Signal30

Are there ever times when you hear (or read) someone that is saying that they cannot stop drinking, (or using)., and that they lost everything, they feel hopeless, and they do not know what to do, and you just want to give the simple answer, go to a AA meeting???

Don't get me wrong, I love helping other alcoholics, and the 12th step keeps me sober. It's just sometimes, I feel that there are people who "kinda" want help, but try to find every excuse why they can't even try an AA meeting.

After receiving the excuses multiple times in a row, I am real tempted to just give the simple response, "Try going to an AA meeting". Because the excuses to me is just a, "I'm not ready to quit yet." in disguise.

Now I understand why the old timers have that no nonsense attitude.


I don't mean to give a harsh impression to those who are new to this site, and need help. I will continue to listen, and continue to help selflessly. Not because I have to, but because I want to.

There I feel better now...lol.



Tom

CarolD

Hmmm..
How dull this Forum would be if
if we only shared ..."go to AA"

Also...our 12 Step Forum is next door
our Alcoholism is here for other solutions too.

Glad to see you are not carrying around a resentment

Missymae737

Hi Tom,

Most of us have been lost in the cycle of addiction, and have felt totally hopeless. This is how I ended up in the halls of AA, and here...

After being in mental institutions, detox, jail, after losing my home, my right to operate motor vehicles, after lying in bed day after day hungover with quick fixes,(alcohol), after wanting to die....

Thank God for the people in AA, the people here, I was truly knocking on deaths' door...

Thanks for sharing...

I NEED to remember when...

Tazman53

Tom although AA is the answer for the vast majority of us that use a program for recovery, the last I heard was that if you took the total number of people who have recovered from alcoholism from all other recovery programs in history combined they would not even aproach the number of people that AA has led to recovery, AA is not the only answer, for some people they simply can not handle the spirituality nor the honesty needed to recover the AA way, yet they have found another way and that is great.

Bill W. & Dr. Bob continued to search for other methods of recovery that would work for those people that AA was unable to help..... to my knowledge neither of them ever found another way.

Tom I know for this old drunk AA was the last house on the block of recovery and I am a firm beleiver in the opening of "How it Works":

Although AA is a program of suggestions it does spell out quite clearly that in order to ensure success one must "thoroughly followed our path." For some they remain sober for many years without ever formery working the steps, some of these folks I have seen draw upon the Serenity & Peace of fellow AAers who have "thoroughly followed our path." and go to thier graves sober, others may go for years hanging on to sobriety by a thread with just the support of the fellowship then relapsing because they had been white knuckling it the whole time.

The only thing I have to offer the alcoholic who still suffers is my Experience Strength & Hope and every bit of my strength and hope I have found in AA, my experience is both what led me to AA and what I have expeerinced in my recovery via AA. I will offer suggestions that I know will help those that still suffer, but the only solution I know is AA like thousands of others.

I know there are a few here who have recovered without AA, my father & brother are among those who have, but they did not drink the number of years I did before trying to quit.

Tom as said in the BB many of us will drink our selfs to death before we will swallow our pride and ask for help because we can not stop on our own.

So many of those I see here that we share the message with could have been me just a little over a year ago, I had all the answers and would gladly share with any one how to stop drinking even though I could not find a way to stop myself!

Today I have found a solution for my alcoholism that was freely shared with me and I freely share with those that are seeking help.

GrouchoTheCat

AA works for me and I reccommend it highly!

CarolD

2 women the only people at a open grave site...

Yes...he had gone mad and homeless
but twas the drink that killed him"

"Sad...where are his AA friends?"

"Geez!! he was not THAT bad!"

findingout

Yes. I think I know the feeling. Sometimes it is hard to be patient, especially because I've had great success with the program. I'll sit there listening/reading while thinking "yeah, yeah you drink to much, blah blah but you can't do A.A. because blah blah and what are people going to think yadda yadda yadda" and wanting to just scream "Look. Go to a freakin meeting. It's not like A.A. members are a bunch of blood sucking vampires who want to cut out your individuality and pin it to their belt like a fur trapper!"

But I don't.

I have to always remember that I didn't exactly waltz into the rooms with an open mind and an open heart. I had to learn to trust that what A.A. (and N.A.) said it was about was actually what it was about. No amount of force feeding could have done that for me in any less time than it actually took.

Still, sometimes I would really like to posses the power to push people past that initial hurdle and into recovery whether they are ready for it or not

Jfanagle

I believe that AA did and still does two things in my recovery.

1. The fellowship of AA existed and when it was SUGGESTED to me by another alcoholic that I might want to attend I felt it was a good idea.

2. The EXAMPLE that was demonstrated for me when I got to AA, by other sober alcoholics gave me a goal to aspire to and the hope that I too could have a sober life.

Yes, I do think when we are looking at life from the sober side of the fence that simple instruction TO GO TO AA makes all the sense in the world. However if just TELLING someone would get them started and ultimately sober, we could dispense with meetings and just put a sign on the door above a table loaded with BIG BOOKS and have that sign say TAKE ONE!!

Tazman53

Jfanagle good point, when I was still drinking and struggling to stop on my own, my whole thought process was screwed up by drinking and a few days or week or 2 of not drinking did nothing to change my views on AA.

My alcoholism was in control and my disease told me that the solution that AA offered was sheer boredom and asking for help face to face was for weaklings.

My disease used every fear I had to keep me from going to AA.

I did not go to AA until alcohol had knocked me to my knees, even then I did not go to AA because I had no idea what to do so I put myself into detox, once the fog of alcohol started to lift I was able to hear and understand what they were telling me in detox.

"If you want a chance to stay sober you need to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor."

What they failed to mention was that if I wanted a chance to stay sober and be happy, I needed to work the steps with a sponsor.

RufusACanal

Always, Tom. I was fellowshipping with a recovered friend today about the lack of AA in many of the AA meetings we have been to lately; nothing like to old guys gossiping. "I am responsible", is the answer to your question I think and asking the new man if he would like to know about a new life is for me more than a suggestion; it is a way of living.

At a meeting a year or so ago, a member made a comment to a friend of mine and I as we were standing after the meeting talking, that AA had passed us by. We were the old way of recovery. I have heard this kind of statement more and more since that evening. Am I resentful? No. Does it concern me? I would be dishonest and not too human to say it did not, yet I know several things that are certain beside the fact of a loving God, being recovered, taxes, and death and oh yes, AA does not change.

People change, AA has not changed in over 60 years. There is a real issue with how folks no longer take personal responsibility for themselves in this age. Justifications rule the day. Forgive me, I grew up not that long ago when your neighbors were friends of the family and could discipline as easily as a Mother or Father. I rely on the Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous and the history of those who went before. Every newcomer I sponsor is asked to read about the history of AA from a variety of sources alongside of his step work. A more complete understanding is necessary for many and I was one who needed more answers and more information. The “Old-timers” are almost gone; those men and women who started our way of Life with new meetings all over this country. The same men and women who rubbed shoulders with Clarence S., Ebby T., Dick B. to name a few are almost gone.

Absolutes, Steps, Principles and Traditions; on these I live a recovered, new life. Do I do it right even half the time? No, but I never today stop to not learn more and so I too can give more.

I read your posts and cheer for you and others each day Tom. Your experience, strength and hope is the reason I remain here and I am more than grateful to rant and rave a bit when the opportunity arises. Keep up the good work!

By the way...there were few bars, alleys, corners, parks in your neck of the woods that I didn't drink in; on both sides of the stream.

Ron

snowgoose

Yeah, there are times when I find resistance to such an incredibly helpful program to be very frustrating, but AA says I should speak from my own Experience, Strength and Hope. I don't always follow that perfectly but try to keep remembering to let others know that it works for me rather than just saying I think they should go. And I try to keep in mind that there is plenty of misinformation out there about AA. Just reading posts here shows that. Figure you're sitting on a bar stool, saying you think you have a problem and are considering AA - just think what the drinker next to you or the still-drinking bartender is probably going to say.

About the old-timers and their so-called no-nonsense attitude.... I find a lot of societal changes away from hard-nosed parenting, teaching, policing, what-have-you. There may be some for whom tough-love is necessary but not me; if we had Nazi AA in my town, I would have had a very hard time. And without AA, I wouldn't have gotten sober, I'm convinced.

It's a program of attraction, not promotion, and the alcoholic has to want what we've got and go to any lengths to get it, it says.

Resistance to AA may indeed sometimes be "I'm not ready to quit yet" but other times not. I think I'll just keep on with my ES&H.

SaTiT

It gets old somtimes. but as Calor said recovery ain't boring.lol
I think beneath all of the fustration is just a heartache.
In spite of what gose on the surface we all know what a living hell
it is and wish some would just grasp it and not have to suffer as
we did.

I think Taz wrote something about don't under estimate the power
of struggle.

An old, old timer might step in and knock me on the head
and tell me not to stand in the way of someone's miracle or recovery.
On a good day they'll just remind me how hard headed i was when I
was a newbie.lol

if it get's too complicate sometimes, I refer back to the BB,
There's answers if I want answers.
I felt fustrated once or twice..lol
The lord works in mysterious ways in getting me to read the book
or call my sponsor.

In BW's story, Bill was fuastrated as hell
with the bussiness of recovery and after 6 months of trying. Everyone he
was reaching out to didn't stay sober or got sobered. He came home feeling
down and was about to give up on AA becuase it wasn't working.
Then Lois said (thank god for Lois)..."it's working, becuase you're sober"

Thanks for sharing Tom
well..I listen or read what you write..
it's working...I'm listening.lol

it might seem like that I'm not reading or listen most of the time.
oh...but I read, it might not sink in at first, but i remember or it comes
to me when I need it.

laurenlanai25

hey signal!

ive been feeling that way alot too! i have just been very frustrated. then today i was at a meeting and it was on the sixth step, we were talking about self righteous anger! even tho the feeling is not anger, i def relate to the self righteous part. since relapsing i am having to learn a thing about humility. which sucks and i dont know the first thing about it. im always so quick to judge people and not very understanding of where others may be! i am one of those people that when i start doing something, its the RIGHT way or the ONLY way. i forget so easily what it was like the past year that i was out there drinking and i have only been sober a month! i forget how miserable i was and how i so badly wanted to come back to aa and be sober again but my pride kept me out there! i forget that there was a time where i did not accept aa as even an option "i was too good and different" i wasnt wrong for my feelings i was just wrapped up in my alcoholism!

ps
im not saying that you feel any of the way that i feel, this is just where i am today and im really glad you brought that up because i needed to hear everthing that was said here tonight!!

thank you all again!!

barb dwyer

hey Signal -

I love your posts - we're on some kind of cosmic paralell, dude. You always post about something I've just done, or something I'm also experiencing...

ok - my answer -

yes.
I do too.
And I *know* it's ME.
Acceptance is the key.
Sometimes it sucks.

That's when I look to people like Carol;.
People with 'umpty dozen' years' sobriety.
how many times has SHE heard that song and dance?
how many people has SHE seen not make it back?

Then I watch what SHE does.
Sometimes I don't -
but I *try*.

S'all I can do.

Thanks for the post!!!!!

RufusACanal

Snowgoose,

I wish you well in your journey. Whether you use the word "nazi" because you have heard it around the rooms or because it seems cool to accomplish a point is of no concern to me, though the word is extremely offensive to me; I speak only for myself. Relating any AA member to this phrase is wrong and without merit as is relating AA to the most despised group of humans in modern history.

R

Signal30

Thanks for all of your comments. I did display some self righteous anger. And impatience is one of my shortcomings, like just about every other alcoholic I know lol.


I love reading comments by others on what I have said, and say to myself, "Oh, yeah he/she is right." We all need a little refresh, on the AA knowledge.

Thanks again all. Gotta be grateful for the fellowship!


Tom

Doug

I remember (more than once) feeling like I'd never stop, and before I ever stepped in a meeting, when it was suggested to me to go to a meeting, that reply didn't even register with me. I always felt like (at the time) that if somebody really wanted to help me, they'd help me with something other than what felt like a push off.

We have a unique situation here, where new people can read, and learn, before ever going to a meeting, and have some clue about what they're getting into. We get to do more here than just plant the seed.

The flip side is, the references to God, which like it or not, turns some folks off, especially when they're still using, and have been chastising God for the things he has let happen. So in their minds, it appears to be religious. Some will not understand the difference between religion, and spirituality.

Not too mention, how many practicing abusers tend to look for something other than the "easier, softer way"?

If we're lucky, they'll ask some questions, and then take the next step, based on our replies, away from their computers.

collinsmi

Couldn't agree more. Might sound offensive to do, and the person making these statements probably doesn't see themselves as being dishonest. We lie to ourselves for so long just to find something approaching comfort. I couldn't, after a time, distinguish the true from the false.