what made you finally stop???
Fool To Do Your Dirty Work
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Greenflower Street
Posts: 362
what made you finally stop???
Hi all -
I usually post on the Family and Friends thread, but would like very much to ask a question to those of you who are recovering/recovered if that is OK.
What was your bottom? What made you finally make the decision to choose yourself and life over booze?
Thanks to those who care to share - and blessings to all of you.
I usually post on the Family and Friends thread, but would like very much to ask a question to those of you who are recovering/recovered if that is OK.
What was your bottom? What made you finally make the decision to choose yourself and life over booze?
Thanks to those who care to share - and blessings to all of you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 239
i wanted to stop for over a year. i knew i drank way to much, my drinking was far from normal, i could not imagine a day going by that didn't have alcohol in it, and i just kept getting worse. i got to the point where i would not attend a function if i couldn't drink, and then i wouldn't attend because i'd have to get myself home. i drove many times with my precious little girl in the car while drunk, or on my way to being so. (i got to the point where i couldn't leave the house without a drink first, and then i'd often take one with).
the last two or three months of my drinking i'd find myself praying when my head would hit the pillow for God to help me. last sept/oct, a new teacher came to our building. we got to know each other a little and he told me he was a recovering alcoholic (i'd asked him if he'd like to join a group of us after school for some drinks). i remember thinking "i want to know about this a.a" i had tried it before, but then the folks a the meeting i went to were nothing like this guy appeared to be.
we started to date, and i never mentioned i had a problem with my drinking. i was good at appearing really normal and together... well, sort of. when our relationship progressed and he told me he loved me, i did what i always do... i worked hard to give him reasons why he shouldn't. he dumped me then, and i confessed that i had a real problem with alcohol. i couldn't say that i was an alcoholic. i can now. but then every time i'd say it it felt like i was being punched in the gut.
not sure what my "bottom" was/is. i know that emotionally i was a real mess, and had been long before i ever picked up a drink.
well, bf and i started to date about a month into my recovery, and i still had/have all the fear, the mountains of insecurity, and he dumped me again.
so i don't have the bf, but i'm still sober. i worried while i was with him if i was doing the sober thing for me or for him. i know its for me now. i know i will die someday, but i sure as hell won't go stepping out in front of a bus to make it happen sooner.
i say i'm not sure what my bottom is, but i think its that i came to a very stark realization that i do not, and have never that i can remember, form close intimate relationships with people. i was sick of being lonely, sick of being sick, and could not fathom what my precious little girl would need to be told if i killed myself, if i could not hike mountains and go swimming with her, if i was just so messed up that nothing mattered more than that drink... and that is exactly where my life was heading.
thanks for asking... sorry this is so long
gg
the last two or three months of my drinking i'd find myself praying when my head would hit the pillow for God to help me. last sept/oct, a new teacher came to our building. we got to know each other a little and he told me he was a recovering alcoholic (i'd asked him if he'd like to join a group of us after school for some drinks). i remember thinking "i want to know about this a.a" i had tried it before, but then the folks a the meeting i went to were nothing like this guy appeared to be.
we started to date, and i never mentioned i had a problem with my drinking. i was good at appearing really normal and together... well, sort of. when our relationship progressed and he told me he loved me, i did what i always do... i worked hard to give him reasons why he shouldn't. he dumped me then, and i confessed that i had a real problem with alcohol. i couldn't say that i was an alcoholic. i can now. but then every time i'd say it it felt like i was being punched in the gut.
not sure what my "bottom" was/is. i know that emotionally i was a real mess, and had been long before i ever picked up a drink.
well, bf and i started to date about a month into my recovery, and i still had/have all the fear, the mountains of insecurity, and he dumped me again.
so i don't have the bf, but i'm still sober. i worried while i was with him if i was doing the sober thing for me or for him. i know its for me now. i know i will die someday, but i sure as hell won't go stepping out in front of a bus to make it happen sooner.
i say i'm not sure what my bottom is, but i think its that i came to a very stark realization that i do not, and have never that i can remember, form close intimate relationships with people. i was sick of being lonely, sick of being sick, and could not fathom what my precious little girl would need to be told if i killed myself, if i could not hike mountains and go swimming with her, if i was just so messed up that nothing mattered more than that drink... and that is exactly where my life was heading.
thanks for asking... sorry this is so long
gg
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 72
Originally Posted by CarolD 
Depression....
I was losing my sanity because of alcoholic depression.
I was losing my sanity because of alcoholic depression.
Just curious...does it trigger depression only while drunk/withdrawing? I always seemed to get REALLY bad the next day (usually a Mon).
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Originally Posted by GretaG
Wow. There's a term for it. I HATE that feeling. So intense.
Just curious...does it trigger depression only while drunk/withdrawing? I always seemed to get REALLY bad the next day (usually a Mon).
Just curious...does it trigger depression only while drunk/withdrawing? I always seemed to get REALLY bad the next day (usually a Mon).
According to the folks who used to take my crying phone calls in the midst of a blackout, no.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 183
I started noticing I could not control how much I drank, no matter what kind of limits I tried to place on myself. I blacked out after every night of drinking for the last year before I stopped and that scared the sh*t out of me. I've been battling depression for years now and finally realized that drinking was just making things so much worse, when I stopped I realized what a difference there was and decided I can't do that anymore. If I kept drinking, or start again, I would be surprised if I ended up killing myself. I can't let myself do that.
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
It was waking up sunday morning in a cheap motel room far from home, on the bathroom floor, in a pool of my own vomit and realizing that I was losing everything I held dear.
It was the feeling that if a door existed somewhere in the universe that could have erased all traces of my existence, I would have gladly walked through it.
It was the feeling that if a door existed somewhere in the universe that could have erased all traces of my existence, I would have gladly walked through it.
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
I tried to die and survived, I drank again. I went to jail, I drank again. At the end the only thing I was good at was drinking and I wasn't even very good at that anymore.
For me it wasn't an event, or a trip to jail, I didn't get thrown out of my house.
I simply had had enough and I finally surrendered.
I got sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Ted
God willing I'l have six months sober in a week. This is the longest I have been clean and sober in 12 years.
For me it wasn't an event, or a trip to jail, I didn't get thrown out of my house.
I simply had had enough and I finally surrendered.
I got sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Ted
God willing I'l have six months sober in a week. This is the longest I have been clean and sober in 12 years.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 24
Being constantly hungover and in a fog, being depressed when drinking and anxious when not drinking, half-a**ing everything in my life because I was too focused on the next drink, waking up every morning to see a desk completely covered in beer bottles and lugging that heavy, jangly trash bag out... but most importantly, the huge amount of dumb things I did/said when drinking had piled up to a point in my head that I couldn't take it anymore. I just didn't have room in my head for any more regret!!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Well lets see, I had reached the point where my whole life revolved around drinking, I drank for the second I got off of work (even drank at work a few times) until my wife got home which was 5 hours at least after I got off work and then would sneak every one I could until bed time. I had been trying on my own for 10 years to moderate or quit and failed every time, I was at the point where I had to drink, there was no choice, I had to drink every day.
At this point I was miserable, I did nothing with my family any more and the only thing I did was drink, I hated myself because I kept trying to stop and could not! I finally was sitting in my garage drinking and surrendered to alcohol, I was not going to fight my need to drink any more, I was going to drink and not fight it any more. It actually felt good to surrender to drinking.
Well a few weeks later my wife told me that her and the kids were moving out in a month because no one could stand my drinking and she was not going to let me destroy our kids lifes and let them watch me drink my self to death!
I went out to the garage and popped open another beer and thought to my self "Cool, now I can drink all I want and no one is going to be griping at me. For some reason I saw my future in fast forward as I sat in my garage drinking. I saw that with them gone I had no one left to support my drinking, no one to pay the bills (I made the money but never paid the bills), no one to take care of the house, no one to make sure I got to bed at night, wash clothes, etc. I saw myself passing out on the sofa and not waking up to go to work, resulting in me losing my job, then losing my house, then my truck!
All I was going to have left was my bottle and all I would do was drink myself to death! I was scared! I knew I was going to die if I kept on drinking. I went into the house and set up an appointment with my insurance companies drug & alcohol people, I was honest with the doctor and he told me I needed to go into detox. I went through detox and they told me if I wanted a chance to stay sober to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.
Well I did as I was told, in three days I will be sober for 8 months and I am happier then I have been in over 30 years and a much better person thanks to AA, the 12 steps, my HP, and my sponsor.
At this point I was miserable, I did nothing with my family any more and the only thing I did was drink, I hated myself because I kept trying to stop and could not! I finally was sitting in my garage drinking and surrendered to alcohol, I was not going to fight my need to drink any more, I was going to drink and not fight it any more. It actually felt good to surrender to drinking.
Well a few weeks later my wife told me that her and the kids were moving out in a month because no one could stand my drinking and she was not going to let me destroy our kids lifes and let them watch me drink my self to death!
I went out to the garage and popped open another beer and thought to my self "Cool, now I can drink all I want and no one is going to be griping at me. For some reason I saw my future in fast forward as I sat in my garage drinking. I saw that with them gone I had no one left to support my drinking, no one to pay the bills (I made the money but never paid the bills), no one to take care of the house, no one to make sure I got to bed at night, wash clothes, etc. I saw myself passing out on the sofa and not waking up to go to work, resulting in me losing my job, then losing my house, then my truck!
All I was going to have left was my bottle and all I would do was drink myself to death! I was scared! I knew I was going to die if I kept on drinking. I went into the house and set up an appointment with my insurance companies drug & alcohol people, I was honest with the doctor and he told me I needed to go into detox. I went through detox and they told me if I wanted a chance to stay sober to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.
Well I did as I was told, in three days I will be sober for 8 months and I am happier then I have been in over 30 years and a much better person thanks to AA, the 12 steps, my HP, and my sponsor.
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Why?
Well, just like everyone else here, I was losing my grasp on anything that was good in my life. I was divorced from my husband of 12 years thinking that "we just can't get along" when the truth was that my drinking was a huge factor in what was making he and I miserable. I didn't spend time with my kids...I was either out drinking, drinking at home, or sleeping off my hangover. My best friend was arrested for DWI while I was out with her...my gf of four years met someone else and had enough of my zero commitment to her..I was gaining a well deserved reputation for being "the party girl" and all the bad choices that entails. I lost dear friends cause all I did was drink and I wasn't there for them in any shape or form..I was late to work, hung over at work, making mistakes at work...I had a stack of bills on my desk that weren't getting paid but damn I sure had enough cash for beer and wine! I woke up one day and realized that I would die the same death that my mother died of at 57..liver failure..if I kept it up..
Like someone else said, just got sick and tired of being sick and tired.
It's funny, but lately I've been realizing that I don't have the ever-present feeling of impending doom when I wake up first thing in the morning! That, in itself, is worth not picking up that first drink!
K
Like someone else said, just got sick and tired of being sick and tired.
It's funny, but lately I've been realizing that I don't have the ever-present feeling of impending doom when I wake up first thing in the morning! That, in itself, is worth not picking up that first drink!
K
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 4
My reason has only just come about - Yesterday.
The fear of loosing the girl that I Love and Adore more than life itself.
If anybody cares to read it's in my first ever thread on this site:
Thread No: 123602. - Entitled: Scared-Fear Of Lossing My Love.
Jay.
The fear of loosing the girl that I Love and Adore more than life itself.
If anybody cares to read it's in my first ever thread on this site:
Thread No: 123602. - Entitled: Scared-Fear Of Lossing My Love.
Jay.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by GretaG
Which forum, Scared? Or even better, and you copy the link here?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: chicago, IL
Posts: 93
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
I too was hiding alcohol; my husband would buy me a bottle of wine on the way home from work each night. When that was gone I would sneak to the vodka stash thinking I was so so clever.
When we would go out to dinner I would start my night with a glass or two of wine in the bath; then 3 or 4 martinis at dinner; only picking at the food; then home for more wine.
My husband decided one evening that I was done drinking after two martinis and hid my wine at home.
I left out he back gate without him knowing. Went with my A sister to her A friends house, and to make a long story short; I though my sisters front porch was my bed and decided to try to sleep out there in the buff. Quite surprised I was not arrested.
Other than that particular night. I blacked out atleast 3 times a week, calling people and not remembering. Falling down and hurting myself (fell on my knee 2 months ago and cracked my knee cap, which is still trying to heal).
I am an absolute idiot when I drink; I finally got sick and tired of it.
~Toomutch
__________
Angels have walked beside me
All my life--and they still do.
When we would go out to dinner I would start my night with a glass or two of wine in the bath; then 3 or 4 martinis at dinner; only picking at the food; then home for more wine.
My husband decided one evening that I was done drinking after two martinis and hid my wine at home.
I left out he back gate without him knowing. Went with my A sister to her A friends house, and to make a long story short; I though my sisters front porch was my bed and decided to try to sleep out there in the buff. Quite surprised I was not arrested.
Other than that particular night. I blacked out atleast 3 times a week, calling people and not remembering. Falling down and hurting myself (fell on my knee 2 months ago and cracked my knee cap, which is still trying to heal).
I am an absolute idiot when I drink; I finally got sick and tired of it.
~Toomutch
__________
Angels have walked beside me
All my life--and they still do.
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