AA tools before their use becomes automatic. And also that each use improves our odds of remembering them the next time they are need. Atta go!

dave47

Thanks for sharing that,you snatched a victory from the jaws of defeat and you are stronger for it.

GlassPrisoner

Yup, patient. Just waiting for us.

:Weightlif

Signal30

Thanks again everyone for your support. I forgot to mention that I left out some other events that day that led to my almost core meltdown. Besides all the other events that led to me finally using the tools, in between the traffic and chaos we took a water taxi from the Navy Pier to Michigan Ave, and as we were walking down Michigan Ave., my son Pooped his pants, and was so bad that it leaked through his shorts. My fincee and I had to go into a Starbachs restroom and change his diaper. (Yeah it was that bad that it took two of us). We both had poopy stains on our shirts from holding him. We didn't have a spare pair of shorts for him so we had to put them back on him. So now all three of us smelled like, well....poop.

Now that I wrote this, it's actually funny now that I look back at it. But it wasn't at the time.

I guess that's the good thing about some bad situations. After it's in the past, it can be something to laugh about.

Don't ask me why I felt the need to include this in this post...lol.



Tom

barb dwyer

hi Sig -

can't believe I'm telling YOU this but - remember -
an 'adventure' is almost never fun ... while it's happening.

That's how we know we're having one - LOL