Tazman53

Mike as with my dad, you may never know.

Doingwell we have several couples in the rooms in our area, some meetings they attend together and others they attend apart, it is suggested that folks work thier own programs and my understanding is that when a couple is in the program that they should attend some seperate meetings to give them the freedom to discuss anonymously (from thier spouse) things about thier own recovery. Which makes perfect sense, it would be like a husband and a wife seeing a therapist that each feels they need, there is an advantage for the therapist and the patient to be able to speak freely without the patients spouse being there.

mike_mass

Overall, my feelings on couples in the program is mixed (my wife is not an alcoholic, so I speak from the viewpoint of an observer over the years). A husband/wife team in AA can be a very positive thing if they have long term sobriety and are mature. It lends credibility to their efforts to help newcomers because of the role model they provide. However....I have also seen relationship problems with program couples become disruptive to the group, especially to sponsees who looked up to these people and suddenly see feet of clay appear.

DoingWell

I suppose there also has to be a real good mutal committment to keep certain things seperate yet together?
Before my divorce I went with my xhb to a few meetings but I really was not comfortable with it, not because I didn't want to support him but because I just felt if and what he shared was for my benefit (telling me what I wanted to hear)
but then my discomfort shifted when he was very open and honest to a point where there were just some things I did NOT want to know that were NEVER going to benefit the relationship (maybe his sobriety but not our relationship).
Afterwards I felt even worse than I had before and I stuffed it because he wanted me to go with him. I already knew he was a crack addict and all the things he had done to us.. but I really didn't need to hear details of him on the floor looking for stuff in the carpets of cheap motels.. just too much information. I remember in particular how he shared in a meeting I went with him to that he had felt so horrible for driving me insane about why my car antenna kept breaking .. to be honest I wasn't driven insane by it, I just thought it was a defect of the car and everytime I had it replaced they just didn't do it right LOL.. so I didn't need to hear the details of what the antenna was for.. Ignorance is truly bliss sometimes. LOL

I'm sorry I went off topic with this. I see so many couples in recovery these days and I really route for you all!

Tazman53

The couples I know do keep their recovery seperate when needed for thier own recovery and together when helping others in recovery. DOes that make sense??? LOL I am sorry it does in my head but not typed out!!! HELP!!!!!

mike_mass

That makes sense.

DoingWell

Yes that makes very good sense!
Again, I'm sorry I got off topic from your question.