karrotop

hi all...haven't been here since saturday morning....saturday afternoon,a family member said some very hurtful words to me,and i instinctively went to the liquor store,without forethought or planning.I needed to forget those mean words,and the hurt and anger it caused me,so i escaped into my old habits....the first bottle felt so good...i was able to numb myself and relax....and it all felt good....the next morning,however,i felt those all too familiar feelings....remorse,regret,shame....dry mouth,headache,and puffy eyes...but that didn't stop me from drinking the next few nights....it was amazing though,how quickly my attitude changed after drinking.....i even noticed it right away.....I was so negative,full of self-pity,self hatred,and just wanting to make the world go away....
After three days of drinking,i saw my therapist for my weekly visit...i was fine,until i pulled into the parking lot..then my eyes welled up with tears.I dreaded telling her that i had slipped after four months of being sober,and just starting to take some positive steps in my life.I told her,and she was so understanding.....after i explained what happened,she helped me see how all the pieces of this incident fit together....and why i did what i did.....and what i need to do,so it doesn't happen again......when this family member hurts me one way or another,i punish myself by drinking....I cannot let this person have the power to affect me this way,and i have to build myself a shield.......put emotional distance between me and the person....
so,today is day #1 for me..again.....i guess i don't have all the answers after all...so,i'm brushing myself off and i am going to climb back out of this black hole called alchoholism....with alittle help from my friends here at SR.....thanks for listening...love you all.

gypsytears

Good for you karrotop. Brush yourself off and put some distance between yourself and that person is a good idea. Welcome back to recovery .

Dragon Dancer

Welcome back. People slip up. The important thing is too learn from it and make changes. Sounds like that's what you're doing by recognising how affected you were by this family member and putting emotional distance between you both now.

I like how you say you're brushing yourself off and climbing out of the hole. Yay for you! Come and play on the grass up top.

Peter

Yes I know those hurtful snide remarks which family can make. They need to put others down in order to feel good about themselves. It runs common in my family.It hurts much because I so love them dearly.

Please don't take it on. It's other people's stuff.

You never have to drink again.

barb dwyer

oh, ******{KT}}}}

glad you made it back ...so many don't.

parentrecovers

thanks for your honesty, karrotop. support coming your way, k

Dee74

damn I hate this crap

I'm sorry you were the target of hurtful remarks, and I'm sorry you slipped, but I'm so glad you made it back

Peter's right - you have to disown those kind of remarks. If I still listened to my family and let them get to me, I'd still be a 24/7 drunk.

Reasons to drink'll *always* be there.
Rise above the triggers KT

D

bostonluv

You slipped and it only lasted three days. Be proud of yourself. You are a trooper and you're getting right back on the right path. What an inspiration.

CarolD

Yes...toxic people are not allowed in my life.

Glad you are here again