New here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: chicago, IL
Posts: 93
New here
Hello,
I am new here even though I have been lurking for a few weeks. I have been sober for 18 weeks and 2 days as of today. I was shocked into sobriety after having a friend die suddenly from cirrhosis. It was a terrible thing. He like me was a closet drinker. Nobody knew. Along with the sadness with his situation was the guilt and over not only drinking but lying to my family and friends about my addiction. It is a very difficult situation and has shocked me to the point that I have stopped. I was a pint a day or so drinker for about 8-10 years and prior to that wine was the drink of choice. I would have a 2-4 glasses of wine to settle myself and help me get to sleep. Being an addictive person that naturally grew and when I realized I could make that all happen faster with the hard stuff it was a natural progression. I had it all timed out. Pick up a pint on the way home, drink a third of it as I pulled into the driveway, a third after dinner, and of course a third before bed. Sometimes this was not enough but most times it was adequate.
I am terrified at what I may have done to my body. I did not realize until my friend died how cirrhosis can sneak up on you and by the time you have it...well it is too late. Anyway I am here, sober and absolutly never going back. I have way to much to live for and now realize how good life can be without the drink. Funny thing is that this all started to help me relax and get to sleep, now without it I sleep like a baby. I guess I never realized that I was waking up tired, anxious, with heart palpatations because of the sauce. Thanks for hearing me out.
I am new here even though I have been lurking for a few weeks. I have been sober for 18 weeks and 2 days as of today. I was shocked into sobriety after having a friend die suddenly from cirrhosis. It was a terrible thing. He like me was a closet drinker. Nobody knew. Along with the sadness with his situation was the guilt and over not only drinking but lying to my family and friends about my addiction. It is a very difficult situation and has shocked me to the point that I have stopped. I was a pint a day or so drinker for about 8-10 years and prior to that wine was the drink of choice. I would have a 2-4 glasses of wine to settle myself and help me get to sleep. Being an addictive person that naturally grew and when I realized I could make that all happen faster with the hard stuff it was a natural progression. I had it all timed out. Pick up a pint on the way home, drink a third of it as I pulled into the driveway, a third after dinner, and of course a third before bed. Sometimes this was not enough but most times it was adequate.
I am terrified at what I may have done to my body. I did not realize until my friend died how cirrhosis can sneak up on you and by the time you have it...well it is too late. Anyway I am here, sober and absolutly never going back. I have way to much to live for and now realize how good life can be without the drink. Funny thing is that this all started to help me relax and get to sleep, now without it I sleep like a baby. I guess I never realized that I was waking up tired, anxious, with heart palpatations because of the sauce. Thanks for hearing me out.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome and Congratulations on your new life!
I suggest you have a medical check up and be
honest with your doctor That way you will have
peace with your physical shape.
I am sorry your friend lost to alcohol.
It's always so heartbreaking to have
people needlessly die from addiction.
If you have any questions...post them please.
I'm really glad you de-lurked!
I suggest you have a medical check up and be
honest with your doctor That way you will have
peace with your physical shape.
I am sorry your friend lost to alcohol.
It's always so heartbreaking to have
people needlessly die from addiction.
If you have any questions...post them please.
I'm really glad you de-lurked!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR and congrats on your length of sobriety. My condolences on your friend, he did not die in vain though, he brought you to a realization of your own problem. How did you quit?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: chicago, IL
Posts: 93
Thanks all for the kind words and support. Taz, you are correct that my friend did not die in vain...that is part of the problem. I have a lot of guilt about why him and not me. This I have to work through. I quit out of sheer terror and fear. I guess that in the back of my mind I always though there would be signs that I was in trouble and then I would quit. I have now learned that that is not always the case. This disease can sneak up on you and by the time physical symptoms show up it is often too late.
I have come to the realization that if I continue to drink I will end up down the same road. I cannot moderate... I have an addictive personality and I know there is no moderation for me.
I am under a cardios care for my heart palpitations. He orders regular blood tests. A couple of years ago I found out that my liver enzymes were elevated. I did a bit of research and found out that the drinking was most likely the problem. I stopped for a couple of months and the tests came back normal. So I figured I could fool the doc and myself by abstaining for a month or so before a blood test and this worked out.(smart guy huh?) I had and untrasound done on my gallbaldder and they looked at the liver and found in was fatty. That was in the latter part of 2004 and I had been on and off the wagon since then. After my friend died I did a bit more research and discovered that a fatty liver was a precourser to fibrossis and cirrhosis. That coupled with the death of my friend was my shock and awe... and my turning point. So tAz to answer your question, I quit on my own knowing that if I continued to drink I would die and knowing that there is no moderation for me. The first few weeks were tough but I got through it (as I have done in the past). The difference now is knowing what lies for me if I ever go back.
I have come to the realization that if I continue to drink I will end up down the same road. I cannot moderate... I have an addictive personality and I know there is no moderation for me.
I am under a cardios care for my heart palpitations. He orders regular blood tests. A couple of years ago I found out that my liver enzymes were elevated. I did a bit of research and found out that the drinking was most likely the problem. I stopped for a couple of months and the tests came back normal. So I figured I could fool the doc and myself by abstaining for a month or so before a blood test and this worked out.(smart guy huh?) I had and untrasound done on my gallbaldder and they looked at the liver and found in was fatty. That was in the latter part of 2004 and I had been on and off the wagon since then. After my friend died I did a bit more research and discovered that a fatty liver was a precourser to fibrossis and cirrhosis. That coupled with the death of my friend was my shock and awe... and my turning point. So tAz to answer your question, I quit on my own knowing that if I continued to drink I would die and knowing that there is no moderation for me. The first few weeks were tough but I got through it (as I have done in the past). The difference now is knowing what lies for me if I ever go back.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
Nice to meet you , Russelrb - I have a 22 year old daughter in early recovery. Her dad passed away of alcoholic liver disease this past summer. It's painful to lose folks that way, I understand. You set a great example for others and honor your friend with your sobriety. Congrats! Many AA meetings to choose from in Chicagoland. Do you go to AA?
Keep posting! Blessings, K
Keep posting! Blessings, K
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
When the shock and fear wear off...and they will
(look at your past for conformation)
it would be great to have F2F understanding and support.
And Yes...I use AA for mine!
(look at your past for conformation)it would be great to have F2F understanding and support.
And Yes...I use AA for mine!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Russel the shock and fear got you sober, but if you are an alcoholic like I am staying sober with just shock and fear as a motive is going to make life damn miserable.
I have found that drinking was but a symptom of my alcoholism, when I stopped drinking I still was living with all of the guilt, shame, self hatred, and self centeredness of alcoholism. If I had let all of that stew long enough I know darn well at a minimum I would be living a very miserable life and I am certain eventually I would have started drinking again.
In going to AA I have found a happiness and serenity in my life by working the 12 steps of AA and going to meetings that I never would have found if I had just white knuckled it.
I have gone to hundreds of AA meetings over the last 6 months and I can tell you for a fact that the word "Anonymous" in Alcoholics Anonymous is honored, there is not a single person where I live or work that has any idea I am in AA unless they are in AA them selfs or I have told them I am in AA.
I have no shame in being an alcoholic, it is a disease which I did not decide I wanted, but I was born with it.
Do not get me wrong AA is not the only way to stay sober, it is what has worked for me very well, but it is an excellent idea to get some type of help in dealing with the other issues related to alcoholism other then just the drinking portion.
I have found that drinking was but a symptom of my alcoholism, when I stopped drinking I still was living with all of the guilt, shame, self hatred, and self centeredness of alcoholism. If I had let all of that stew long enough I know darn well at a minimum I would be living a very miserable life and I am certain eventually I would have started drinking again.
In going to AA I have found a happiness and serenity in my life by working the 12 steps of AA and going to meetings that I never would have found if I had just white knuckled it.
I have gone to hundreds of AA meetings over the last 6 months and I can tell you for a fact that the word "Anonymous" in Alcoholics Anonymous is honored, there is not a single person where I live or work that has any idea I am in AA unless they are in AA them selfs or I have told them I am in AA.
I have no shame in being an alcoholic, it is a disease which I did not decide I wanted, but I was born with it.
Do not get me wrong AA is not the only way to stay sober, it is what has worked for me very well, but it is an excellent idea to get some type of help in dealing with the other issues related to alcoholism other then just the drinking portion.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: chicago, IL
Posts: 93
Carol and Taz,
Thank you for your kind words, advise and support. Carol I know I have been there before, but I feel the difference now is that I know the facts. I just can't go to that place anymore, there are no more second chances. I have had no disire, second thoughts, or temptations. If I do need support I will seek it out. You and others who have commented have already help me with my perspective. I have never thought of it as honoring my friend by quitting, rather I have always felt guilty about my past.
Taz you may be right about the emotional help as well as the addictive help. I have been giving thanks and praying for peace. It has helped but there is more to go. I heard a great sermon the other day in which the pastor talked about how we see ourselves vs. how God sees us. We see ourselves as what we have been or what we want to be. Thus we are on a rollercoaster of our past sins and trying to cope with the future. God sees us as we are now. The man God sees is the one who is typing this. I am weak, remorseful, scared, but sober. I pray the the Lord will complete his work in me.
Thanks again for the advise. It is not falling on deaf ears and is greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your kind words, advise and support. Carol I know I have been there before, but I feel the difference now is that I know the facts. I just can't go to that place anymore, there are no more second chances. I have had no disire, second thoughts, or temptations. If I do need support I will seek it out. You and others who have commented have already help me with my perspective. I have never thought of it as honoring my friend by quitting, rather I have always felt guilty about my past.
Taz you may be right about the emotional help as well as the addictive help. I have been giving thanks and praying for peace. It has helped but there is more to go. I heard a great sermon the other day in which the pastor talked about how we see ourselves vs. how God sees us. We see ourselves as what we have been or what we want to be. Thus we are on a rollercoaster of our past sins and trying to cope with the future. God sees us as we are now. The man God sees is the one who is typing this. I am weak, remorseful, scared, but sober. I pray the the Lord will complete his work in me.
Thanks again for the advise. It is not falling on deaf ears and is greatly appreciated.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
We see ourselves as what we have been or what we want to be. Thus we are on a rollercoaster of our past sins and trying to cope with the future. God sees us as we are now.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Welcome Russell!
If not going to AA, I'm so glad you have the community and spiritual support of church. Do you find that you feel uplifted after going to church? That is how I feel after an AA meeting (most of the time anyways..lol). Magical stuff happens in those rooms...you find a place where you actually feel like you belong. Your stories and pain echoes that of the others there with ya. People say things that could've come right out of your head and history. Meetings get you out of your head ...as you listen to the human struggle of others that you can sooooooo understand and relate with. It is a brother/sisterhood of healing and friendship. It also fills the time that you used to spend drinking.
If not going to AA, I'm so glad you have the community and spiritual support of church. Do you find that you feel uplifted after going to church? That is how I feel after an AA meeting (most of the time anyways..lol). Magical stuff happens in those rooms...you find a place where you actually feel like you belong. Your stories and pain echoes that of the others there with ya. People say things that could've come right out of your head and history. Meetings get you out of your head ...as you listen to the human struggle of others that you can sooooooo understand and relate with. It is a brother/sisterhood of healing and friendship. It also fills the time that you used to spend drinking.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Welcome to our community, Russel!
Your story has helped me re-affirm my desire to stay sober. I hope you keep posting on SR. People like us can help each other stay sober by sharing our experiences, strength and hope.
I hope we'll *see* lots of you around here!
chip
Your story has helped me re-affirm my desire to stay sober. I hope you keep posting on SR. People like us can help each other stay sober by sharing our experiences, strength and hope.
I hope we'll *see* lots of you around here!
chip
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