So I did it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Des Moines, IA
Posts: 2
So I did it!
I thought I had lost everyone in my life and I kept myself isolated. I was in an 8 year relationship that ended last year and I thought all the friendships that went with that was over as well.... Well, I was invited to a group function last week.
(everyone drinks, heavily, but they dont have "my" problem)
Anyways, it was like 11am and everybody is cracking beers, my favorite.... I dont think anyone there has ever not seen me with a beer can in my hand.... Someone tossed me a beer and I gave it to the person next to me. I told them I did not feel like drinking. Ok, these people know me, I drink and drink alot. So they assume I am pregnant. Of course I am not....but I did not want to tell them why I refused..... is that wrong of me not to admit it? They would not understand, well maybe they would, do I need to tell anyone??? Thanks in advance for your input.
I titled it this way, because I typically have no self controll especially in social situations and I actually said NO!!!!!!! Trust me, I think I drank I gallon of water to keep from drinking anything else
(everyone drinks, heavily, but they dont have "my" problem)
Anyways, it was like 11am and everybody is cracking beers, my favorite.... I dont think anyone there has ever not seen me with a beer can in my hand.... Someone tossed me a beer and I gave it to the person next to me. I told them I did not feel like drinking. Ok, these people know me, I drink and drink alot. So they assume I am pregnant. Of course I am not....but I did not want to tell them why I refused..... is that wrong of me not to admit it? They would not understand, well maybe they would, do I need to tell anyone??? Thanks in advance for your input.
I titled it this way, because I typically have no self controll especially in social situations and I actually said NO!!!!!!! Trust me, I think I drank I gallon of water to keep from drinking anything else
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
That is awesome. Great job!
As far as your friends go and explaining to them. Unless someone is close enough to you to confide in you really don't owe them an explanation. Like you said everybody was so caught up in their own drinking they did not even notice your lack of drinking. Your response was appropriate under the circumstances. Personally, I did not attend events centered on drinking for quite a while into sobriety. Ironically, all my drinking friends have moved on, except two that are true friends and confidants. They are normal drinkers and understand and support me in my recovery.
Take care. Keep posting
As far as your friends go and explaining to them. Unless someone is close enough to you to confide in you really don't owe them an explanation. Like you said everybody was so caught up in their own drinking they did not even notice your lack of drinking. Your response was appropriate under the circumstances. Personally, I did not attend events centered on drinking for quite a while into sobriety. Ironically, all my drinking friends have moved on, except two that are true friends and confidants. They are normal drinkers and understand and support me in my recovery.
Take care. Keep posting
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Good for you.
I'd keep it under wraps until you've got some time under your belt.
Everyone has seen us quit "for good" lots of times. I simply worked my program, and after a while it was apparent to all what was (is) going on.
I'd keep it under wraps until you've got some time under your belt.
Everyone has seen us quit "for good" lots of times. I simply worked my program, and after a while it was apparent to all what was (is) going on.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Good job CoriB!
I'm glad you are here with us.
Social situations, when others are drinking, can feel awkward in early sobriety. Here's a couple suggestions that have helped me:
- Have an "escape plan" to leave if you get uncomfortable. Make sure you have your own transportation.
- Bring a sober friend with you.
- Confide in one or two of your closest friends, in private, before the party.
- Tell the bartender that you are driving.
- Remember that most people are too self involved to care what you are drinking.
- Get involved in the activity that isn't drinking centered (ie. Dancing, playing pool, frisbee, volleyball etc....)
When I was drinking, I didn't really care what anybody thought. When I got sober, I suddenly got paranoid about what people thought. Weird eh? If it didn't bother me much to get kicked out of a local bar, why should I worry about being judged because I'm drinking pop? It took a long time to get comfortable with sobriety, but I found that people will accept it. I found that most of the fear I had was unfounded.
I hope you'll stick with us, and keep up the good work. Good job saying "No".
chip
I'm glad you are here with us.
Social situations, when others are drinking, can feel awkward in early sobriety. Here's a couple suggestions that have helped me:
- Have an "escape plan" to leave if you get uncomfortable. Make sure you have your own transportation.
- Bring a sober friend with you.
- Confide in one or two of your closest friends, in private, before the party.
- Tell the bartender that you are driving.
- Remember that most people are too self involved to care what you are drinking.
- Get involved in the activity that isn't drinking centered (ie. Dancing, playing pool, frisbee, volleyball etc....)
When I was drinking, I didn't really care what anybody thought. When I got sober, I suddenly got paranoid about what people thought. Weird eh? If it didn't bother me much to get kicked out of a local bar, why should I worry about being judged because I'm drinking pop? It took a long time to get comfortable with sobriety, but I found that people will accept it. I found that most of the fear I had was unfounded.
I hope you'll stick with us, and keep up the good work. Good job saying "No".
chip
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Do what you need to do and stay sober.
Don't worry about what others may think..stay sober.
What I found happened when I started telling people "I don't drink anymore."...they started coming up with excuses for themself, about themself.
Well I am thinking about slowing down also.
I have an uncle who quit also.
I was thinking that quiting would be a good idea.
I should stop as well.
I would just smile and let it drop from there.
I found that a couple of people I thought were friends were just people looking for free beer or someone to get drunk with. I also found who were real friends, as they stood by my choices and would tell me how good I was doing.
You are doing great. Keep up the good work.
Don't worry about what others may think..stay sober.
What I found happened when I started telling people "I don't drink anymore."...they started coming up with excuses for themself, about themself.
Well I am thinking about slowing down also.
I have an uncle who quit also.
I was thinking that quiting would be a good idea.
I should stop as well.
I would just smile and let it drop from there.
I found that a couple of people I thought were friends were just people looking for free beer or someone to get drunk with. I also found who were real friends, as they stood by my choices and would tell me how good I was doing.
You are doing great. Keep up the good work.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Excellent job Cori, hold your head high.
The longer you stay sober the quicker you will discover the difference netween a drinking buddy and a real friend, the drinking buddy will dissappear.
Just keep on doing it!
The longer you stay sober the quicker you will discover the difference netween a drinking buddy and a real friend, the drinking buddy will dissappear.
Just keep on doing it!
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Good job Cori!!!
When I first quit drinking, I told my closest friends. I was about a month sober when I had to attend a birthday party for one of them. A few "party friends" were there, noticed I wasn't drinking, I said that I had quit and that was pretty much that. I haven't seen those "friends" since.
It's been said a lot on this board, your drinking buddies will go away in time. Your real friends will stay with you.
Keep going girl...
Karen
When I first quit drinking, I told my closest friends. I was about a month sober when I had to attend a birthday party for one of them. A few "party friends" were there, noticed I wasn't drinking, I said that I had quit and that was pretty much that. I haven't seen those "friends" since.
It's been said a lot on this board, your drinking buddies will go away in time. Your real friends will stay with you.
Keep going girl...
Karen
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
So I didn't drink....
Hi CoryB, 
I was in the same spot many times at work. I worked at a Mental Health Center and we had different programs....I worked in the Geriatric Program and worked up to a Geriatric Mental Health Counselor with my college degree and work experience.
Every six months or so our program would go on a Retreat or training out of town. There were only two of us that didn't drink so we would arm ourselves with our trusty ice chest full of drinks we liked ...most favorite was homemade lattes.
I did feel uneasy around others that drank when I first quit drinking so would skip those barbecues and picnics. When I felt comfortable and had a good reason to be somewhere with people drinking I would go. But I didn't find it hard to tell them I didn't drink anymore....I did plenty of drinking when I was younger! That worked at first and then soon it did not become an issue anymore....people just knew I didn't drink not necessarily why I didn't drink.
kelsh
I was in the same spot many times at work. I worked at a Mental Health Center and we had different programs....I worked in the Geriatric Program and worked up to a Geriatric Mental Health Counselor with my college degree and work experience.
Every six months or so our program would go on a Retreat or training out of town. There were only two of us that didn't drink so we would arm ourselves with our trusty ice chest full of drinks we liked ...most favorite was homemade lattes.
I did feel uneasy around others that drank when I first quit drinking so would skip those barbecues and picnics. When I felt comfortable and had a good reason to be somewhere with people drinking I would go. But I didn't find it hard to tell them I didn't drink anymore....I did plenty of drinking when I was younger! That worked at first and then soon it did not become an issue anymore....people just knew I didn't drink not necessarily why I didn't drink.
kelsh
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