Joi

I'm disgusted, know he did this with his ex wife one time. Dont think he will want me to do that, but it nausiates me. I can't get past it. Help please.

GlassPrisoner

Without going to deep into my sexual inventory, just let me tell you that alcohol twists the alcoholics sex drive just as it does everything else. I know when I was still drinking, I would have tried just about anything with anybody, including swinging.

I'm no longer in a relationship. So I don't really have anything else to share.

Perhaps you should post over on the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forums. the (mostly) women over there can share their ES&H with you.

Joi

I'm the alcoholic. HE"S sober. Ah, the irony.

GlassPrisoner

Well then.....umm........I'm stumped.

No, I'm not. Get your own house in order. Get yourself sober FIRST, then deal with your husband. My sponsor always tells me it's none of my business what others are doing, to focus on keeping my side of the street clean. I realize this is a little different, but it still applies.

And, if you're using his sexual "open mindedness" as an excuse to drink, then step work will REALLY help you out. We alkies love to be victimized.....

Remember, we can only control what WE do. You can't control your husbands behavior.

Joi

I am sober. But thanks for the input.

paulmh

I'm with GP - on both posts.

Take care of yourself Joi. Don't let the old feelings that things are happening to you which you "should" be able to control take you back to a drink. Honestly it's liberating to just be able to concentrate on making ourselves well, and learning to live with other people as they are - or, if we can't do that, having the self-assuredness to know when we have to let go.

We have to go to any lengths to stay sober.

Joi

Thanks, ya'll. I'm listening to Lyle Lovett, and he fills me full of "halleleujah!

paulmh

...and I'm sorry if my reply is focussed on the alcoholism part. But for this alcoholic, I keep asking myself about any questions - how would it affect my chances of staying sober?

Take care.

Joi

oh, it won't affect that. it only affects my choice of being together or being alone. Thanks again. Not to worry. Drinking is the least of my problems. I have real issues here. But frankly, in the words of my Texas Granny, " I've just got to stick around and see how all this sh@t turns out."

BP44

The only suggestion I have is to go to a women's meeting and dump it on the table. A sponsor can be very helpful in weeding through this kind of crap. Hope this helps

GrouchoTheCat

Don't know quite what to say Joi,

I never experienced anything quite like this.

Anyhow, glad you're sober, hope you can get some advice from the women.

Take care,

Ted

CarolD

I reallyy have no clue as I am the happiest divorced
person I know. Porn and adultry were not the issues.

Sorry to see you in this situationbut glad your sobriety is solid.

Blessings

SaTiT

There you go..get sober to be a nune or a monk.

whatelse would you expect people to title pron flicks..
maybe this this might make you more dizzy...The porn industry
makes more money than, drugs and gambling combine

look on the bright side...whatever the heck you thought you did was stupid bad..
when you do your 5th....It ain't going to faze the guy.

care4uNJ

Firstoff, glad to hear that your sobriety is solid!! Secondly, if your husband isn't asking you to partake in any of this, then I wouldn't waste another second worrying about it.

Personally, I'm not into all of that 'smut' either, but you'd be surprised just how many well-respected individuals are. I guess its an 'outlook' for some or fanasty or whatever. I don't have the foggest idea. But..... isn't it amazing how lucative the porn industry is. Who's buyin all that stuff -- from the #s millions and millions of people. Ohhh what a world!

Jo

Pick-a-name

Join us over on the Friends and Family forum.....we'd love to have you ! As GP suggested,might be some helpful imput there.

GreenTea

Joi... I think you need to talk to your husband and let him know your feelings and reaction to his porn selections. Tell him that you understand he may have done that in the past with former spouses, but that you are in no way whatsoever interested, and further, simply having it laying around is making you uncomfortable to the point of feeling physically ill.

Joi

Thanks so very much to all of you. I have slept and thought this TO DEATH and I'm done now. First let me say he is a great man. He's loved me through the alcoholism when absolutely no one else would. We have discussed it and he was understanding as usual. The only thing he asks of me is to stay sober and no cigarrettes. He said he'd rather I cheat on him than smoke or drink because cheating would only hurt him. The other hurts me and he simply can't bear that. I do realize how fortunate I am because neither of us is perfect - - far from it; however, we are perfect for each other. I do know he would never ask me to do anything which would hurt me emothionally or physically. I simply got my feelings hurt, and realize that I just have to shake it off. No harm no foul and tenaciously clinging to negative thoughts is like holding onto a flaming ball of fire. By refusing to let go I'll only burn myself. Thanks again everyone! Life's not bad enough yet to swim in a bottle filled with alcohol or self pity. You guys have a great day!

Live

This is my opinion only. I consider the intimacy and sexuality between my husband and I sacred, sanctified and innocent.
I will not allow anything to demean or degrade that.
I let it be known beforehand my feelings about porn when we were dating...I told him he could have me or all of them. I meant it.

Some people are far more liberal but I won't tolerate it.

Live

oops double post....just goes to prove the diversity amongst people and marriages.

Joi

Live-
Thanks. Don't get me wrong. i want no part of that crap because I can't wrap my mind around pornography. It just seems stupid to me. Just plain stupid. It reduces humans to dog-like tendencies. Animals act on instinct. Humans reason. Porn, to me, reduces humans to stupid beasts. Then again, what works for me doesn't necessarily apply to anyone else. It's good that we all differ.