help?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Somewhere, MA
Posts: 6
help?
i posted this on several other pages but want to try to get a variety of thoughts. i know i need to do something, but not sure what's the best route... so here's my issues...
i've realized that i drink too much for some time now... but i've always thought i could just quit whenever i wanted.
about a month and a half ago, i got drunk and did something that is so unlike me... it not only caused me to question my drinking but it may have cost me a chance at a very meaningful relationship with somone i care for very deeply... i have a feeling she may forgive me someday, but i can't be sure... after that night, i promised to not let my drinking get out of my control... and up until a few days ago, i was extremely successful, having no more than 2 drinks in a 24 hr span, and often not drinking at all, even at bars or parties.
but saturday night, however, i fell back in. i had 2 drinks at dinner... then instead of sticking to my self-imposed minimum, i split a 6pack with a friend... i was feeling fine but then, instead of going to bed and getting up for my 8am soccer game, i sat in front of my computer, drinking beer after beer and chatting online until about 4:00am... what's even worse is that someone i met online actually came over to my house at 4:30 in the morning and we slept together...
i've never been more ashamed. but i can't believe that i can't do this myself... do i have a drinking problem? addictive personality? am i just overly impulsive? or did i just make a couple of bad judgment calls?
basically i feel very confused and ashamed and lost right now... i've always considered myself a strong-willed and rational person.. i've never in my wildest dreams would have thought myself capable of this...
do i need AA? or SMART? or is it possible to control this on my own? i did make it almost 2 months without having more than 2 drinks and i felt very healthy and happy... should i give it another shot? or get help? i've already deleted my chatroom account and can guarantee that what happened on saturday will NEVER happen again, but i'm a little concerned that, if i do indeed have an addictive personality, i will find some other self-defeating avenue to travel down.
any thoughts? ideas? suggestions?
i've realized that i drink too much for some time now... but i've always thought i could just quit whenever i wanted.
about a month and a half ago, i got drunk and did something that is so unlike me... it not only caused me to question my drinking but it may have cost me a chance at a very meaningful relationship with somone i care for very deeply... i have a feeling she may forgive me someday, but i can't be sure... after that night, i promised to not let my drinking get out of my control... and up until a few days ago, i was extremely successful, having no more than 2 drinks in a 24 hr span, and often not drinking at all, even at bars or parties.
but saturday night, however, i fell back in. i had 2 drinks at dinner... then instead of sticking to my self-imposed minimum, i split a 6pack with a friend... i was feeling fine but then, instead of going to bed and getting up for my 8am soccer game, i sat in front of my computer, drinking beer after beer and chatting online until about 4:00am... what's even worse is that someone i met online actually came over to my house at 4:30 in the morning and we slept together...
i've never been more ashamed. but i can't believe that i can't do this myself... do i have a drinking problem? addictive personality? am i just overly impulsive? or did i just make a couple of bad judgment calls?
basically i feel very confused and ashamed and lost right now... i've always considered myself a strong-willed and rational person.. i've never in my wildest dreams would have thought myself capable of this...
do i need AA? or SMART? or is it possible to control this on my own? i did make it almost 2 months without having more than 2 drinks and i felt very healthy and happy... should i give it another shot? or get help? i've already deleted my chatroom account and can guarantee that what happened on saturday will NEVER happen again, but i'm a little concerned that, if i do indeed have an addictive personality, i will find some other self-defeating avenue to travel down.
any thoughts? ideas? suggestions?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Somewhere, MA
Posts: 6
help?
ideally i 'd like to just drink moderately. i really enjoy a glass of wine at dinner and a beer at the ball game... and i find it hard to believe that i'm incapable of limiting myself to that... so should i give it another go? (the moderate drinking, i mean)
(i tried to post a similar response a little bit ago, but it hasn't showed up on the thread, so i'm not sure if you got it... i'm new here so not sure how it works)
and thanks for responding.
(i tried to post a similar response a little bit ago, but it hasn't showed up on the thread, so i'm not sure if you got it... i'm new here so not sure how it works)
and thanks for responding.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Australia
Posts: 610
Hello crb,
I can relate to how you're feeling, I've felt it so many times before.
One important thing for me to learn was that I wouldn't normally do these things while sober. It really was a case of impulsivity in the extreme for me, but I had little control once I started drinking. In fact, I tended to want to do the one thing that I definitely should not do.
Another very important thing for me was to stay sober, so I went to AA purely because it made sense to me. They were staying sober and I wanted to know how. For years before I decided to stop, I just wanted to learn how to control my drinking. I never did and I've never heard of a single alcoholic who has either. Not permanently anyway.
I had to hurt enough to see what it was doing to me. I realise now that I made out like alcohol was some kind of luxury that I didn't want to miss out on, but it really was just an obsession. Even if I cut down, I was never satisfied and constantly craving or planning the next one. I don't miss it at all now.
Take care
Amy
I can relate to how you're feeling, I've felt it so many times before.
One important thing for me to learn was that I wouldn't normally do these things while sober. It really was a case of impulsivity in the extreme for me, but I had little control once I started drinking. In fact, I tended to want to do the one thing that I definitely should not do.
Another very important thing for me was to stay sober, so I went to AA purely because it made sense to me. They were staying sober and I wanted to know how. For years before I decided to stop, I just wanted to learn how to control my drinking. I never did and I've never heard of a single alcoholic who has either. Not permanently anyway.
I had to hurt enough to see what it was doing to me. I realise now that I made out like alcohol was some kind of luxury that I didn't want to miss out on, but it really was just an obsession. Even if I cut down, I was never satisfied and constantly craving or planning the next one. I don't miss it at all now.
Take care
Amy
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Bear DE
Posts: 31
Welcome to the forum crb. Thanks for sharing.
Don't feel ashamed of yourself. It took courage for you to share what you have. I can relate to wanting to be a moderate drinker. My dream, whether I would care to admit it, is to be able to drink moderately. I can also not tell you how many times I got drunk while on-line and woke up with strange names on my IM list, credit card charges for adult web sites etc. I was very ashamed of myself because I never did stuff like that while I was sober.
Trying to drink moderately landed me in a world of hurt. I discovered that the only way I could drink safely was to not drink at all. To arrive at that, I had to admit that I had a problem.
But people are different. You need to decide for yourself whether you have the addiction. No one can decide for you. With me, the only proof I needed was an inability to stop after the first drink. That was it.
The people in this forum will have different points of view. They're all valid. If you are interested in quitting, I would advise finding a path to recovery that works for you.
Good luck and God bless
Don't feel ashamed of yourself. It took courage for you to share what you have. I can relate to wanting to be a moderate drinker. My dream, whether I would care to admit it, is to be able to drink moderately. I can also not tell you how many times I got drunk while on-line and woke up with strange names on my IM list, credit card charges for adult web sites etc. I was very ashamed of myself because I never did stuff like that while I was sober.
Trying to drink moderately landed me in a world of hurt. I discovered that the only way I could drink safely was to not drink at all. To arrive at that, I had to admit that I had a problem.
But people are different. You need to decide for yourself whether you have the addiction. No one can decide for you. With me, the only proof I needed was an inability to stop after the first drink. That was it.
The people in this forum will have different points of view. They're all valid. If you are interested in quitting, I would advise finding a path to recovery that works for you.
Good luck and God bless
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Somewhere, MA
Posts: 6
help?
first of all, thanx to eveyrone who responded so far... this is the toughest time i can ever remember having...
philn -- i obviously have a problem. i know that. but i'm having trouble deciding whether my problem is an addiction? is the only solution never touching one drop of alcohol ever again? or is there a way to control myself so i can still enjoy a glass of wine at dinner or champagne at a wedding without relapsing into old habits that lead to such bad, impulsive decisions.
i've never tried controlling my drinking before, but like i said i was very successful for almost 2 months and, aside from some weird looks and comments from my friends when i ordered a coke or coffee at the bar, i had no real complaints about how i felt... in fact, i actually felt kinda proud of myself... and i felt as healthy as ever (no hangovers on the weekends were great)
but after my last episode i went to a SMART meeting (it was the closest to my office) and the mediator/instructor/whatever said that most people who succeed in this endeavor (whether it be to quit altogether or just gain control) relapse 3 times on average... so does that mean there's a chance i can just refocus my efforts and stick to my 2 drink per 24 hr rule? or do i have to quit altogether? i just don't know... i mean, i can sit down, have a beer, and go to bed with no problem 99% of the time.. no real cravings or urges to get drunk... it's just that small percent of the time that i haven't learned to control... how i haven't learned to just see what's coming and let my rationale take over... how to make that little voice inside of me saying"no" louder than the one saying "why not?"
anyway, i'm rambling... i know this is my choice and my choice alone but any ideas are welcome... i'm in the very early stages of admitting something in my life needs to change in order for me to be happy, and i know my drinking habits are the first thing that need major renovation, if not elimination... so please let me know what you think... no matter how brutal it may be...
PS -- what's the deal with RR? SMART?
philn -- i obviously have a problem. i know that. but i'm having trouble deciding whether my problem is an addiction? is the only solution never touching one drop of alcohol ever again? or is there a way to control myself so i can still enjoy a glass of wine at dinner or champagne at a wedding without relapsing into old habits that lead to such bad, impulsive decisions.
i've never tried controlling my drinking before, but like i said i was very successful for almost 2 months and, aside from some weird looks and comments from my friends when i ordered a coke or coffee at the bar, i had no real complaints about how i felt... in fact, i actually felt kinda proud of myself... and i felt as healthy as ever (no hangovers on the weekends were great)
but after my last episode i went to a SMART meeting (it was the closest to my office) and the mediator/instructor/whatever said that most people who succeed in this endeavor (whether it be to quit altogether or just gain control) relapse 3 times on average... so does that mean there's a chance i can just refocus my efforts and stick to my 2 drink per 24 hr rule? or do i have to quit altogether? i just don't know... i mean, i can sit down, have a beer, and go to bed with no problem 99% of the time.. no real cravings or urges to get drunk... it's just that small percent of the time that i haven't learned to control... how i haven't learned to just see what's coming and let my rationale take over... how to make that little voice inside of me saying"no" louder than the one saying "why not?"
anyway, i'm rambling... i know this is my choice and my choice alone but any ideas are welcome... i'm in the very early stages of admitting something in my life needs to change in order for me to be happy, and i know my drinking habits are the first thing that need major renovation, if not elimination... so please let me know what you think... no matter how brutal it may be...
PS -- what's the deal with RR? SMART?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 46
You have to REALLY want to quit for good to quit for good. Doesn't sound like you do. You'll be able to tell you're ready when you feel like crap most of the time, you are not on top of things in your life (except maybe girls from chat rooms) and you find yourself sneaking and lying a lot. If you reach that point, try AA or RR. I used RR and will never get another artificial high. In RR, we call that little voice inside your head The Beast and use a method called AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) to defeat it. There is a crash course in AVRT at rational.org you can check out if you want. I don't know anything about SMART.
Last edited by screen3; 05-14-2003 at 12:28 PM.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 59
Try answering the 3 Cs of substance abuse recovery:
[list=1][*]Do you have a loss of Control when drinking (over consumption)?[*]Do you have Consequences from your drinking (financial, health, legal, relationships, emotional, spiritual, or occupational)?[*]Do you Continue to drink despite the Consequences?[/list=1]
If you answered yes to all three, then you are probably an alcoholic who needs to stop drinking.
[list=1][*]Do you have a loss of Control when drinking (over consumption)?[*]Do you have Consequences from your drinking (financial, health, legal, relationships, emotional, spiritual, or occupational)?[*]Do you Continue to drink despite the Consequences?[/list=1]
If you answered yes to all three, then you are probably an alcoholic who needs to stop drinking.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Somewhere, MA
Posts: 6
help?
teamfour,
1. yes
2. yes
3. yes
100%... that used to be a good grade...
i guess i'm looking for everyone to give me the answer i want to hear... not the one i know i need to hear... well i just ordered the RR book... here goes nothing... or everything.
1. yes
2. yes
3. yes
100%... that used to be a good grade...
i guess i'm looking for everyone to give me the answer i want to hear... not the one i know i need to hear... well i just ordered the RR book... here goes nothing... or everything.
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