Arghh, today's been hard, I've wanted a drink
Open Minded
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: NZ
Posts: 226
Arghh, today's been hard, I've wanted a drink
Today has been the hardest day yet, I'm on day 15 and for some reason my mental obsession has been back. I keep thinking about it and am trying to tell myself all the reasons I don't want to drink, how good I've been feeling about not drinking these last 15 days and how destructive it is but... there I am still thinking about it. Argh, talk about painful, lol. I thought I'd gained acceptance, what's going on? 
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Time to read this I think...
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
You are doing great!
Keep in focus
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
You are doing great!Keep in focus
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 183
Here's a quote from that link that surprised me a little.
That scares me a little. I had all of those symptoms pretty bad in the beginning. I better not get too content with where I am right now.
The same thing happened to me where I did really well for a couple weeks then all of a sudden the thoughts would come back to me. But you proved to yourself that you can tell yourself no and that's an awesome step. Just keep that up. I wrote about how crappy I felt in a journal, going back and reading that helps me when I'm feeling a little on edge. When those thoughts come to mind is there something you can do to keep yourself busy? I did that a lot too. I ended up working a lot and putting a lot more hours on my timesheet, haha.
The symptoms of PAW typically grow to peak intensity over three to six months after abstinence begins.
The same thing happened to me where I did really well for a couple weeks then all of a sudden the thoughts would come back to me. But you proved to yourself that you can tell yourself no and that's an awesome step. Just keep that up. I wrote about how crappy I felt in a journal, going back and reading that helps me when I'm feeling a little on edge. When those thoughts come to mind is there something you can do to keep yourself busy? I did that a lot too. I ended up working a lot and putting a lot more hours on my timesheet, haha.
Open Minded
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: NZ
Posts: 226
Thanks everyone :0)
I went to a meeting, my third and it was awesome. I really connected and am so glad I went. I had to go a bit out of my way and drive at night which is something I really dislike doing because of anxiety but I did it and it was so worth it. And I didn't drink today - I'm getting there.
The journal is a good thought, I've been trying to set up a blog, I need to use it more. Or maybe writing in a real journal would be more productive.
Anyway, thanks again!
I went to a meeting, my third and it was awesome. I really connected and am so glad I went. I had to go a bit out of my way and drive at night which is something I really dislike doing because of anxiety but I did it and it was so worth it. And I didn't drink today - I'm getting there.
The journal is a good thought, I've been trying to set up a blog, I need to use it more. Or maybe writing in a real journal would be more productive.
Anyway, thanks again!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
congratulations, Free!
you made up your mind, and you resolved to stick to it,
and you did. Good for you!
I was craving last night too. i was glad this morning
knowing i didn't. Knowing that i could be all sick this morning.
Instead, i got through it.
So, either i'll indulge the craving, and feel "good" for a few hours,
and then feel terrible for the next few days (not even including
the disappointment in myself).
Or, i can struggle through the cravings, knowing i'll feel good the next morning.
there will be pain, either way.
There will also be joy.
and the other way stopped working.
you made up your mind, and you resolved to stick to it,
and you did. Good for you!
I was craving last night too. i was glad this morning
knowing i didn't. Knowing that i could be all sick this morning.
Instead, i got through it.
So, either i'll indulge the craving, and feel "good" for a few hours,
and then feel terrible for the next few days (not even including
the disappointment in myself).
Or, i can struggle through the cravings, knowing i'll feel good the next morning.
there will be pain, either way.
There will also be joy.
and the other way stopped working.
DOS: 11/6/10
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
Originally Posted by AcceptingChange 
So, either i'll indulge the craving, and feel "good" for a few hours,
and then feel terrible for the next few days (not even including
the disappointment in myself).
Or, i can struggle through the cravings, knowing i'll feel good the next morning.
there will be pain, either way.
There will also be joy.
and the other way stopped working.
Thank you.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
needtobefree what you are going through is normal, congrats on toughing it out.
For me I have found that time and working the steps with my sponsor has led me to the miracle happening for me, I have not obsessed for a drink in months, in reading the BB in can attest that every promise made in it will come true:
I bolded the last part because I wanted folks to be aware that some of the promises take more time then others to come true, and take more time for some people then others.
I ask myself all the time "Why me?" I really do not have a concrete answer to why the promises have come true for me so quickly, the only reason I can come up with is that my butt was kicked so savagely by alcohol that when I finally surrendered I threw myself heart an soul into AA and the steps, I was at the point where I had to change or die, as a result I followed all suggestions to the best of my ability and I have changed.
I can only tell you that my experience has shown that for me time and working the steps lead at a minimum to me no longer obsessing alcohol, it has now become a rare occasional passing thought and that is it.
What would I suggest? If you do not have a sponsor get one, work the steps with your sponsor and go to meetings.
For me I have found that time and working the steps with my sponsor has led me to the miracle happening for me, I have not obsessed for a drink in months, in reading the BB in can attest that every promise made in it will come true:
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
I ask myself all the time "Why me?" I really do not have a concrete answer to why the promises have come true for me so quickly, the only reason I can come up with is that my butt was kicked so savagely by alcohol that when I finally surrendered I threw myself heart an soul into AA and the steps, I was at the point where I had to change or die, as a result I followed all suggestions to the best of my ability and I have changed.
I can only tell you that my experience has shown that for me time and working the steps lead at a minimum to me no longer obsessing alcohol, it has now become a rare occasional passing thought and that is it.
What would I suggest? If you do not have a sponsor get one, work the steps with your sponsor and go to meetings.
Open Minded
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: NZ
Posts: 226
Thanks again :0) This really is such a supportive and encouraging community.
Accepting Change - ty for your encouraging post - I put it on my blog too, I hope you don't mind.
Tazman - and thank you too, your post really helped. I just have to hang in there, get some more sobriety and start working the steps. I see that now and I do know that what you have said here was echoed in the meeting I went to last night :0)
Accepting Change - ty for your encouraging post - I put it on my blog too, I hope you don't mind.
Tazman - and thank you too, your post really helped. I just have to hang in there, get some more sobriety and start working the steps. I see that now and I do know that what you have said here was echoed in the meeting I went to last night :0)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Colorado Springs CO
Posts: 889
Got easier the more step work I did. The reverse is true too, if I stop, I know a drink will eventually seem like a good idea and when that happens I'll be on my way to the liquor store. My history is one of yielding to temptation, not resisting it.
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development
"This phase of our development" refers to step 9.
Suggesting that the promises will materialize if we work the suggested steps of AA.
They will always materialize if we work for them!
"This phase of our development" refers to step 9.
Suggesting that the promises will materialize if we work the suggested steps of AA.
They will always materialize if we work for them!
I am glad you found the meeting helped-they help me too.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
During my first month of sobriety, I would get cravings. When I would get them, I would get irritable, frustrated, and had absolutely no patience for anything. My fiancee would say, "Oh for Christs sake Tom GO TO A MEETING!"
I would go to a meeting, sometimes two, and after I got back home I was fine.
Just remember that God does for us what we can't do for ourselves. We just have to take the initial effort.
Tom
I would go to a meeting, sometimes two, and after I got back home I was fine.
Just remember that God does for us what we can't do for ourselves. We just have to take the initial effort.
Tom
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
Something pretty much related to what I've said previously from "24 Hours a Day".
You should leave your security to God and trust Him not to let you fall. He is there to give you all the power you need to keep on climbing.
Take it for what it's worth.
Tom
You should leave your security to God and trust Him not to let you fall. He is there to give you all the power you need to keep on climbing.
Take it for what it's worth.
Tom
Open Minded
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: NZ
Posts: 226
Thanks again everyone :0) I'm on day 18 now and doing ok. I went to a meeting this morning as I turned up at Uni a week early, lol. The first thing I thought was - Oh great I can drink today) urgh. The meeting helped :0)
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