nakur

Hello I have been drinking the whole week, average 8 beers a day (100mg alcohol). Usually I feel not to good in the morning but today is special as I woke up at 7 (slept just for 4 hours) with my heart racing and a panic attack. Now my heart beat is normal but my blood pressure is a bit high (150/95) and I am in a constant state of panic, worrying that I finally overdid it with drinking and will die. I had this a few times before, always after 6-7 days of drinking. Anyone else who had the same?

Anyway I have been a reader here for a while as I am trying to quit drinking. I have been drinking for 9 years now (I am 27). The first few years I was a normal drinker but since 2001 things started going worse. I managed to stay sober for 9 months in 2003 and 2006 but usually I drink for 6-10 days in a row, then stop for a couple of days and so on. I am starting to get health problems (sugar level, bad concentration and memory, depression) and I gained a lot of weight. My alcoholconsumption has also increased from average 6 beers to 8 beers a day. I feel like if I dont stop know the battle may be lost.

This month I managed to stay 10 days in a row sober because my doctor gave me refusal but after 7 days I just stopped taking it I am such an idiot but I got the cravings and crazy idea I could control it again. So I am gonna try quit again but this time with the help of this forum I have to manage to get past the first 14 days and keep taking the refusal, that's how I made it in 2003 and 2006.

darkinmysilence

im sure this may sound stupid, but perhaps you had a nightmare and drinking was involved in it?i have had this happen a couple times. for me, i took it as a sign that my mind had developed a fear of it...unfortuneatly i continued anyways. the best advice i can give if you truly want to quit is AA. I only recently felt i needed to quit after 7 years of heavy constant drinking..in fact i've only been dry for 5 days now. but once you are certain you want it out of your life for good, you will look everywhere and anywhere for the support you need and my only suggestions are this forum, friends and family, and AA. I hope you can find a way to calm down tho, panic attacks are rough. I know where you're coming from.

Spiritual Seeker

I hope you beat this before it beats you. You know what to do.

barb dwyer

nakur -

I had that panic every single morning.

It's not a good sign, my friend.
It's not so much what you did (or whom) but it's your body unable to process the poison you're putting into it.

Check out the sticky on the top of this forum 'Under the Influence'.

Get in touch with your doctor. Truly. Be completely honest with them.

How seriously do you want to stop?
What are you willing to do for yourself to accomplish that?

We're here to do what we can as well.

nakur

Thanks everyone, I still feel quite anxious but my BP is a bit lower. Now the real battle starts.

@barb_dwyer

So I am not the only one, couldn't find it anything about it on the net. I really want to stop but you know in a couple of days a little voice starts saying "see, you could stop, just have a few and then stop again". But I have to defeat it as I can't continue this way.

The doctor is not an option as I lied to him the last 6 months, I am ashamed to visit him again. I told him I wasn't a heavy drinker but only drinking a couple of months, then he gave me valium so the withdrawal would be easier but I just took the valium and kept on drinking. 1 1/2 month ago I visited him again and told him that I am still drinking so he gave me refusal and valium. This time I managed to quit twice for a week but in the end I ****ed up again

My withdrawals are not really very bad, some sweating and shakes, a lot of anxiety, bad sleep and slightly eleveted BP (140/90). So I guess I will withdraw alone again and see if I can start visiting AA.

barb dwyer

Hi Nakur-

and did anyone say 'welcome'?

I apologize if I didn't .. that was hours ago.

Welcome!

I feel I must tell ya that to detox without the supervision of a professional can be quite dangerous.
And I know that, even in Holland - there's other doctors.
Wear a disguise.
You won't be the first they've seen.
They'll think you're an american movie star or something!

Good for you checking into AA near you!
Good for you deciding to change your life for the better, as well!!

nakur

Thank you!

That's a good idea perhaps I should try another doctor. Only problem is it's Saturday today and in the weekend I can only go to an emergency room. I will somehow make it, panic is getting less but my mouth is horrible dry and my body pumped with adrenalin and cortisol. Even though I didn't drink that much yesterday my body is giving me a clear sign that it is enough.

Peter

Welcome nakur. I remember those morning feelings. Like being in a tomb and the compelling urge to throw myself off the third floor balcony.

They will worsen if you continue to drink. You will wake up shaking in the morning searching for a bottle and you will sell your soul for a drink.Don't let this become your life.

I commend your actions in doing something about quitting for good.

bye_bye_vodka

Welcome! My advice also is to make a visit to a doctor.

BP44

Welcome Nakur!!! Indeed, you need to seek medical attention. First of all, Valium or any other benzodiazepine combined with alcohol is a deadly combination. The potential for overdose is very high. If you've been taking the Valium for a long time, you are going to need a medically supervised detox. It takes about a month to detox from benzodiazepines due to the long half life if you've been taking them regularly. Much longer than to detox from alcohol. Withdrawing from either one of these can kill. And withdrawing from both at the same time is extremely dangerous. My suggestion is to find a substance abuse treatment center and have yourself voluntarily admitted so that you can safely detox.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

What Barb said..

CarolD

Welcome and Hello!


Keep in focus...
Blessings

nakur

Thanks everyone for your concern. I feel better now, my panic is gone and my BP is down to reasonable 130/85. Now it's just a normal hangover, the first stage of withdrawal.

BP44 I apperciate your concern but it has been a month and a half since I took valium and I haven't been taking it regularly. I think it's already out of my system.

Because of the social health system in Holland there is no way I can go to detox during the weekend. But I have a device to monitor my blood pressure and BPM so I will contact the emergency room if I get extreme values. My withdraws haven't been that bad so I hope this one will go ok too. The last time two weeks ago I also stopped drinking without medication (just the refusal after 3 days) and I experienced sweating, anxiety, a bit shakyness and bad sleep but nothing more.

I can also call AA if something goes wrong, they have a 24hr. number in Holland. Wish me luck and I will keep you updated as it's not likely I will get any sleep tonight

GlassPrisoner

Hi Nakur !!!!

Yup, not a good sign. That's what withdraw feels like in the very beginning. I always thought it was nerves or something. And, strangely enough, a shot would fix it. Or one of my ex-wifes valium. Or a shot and some valium

It only gets worse from there friend. You're heading straight towards DAILY full blown withdraw and DTs if you continue drinking.

ANGELINA243

I understand exactly what you are going through. Yesterday--day 6 for me--I woke up with my heart racing and was the beginning stages of a panic attack. (I did not have any drinking dreams or nightmares. I actually slept very well--but awoke for no reason in a panicked state.) It felt like I was going through alcohol withdrawal (in my mind & body) all over again. I caught myself in my bewildered state early enough that I was able to take deep, slow breaths & thus, bring my heart rate down to a more "normal, regular rhythm".

It was very scary though. And for half of the day I did feel like I had somewhat of a hangover--but knew that it wasn't possible because I hadn't been drinking.

You are not alone. I don't understand what is going on with my body--but I'm glad to know that I didn't need to take a drink over it. By the way, I did call a sober member of my support group--and they said "this too shall pass" and dont' drink--because I wasn't going through actual alcohol withdrawal & did not require Emergency medical attention.

nakur

Hello everyone, a quick update 26 hours after the last drink. The horrible panic I had this morning and afternoon is gone now, thank god! It must have been part of withdrawal or my body telling me I had gone too far.

Withdrawal symptoms now: anxiety, a little bit shaky, trouble concentrating, sensible to sounds, unable to sleep (2:21 am here). BPM, temperature normal, BP a little elevated 130/90, I have 120/80 normally so nothing to worry yet.

I hope I will be able to get some sleep in the morning, usually I feel better on day 2 but the nights will be tough for a few more days. I will start taking refusal again tomorrow afternoon. From day 7-8 the real battle begins as the psychological mindgames and cravings start while the horror and panic of today becomes just a vague memory

Signal30

You must be honest with your, or a doctor. That way he or she can figure out where you need to be. But before you can even do that you must be honest with YOURSELF!!! Physical detox, treatment center, and then AA meetings are usually the standard.

It works if you work it.



Tom

BaldHeadedJohn

If you're having troubles, please get to a doctor. A few days of supervised detox may be needed. I detoxed myself about a week or so ago, and saw my doctor the day after I quit. He said things were fine, but that's just me. Your doctor needs to know. I've been on all sorts of anti-anxiety meds since 1999, and I only 'fessed up to my doctor about a year ago.

Keep posting and let us know how you're doing, 'K?

BHJ

nakur

Hallo all, I made it to day 2. Last night was quite bad, I couldnt't sleep at all in the beginning so I sat all night in front om my pc and visited my first on-line AA meeting. Because I felt quite anxious, confused and had strange tingling sensations in my legs and arms, I didnt chat much in the chatroom but it was good to listen to other people. Finally I went to bed around 7am and when I lied down I felt hundreds of different thoughts and emotions racing through my mind as various depressed parts of my brain became activated again. I started to panic but finally calmed down and slept till noon.

When I woke up, I felt tired and slow. In my previous withdrawal attempts I would just sit in front of my PC waiting for the days to pass by. But I realized that this would make me more depressed, increasing the chance of drinking again to "socialize" or "have fun". Exercise is what I needed! So I cleaned the whole house, went for short bike ride and then decided to work in my garden which has become a true jungle in the last couple of months. After 15 minutes I was sweating like horse and when I finished one hour later I was totally soaked. The garden is still a jungle but it looks a bit better. Besides now I have another task for tomorrow

I feel much better now, just a bit anxious but the serotonin rush from the exercise makes it a lot easier. Other good news my BP is almost normal now 125/80! Some of the withdrawal symptoms will return in the evening and I won't be able to sleep normally for some time but I think the worst is over now.

Tomorrow I will take a few doses of refusal so I won't be able to have a drink for a couple days more. The question is if I manage to stick to the refusal or fool myself again that I am able to somehow control my problem I also checked out the Dutch AA and will contact them tomorrow.

Wish me luck

GlassPrisoner

Great news !

Don't overdo it ijn the beginning. We alkies tend to overdo everything. Just rtake little baby steps. You may find you tire quickly.

AA is a great idea. It's the only thing I found that kept me from drinking. I could stop, but I couldn't stay stopped.

Good Luck and God Bless.