Lauriejess

Thought I'd come here and share my pain and humiliation over the events of last evening. My oldest brother turned 50 and my "family" gathered to have dinner at a restaurant to celebrate. The owner of this restaurant happens to be an aquaintance of mine. (My mother picked the place) Did not have an idea of how strange my "family" is till now. My father was is usual obnoxious self and loud. My sister showed up wearing sumglasses and never removed them once due to having 2 black eyes. Another story. Back to my father though. Here are some of the things he did: exclaimed to the owner of the restaurant when introduced "so you own this dump?" Attempted to hit on owner's girlfriend and inappropriately touched her arm, etc. Then while at the table kept staring at her and making sexual comments. Loudly exclaimed in the diningroom that a teacher at my daughter's high school is a fag! Annoyed the heck out of my 16 year old daughter with continual comments that insulted her, despite me telling him to stop it. Insulted my brother to his wife by stating he went to college and never used his education. Please understand my father never paid one cent for his college nor guided him in anyway. My brother did it all on his own and with the help of a neighbor who guided him. The list goes on. Basically he just made me want to hide under the table!

So I got home and took some Tylenol. I crawled into bed and after awhile the tears just flowed out. I hate that I will never have a father to be proud of, but one that I hate to admit is even mine! He will be 69 in June and my whole entire life has been a nightmare due to him and his alcoholism.


Now my aquaintance knows my secret; my father is a complete nut job!!

Thanks for listening.

Laurie

catch-22

what a waste of space! Unfortunately, that's alcohol for you. Sounds like my father, and he is not even an alkie! Try and forgive him. It's not entirely his fault, after all. It's that devil in him called alcohol.

Catch

Tazman53

I would go to alanon and learn how to deal with him.

GrouchoTheCat

My Dad could be an ass too, he was a workaholic.

Mom brought him here last weekend to stay with me. He still knows me but he's slipping away mentally. I really believe that I have forgiven him and I enjoy being able to take care of him. For all his faults, I put him through h3ll with my drinking. At least I can make it up to him now in a small way, even though he dosn't really understand anymore.

My only suggestion is to pray for your Dad.

Ted

Peter

I don't know what to say Laurie. I know it hurts. It might help to remember that your father is sick and is coing what he feels is normal. You are not responsible for that.Do not take on his shame.

Music

Laurie, I have only one thing to add to this. You don't have a choice that he's the sperm doner, but you do have a choice about whether or not you associate with him. I think it's a little late to suggest you don't "take on his shame." You already have, but you can get some help to let go of that shame too. I suggest you do that.

ghostgirl

hi honey, sorry to heaqr about your dad. i can relate, with my grandmother. she raised me, and brags that she never took a drop of alcohol in her life, but she was certainly a "dry drunk", and would act just like your dad. (minus the sexual stuff). i know just what you mean... with all the other stuff that has gone on in my life, she is the one thing that i feel so much resentment toward still.

gg

parentrecovers

alanon really helps me. blessings, k

Debaucher

Lauriejess...

I was getting ready to go to sleep last night... and I was meditating (thingking/reflecting) on how I can be a better dad...

I was reflecting on what I need to do better and thanking God I am sober and praying for patients and serenity that I may be a good father...

Thank you for sharing that... and I'm sorry...

It eerily reminded me of the following

"You are about to show me shadows of the things that have not happened, but will happen in the time before us," Scrooge pursued. "Is that so, Spirit?"

justjo

Family or not. Alcoholic or not. You have to decide if you want to tolerate this behaviour anymore. I know hes your father but I just wouldnt have anything to do with him in public or in my own home for that matter. He does it because he has always got away with it.

Pick-a-name

Hello; sorry you are hurting.

Please join us over on the Family and Friends Forum......lots of us there who understand what you are feeling and are willing to share what we have learned that can help. I'll keep a look out for you there;hope you'll check it out!

Surlyredhead

Oh Laurie, I am so sorry that happened. The one thing I had to come to terms with is that we are not allowed to pick our family members, we also don't have to like them. It is not a crime not to be friends with all of our family members. That doesn't mean that we need to hate them, please don't get me wrong, but like is another thing all together. I haven't spoken to my Father in over 14 years.....because it was a toxic relationship. It was mentally wrecking me, so I opted to put some space between the negativity and me. I don't hate him, but I sure don't miss him either. I consider my family to be the people who love me for me, and I love them for them too!!! Possibly you can put in an appearance when necessary, other than that, surround yourself with positive people.

((((((Laurie)))))

Cathy