kristin

Well I hate to say it, but I made it a few weeks without drinking and someone had mentioned that maybe I should try controlled drinking to see if I was able to do it and that would tell me if I really was an alcoholic. Well, I am an alcoholic. I was not able to do controlled drinking! I went to a bar in town to watch my neighbor play in his band and I got completly trashed. I don't understand why I used to be able drink all the time and remember everything, but now when I drink (even less amounts) I always black out????? Why is that?

I have been reading some of the other posts and it must be very hard for people to keep giving advice over and over to people that keep relapsing. Plus, it must be even harder knowing that these people are drinking and you can't? It's so great that so many of you don't give up and the person who is trying to make a change.

I didn't want to come back and admit that I had drank because I feel like such a failure, but I wasn't looking at this as a life adjustment and I really believe that it needs to be and I will do what ever it takes to make the change, but I am going to need the support!!!

K

Doug

Its progressive. Things usually will only get worse, across the board.

It's not for me, "Don't shoot the wounded." I've been through that myself. If I had a "Start over" token for every time I have started over, I could put new siding on my house!


I used to feel like this, but it was before I knew in my heart I was an alkie, before I actually accepted it. I don't compare anymore so that doesn't bother me at all.

Glad you came back to see us kristin. I hope to read some more from you!

Recovering

Hi Kristin,

Thanks for the post. You will find a lot of support here. We all have needed it
and this is one of our ways of passing along what we have received. It is also
one of the ways that we stay clean and sober. Even with relapses, alcoholics
don't like to give up on another alcoholic. Help and support is always available for those
who want it.

There is no reason to feel like a failure. Alcoholism is a cunning, baffling and
powerful disease. A quote that I really like, and probably read here, is "We are
best equipped to know the dangers of a trail only after we have walked it." So it
is with each one of us. We have had to walk the same path as you.

The greatest blessing that I have ever received was in the AA steps of recovery.
The gift wasn't just not drinking. The gift was in learning how to live. I have
always been baffled how some people can drink part of a drink and just walk away.
I was told that those people like the way that they normally feel and they do
not like the feeling that alcohol gives them. Through the program of AA, I have
now reached the point of liking how I feel without alcohol. This is my wish for
you and others.

It is said that If you want what we have you have to do what we did. We went to
many meetings, got a sponsor, talked to others, worked the steps and helped another
alcoholic.

I hope you keep coming back and thanks again for sharing.

PhilN

Don't beat yourself up Kristen. You obviously needed the confirmation. We don't get up on soap boxes and trumpet that we are right (we're usually admitting we're wrong). Pride has no place in recovery. I certainly don't blame you.

Don't look at this as a relapse. Look at it as a beginning. You've made up your mind now and you've got a great attitude. You have the choice today not to drink.

We're here for you. And when you feel it, you'll be there for someone else, that's how it works.

Welcome to the community and keep coming back, I enjoy the company.

Good luck and God bless.

Teamfour

You're not a failure. You're just not perfect! Keep trying.

one of

Hi Kristen, Have you attended any AA meetings there in Seattle or does that sound like something you'd rather not do?

Blessings - 'one of'

one of

Hi Kristen, Did my question bother you?? Honestly, I wasn't trying to push AA on you. It definitely is a program of attraction not promotion. I was simply wondering if you'd had any experiences in that area? Blessings - one of

kristin

One of,
Sorry it took me so long to get back. No, your question didn't
bother me at all. I went to AA years ago because I was forced to.
Not because I wanted to. So, I have no reservations about it. I do think it would be a great idea to look into it. Thanks

one of

Hi Kristen, Yeah, I hear you. I've signed a whole lot of court slips because I made it part of my program from early sobriety to set up and/or chair a meeting a week. My only concern with that has been that there will always be some of those who 'have to show up' who go back out, and then, when the despair with being cauight up in alcoholism sets in, will feel that 'they had already tried AA and it didn't work for them.'

There are a totally different set of attitudes and feelings people get when it's a matter of beginning to see that alcohol has the capacity to send their lives into a tailspin and, discovering that they can't quit on their own, walk through the AA doors ready to receive help with their drinking problem.

My request, for your benefit, is to please give AA a reasonable chance to help you. If the first two or three meetings don't seem to be giving you the help you need, try a few more different meetings. I honestly believe you can find meetings within a very few weeks that you will truly want to return to, and then you'll be on your way to a great way of living. Blessings - one of

myles1

When I was young in my drinking career I could drink people under the table and walk a straight and no black outs.

At just about the end I was a blithering idiot who had long blackouts and not alot of tolerance for alcohol anymore. I suppose at that point I was beginning to suffer liver damage.

It's progressive as Doug said and it gets a grip on women much earlier than it does on men.

Ngaire

MootPoint

Kristen, if you choose the AA way, you are already on step 1....

Sounds like beginning step 1 to me.

No, yer just not perfect. Stop beating yourself up and try again! They say in AA "we are all just one driink away from a drunk" and that's true. The guys with years and years of sobriety are just one drink away from a drunk. And ppl with lots of sobriety relapse too.

Every individual is different, no situations exactly the same. And... its good for me to help others

Thanks for coming back!!

Scott L.

Ther only way that you fail in recovery is if you quit trying.

delta88p

Hi Kristen;

First of all you are not a failure!!!
Hey you went a few weeks without drinking. I haven't done that since I was 18. You are already in my "drunken heroes" book. lol.

Keep going Kristen. As a musician I think I would suggest listening to your friends band on tape for a while. Bars are just too risky right now.

I think you can do it. Best wishes for success and if you fall again, don't stay away. Get back here right away and let us know so we can maybe help you find a different way to do this thing.

Delta.