LettingGo

Goodness... I hope I am not taking too much time by posting again! Anyways, another question! I am having such a difficult time reaching out for a sponsor. This is fear based, and I am really surprized at myself! I am not a timid or fearful person but when it comes to asking someone to talk, go for coffee, be a sponsor, I just clam up! I know that working the steps with a sponsor is a key element to any recovery. Is this normal? Is there a certain way to approach a sponsor or certain criteria for asking someone to help you with this? I know women are supposed to be sponsored by women and men for men. I just dont know when you are supposed to get one and where to start after that. This is stressing me out!! I really want to stay sober and embrace all that AA has to offer. I know how to live on a FLOAT, but living sober is a whole different story I am finding!

The Jay Walker

leeting go

Hi I identify with the way you feel about reaching out, I had a really hard time with that too,
as far as picking a sponsor, if there is a person that you see at meetings that has been sober a while and worked the steps, and is happy with there sobriety, those are the things I look for when I'm getting a sponsor, I also tend to go with people who arent already sponsoring somebody, I also like my sponsor to have a sponsor himself, sponorship really is a two way street, as the sponsor gets to work his/her 12 step by sponsoring another alcoholic.
try not to let your shyness hold you up too long, and remember by asking somebody to sponsor you, you will be giving to them aswell.
have you been to the A.A. forum here yet?
there are some really good posts there and feel free to hop in there anytime.

Jay

Peter

One of the slogans often heard in AA is "Easy does it".

I learned to appreceate that paricular one because early in recovery I wanted everything to start happening for me right away.I was even volunteering for HI service work before I had worked any steps.

Sponsorship is a vital part of the recovery process but finding the right person to sponsor us is something that often requires time.

Don't be too impatient with yourself.Even though you may not have a sponsor right now there is still so much you can do to keep working on your own recovery.

Continue going to meetings and talking with people.Read the AA literature.Get phone numbers and use them.Stay away from people places and things associated with drinking.

My sponsor is a special person in my life.I chose my sponsor because I would listen to him share about working steps at meetings and he always kept the focus on himself.

He seemed reasonably happy with his life and he was always very friendly and kind to other people outside the meeting rooms.

I learned that these were some of the qualities to look for when choosing a sponsor.

There is an AA pamphlet available on the subject of sponsorship.Reading it may provide some useful insight on choosing a sponsor.

Peter.

phoenix

I have had that feeling too.I still struggle with it.I'm particularly lousy at picking up the phone and calling people.I could blame it on my hearing loss,but that's only part of the problem.The real issue is that I tend not to want to "bother" anyone

What has usually worked for me is to bring it up at a meeting.Once I put this,or any problem on the table, I start making progress.It's also a good idea to get phone numbers and start calling.Even someone who is not yet your sponsor will be able to help.Talk to a few women,and when something clicks...you'll probably know

phoenix

Chy

Whew.... thanks for that Peter, on day 18 I felt I was failing myself or not getting the full benefits of AA since I have not yet found a sponser. There are so few women at my meetings and only a couple I have seen on a regular basis, and none I "can relate to".

I am hopping to find someone during the womens meetings.

I know I need to find someone, but I am okay with being patient, as I feel really good am reading the book, and the womens book. I have always preferred being "self-taught". I abhore social situations, and have problems approaching people as well.

... unfortunatly that is another thing being alcholic did to me as before my drinking days I was Miss popularity, but thats okay. I'll get that back too!

vicki

To the ones looking for a sponsor, I just have my experience. And I was afraid of rejection-that was my deal, and my first sponsor rejected me at first only because she had not been successful with anyone. But, she thought a minute and said "Okay" and off we went. I did what she asked even tho' I bitched all the time, a couple of years sober she told me I had been the most willing and I said "I thought I bitched all the time"-she said "You did but you were doing the work" I knew that I was the one with a drinking problem and I had to find out all I could a bout it So i got into AA lit. I knew science would not have an answer for me, neither church nor anything else. But as I got into AA lit. I found out about the history and found out their were meeings all over and their was a start to this thing and I could actually belong! God! I never fit in anywhere. My family broke up when I was four and I was giv en away to a family along with one brother of mine. No mattter what I was growing up under this became a worse abouse situation. So when I found out I was in AA and belonged, I dove in. I tried various ways of working the steps-everybody had a spin on them but I din't know that until I was further in recovery and someone came to our group and opened that BB and shared his experiences and

vicki

(I got to learn how to make a file on this stuff) and he lined them up with the BB and ZI found out my true problem and what I needed to do. I asked that man to take me thru the steps and he took me thru the steps in probably 8-10 hours and set me to doing 9-10-11-12. Now I follow the "suggested' program of recovery that's laid out in the BB. My experience with other ways caused me confusion, emotional upset and I wasn't getting any better. I prayed for help and when God knew I was willing He sen somebody. (i wasn't hot on God at that time but I could use Him Occassionally). I had a great spiritual awakening and this program has carried me thru many tragedies and good things too. I practice following the "path" that's laid out in the BB-for me nothing else worked. You can always ask someone if they have had a spritual awakening as the result of the steps. That's what we get-it says it in step 12. I thought the BB was astory about AA and 12x12 was the way to work the steps. Well I found out the 12x12 didn't have any directions I could follow, more like essays. But I had to have help to achieve sobriety and to maintain it I use a sponsor still today, she has gone thru the BB also. God Bless on your journey of discover and recovery.

MootPoint

due to the deficit between men and women in my area, some women are successfully sponsored by men. I'm sponsored by a woman (I'm female)....... I was lucky that I found one I clicked with. I would appreciate opinions on this matter

What is living on a FLOAT?

vinnietoo

LG,

Naw you are not abnormal.....just a recovering "A". lol
In the Big Book chapter 7 page 95 I believe it says it
all my sponsor pointed this out to me so I'll pass it on..
"Show him how they worked for you" What my sponsor told
was "when working with others don't tell them how to do it,
show them how you did it" Best advice I ever recieved,
and thank God continue to.

Blessings,
Vinnie