bananagrrrl

Except go to work today and leave because of the shakes and gagging.


I know this is a disease. I am just scared of the steps I need to take to get out of this black hole.

bananagrrrl

Oh, and I am drinking. I am scared to quit cold turkey now.

nandm

I hated finding that place in myself. The fear can be overwhelming. I was able to finally see past it when I realized that the fear of continuing the insanity was worse than the fear of learning to live life without drinking. I can not say it was an easy decision. For me it took laying in bed one night and asking God (anything more powerful than me) to either give me the courage to put a gun to my head or show me how to live life without drinking. Fortunatly God gave me an answer, AA. I can not say it has been all peaches and cream. Life still happens but my life today is no longer unmanageable. I am able to walk through life stuff without feeling the need to drink and run away from it. I know longer have that fear. I have hope again, I had lost that when I was drinking. Do remember you do not have to do this alone. There are people who are willing to walk beside you, teach you how to quit, and help you. I found those people in AA. I hope you find the help you are looking for. Do not give up. Step past the fear because what is on the other side of that fear is a life that is better than you can dream of right now. Please keep us posted.

GrouchoTheCat

I feel your pain. Unable to stop, unable to continue. The ultimate downward spiral.

Go see your Doctor and be honest.

Call the AA number in your area. (listed in the white pages.)

Ask for help.

bananagrrrl

Thanks you guys. I am going to have to figure out what the frick and frack I am going to do.


I feel so fricking sad.

Astro

I remember that feeling, my first five months sober I sat at AA meetings, holding onto the chair with both hands, shaking and spilling coffee on myself.

But if I hadn't been there, I wouldn't have had that moment of startling clarity, when I knew without a doubt that I belonged in AA, that I was powerless over alcohol and my life was completely unmanageable.

I hope you'll reach out to others for help. Please don't leave before the miracle happens.

Jhana

bananagrrrl, one of the first shocks to me about alcoholism was when many years ago I was complaining to my favorite drinking buddy that I had to drink because I was so depressed all the time. Imagine my surprise (hard to imagine now) when he said "Well it is probably the other way around, since alcohol is a depressant."

Say WHATTTT? (I truly didn't know). I, of course, did not quit drinking because of this "insight", but it did make me realize some of the nature of the thing.

My friend, by the way, committed suicide (many years later) after almost 5 years sober. He decided (I think) he was going to drink through the weekend, called all of us who might have been looking for him to say he was taking a quick trip, and then after a weekend of (I can only imagine-initial relief for 30 minutes or so-and 48+ hours of misery just decided to end it all and jumped from his apartment-11 floors.

bananagrrrl, keep posting and try to get through the withdrawal to a better life,

Gianna

Tazman53

As you can see from the replies bananagrrrl you are not alone!

I was where you are at now, I wanted to stop, but I could not stop, I had to drink just to feel normal!

I was going nuts, I felt lost and alone, life was hopeless, I finally went to a doctor, told the entire truth, he told me I needed to go into detox, which I did, I was still lost, I had no idea how to live life with out drinking. In detox they told me if I wanted a chance to stay sober when I left there I needed to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor!

I was scared crapless when I got out of detox, but I was to the point where I was willing to follow directions, I went to AA, I got a sponsor. What they did not tell me in detox was if I wanted to stay sober and be happy I needed to work the steps with my sponsor which I did.

Today thanks to all of the above I have been sober for almost a year, I am happy, joyous, & free, the need/urge to drink has been lifted from me.

In the rooms of AA I found people who had what I wanted and they freely shared with me the actions they took to get what they have. Today I freely share the actions I took to get where I am at today.... happy, joyous, & free!

snowgoose

Bananagrrrl, I went to a meeting this morning in which someone shared that when she has a compulsion to drink, she stops and asks her Higher Power to take it away, and it disappears. It doesn't necessarily happen that way because staying sober (via AA for me) is simple but not easy. In my case, I knew exactly which day I had committed to stopping, and sat on the edge of my bed and asked my HP to take away the compulsion. For the most part HP did. There were a few rough spots early on but I used the phone numbers I got at meetings and got by that horrible conviction that I was going down to the store for a bottle before it closed at midnite.

I don't know what to say to you except that I understand where you are right now, send you hugs and can tell you that working the program of AA is working for me, One Day at a Time. May you find a way!

It does sound as though you would benefit from medical advice, from a doctor who understands how to treat alcoholism.

Blessings from the Snowgoose.

misslisa

bananagrrrl!!!

Reading your post soooooooo reminded me of my early days in discovering that I actually had a problem! Now this would be going back about 6-7 years ago (yeah, it took me that long to stop drinking ... and trust me everyday was hell!) any way. I was trying so hard to hold down a job. going to work with the booze still on my breath from the night before. Shaking, feeling so sick, not concentrate well as the desire to have another drink to get rid of that feeling was consuming me. YUCK! what a way of life huh? I tried many many times to stop drinking cold turkey, but I got so ill and thought that I was going to die that I would eventually pick up another drink. It wasnt until I went to the doctor and told her all this that she said there was help for me. Now I thought I would have to go to some one month treatment program and would have to quit my job and also lose my kids in the process. But it was not like that at all.

I got an assesment through mental health services and the medical detox was booked for me. I was Sh*t scared about it all. But in reality it was a awesome experiance. They gave me medications to get rid of those nasty withdrawal symptoms, there were many others there feeling just the way I was feeling. Even some that were about to leave would comfort me by saying "it gets better everyday"

Have courage in this battle bananagrrrl, know that there is hope.
There is light at the end of the tunnel
Know that you can get your life back and rid yourself of these "liquid handcuffs"

Please make sure you get after care via AA or a therapist etc. Many alcoholics are drinking to cover up emotions, problems, past abuse etc. and we have to learn to use new tools to deal with them

Much love

misslisa

Anna

Hey grl,

It is overwhelming to face the fact that you are an alcoholic. I remember having absolutely no clue as to how to get out of this horrible cycle. You are not alone and there is lots of hope. You really should check with your dr and make sure it is safe for you to stop drinking completely. What worked for me in the early days, was keeping a different routine and daily patterns in my life.

CarolD

Hi again....

1. Please talk honestly with your doctor
de toxing from alcohol is a medical issue.

2. Call 404-525-3178 and ask for help.

Blessings

RufusACanal

If you are like us and you sound like you are, please take the time to consider Carol's information above and make a call. I know the pitfalls of not medically detoxing and have witnessed the loss of several men who could not get to a detox. I wish you well today.

BP44

There is a chair, a warm cup of coffee, and a sign that says " Welcome Home " waiting for you at The Cumming Group.

bananagrrrl

Thank you all so much for all of your advice and blessings.

I think I am still in the scared stiff position. I have been journaling about it and exercising- it seems like I read here that that helps. At least it gives me something else to focus on while I try to get my crap together.

HenryLG

I know how you are feeling. I had the shakes, dry heaves in the morning...you name it. It got to the point where I thought I was going to have a seizure or die, and according to the doc, it was a possibility. Not to scare you, but is whatever you are doing right now worth risking that? I just got out of a medical detox Tuesday and haven't had a drink in a week. I don't think I took a day off booze in 2 yrs. I'm still not feeling great, but slowly getting better. It will take some time. I'm fresh out, so if you have any questions you can PM me anytime.

Jhana

bananagrrrl, how are you doing?

Tazman53

bananagrrl we are thinking of you.... remember you are not alone, there are more people out there like us then you can imagine. Reach out your hand and ask for help, there are people in AA that can help and in the medical profession that would love nothing more then to help you get and stay sober.

Fluttering

banana

The fitrst step is alwasy the toughest...
Pls know you are not alone...We all have been where you are..and we are here for you.

Pls make the call.. It is not a sign of wekness to ask for help..In fact, it takes courage...
Making the call says you are willing to begin to care about yourself and those around you.

Do this for you...because you are worth it

Hugs and many prayers