cyberwolf

Got up feeling ok (still sleeping fine) had my propanolol and 1 valium as suggested by doc to control anxiety, got in the car felt very surreal, don't really remember the drive to work, parked in the multisory cxar park and sat in the car for a good 5 minutes feeling very edgy and sick arguing with myself about whether to go into work or not. Eventually persuaded myself, walked upi the road to office feeling VERY shaky and sick got in switched PC omn and burst into tears and I mean tears someone would think I had just been given the worst news in the world. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed some more so much so that I couldn't even speak to my 1st client (who incidebntally commented (when my colleague went to see him) he was sorry to hear I was unwell as I was normally such a happy person - tears of a clown eh!!)

Eventually took a long glass of water and some calms (valerian based tabs) which I have read mixed reports about mixing with valium but heyy I couldnt speak or see or stop snivelling uncontrollably. Eventually calmed down a, a good 20 minutes after my out burst. Sat staring at PC till 12 getting nothing done and feeling terrible. Had another valium (as directed on packet) at 12 noon and then decided I could do more work and here I am at home feeling REALL REALLY stupid, Really anxious about work on Monday (yes 3 days away!!) and very embarrased. Sometimes a drink seems like the best option. This is SO hard.
Got docs at 4.20 so he can assess how ned helping my anxiety!! (that statement almost made me laugh - I Fell totally SH**E

What a complete messed up mess I am!!!

Sorry to rant self obsessively

Tazman53

Wow sounds like one hell of a day, make sure you lay all that out for the doc to know, make sure the doc knows exactly what meds you took and when also, sounds like something needs to be adjusted.

Please keep in mind that the last thing you need if you want to stay away from real hell is a drink.

Hopefully with a few meetings and the doc doing something for you Monday will be better, but really for now just stick with today, no need even thinking about Monday.

parentrecovers

hugs, cyber. it's a tough disease, but you can do it - you can have recovery. blessings, k

stone

Hi cyberwolf,

I am not a doctor so please take this with a pinch of salt, but...

I have been prescribed valium before and it made me VERY anxious, I attend rehab and one of the nurses (who gives the talks) said that valium in low doses can actually make anxiety worse. It certainly did for me. Personally I think benzo's have a place in detoxing but other than that they are just bad news.

Rant over! Sorry for that. It is a bugbear of mine.

You are not a complete mess up, you sound pretty together to me.

cyberwolf

The valium helps like 10 minutes afte I chew it (its 5mg) doc suggested chewing raher than swallowing whole as acts faster, however it wears off pretty darn quick leaving me feeling so much worse. Will try to tell him all this when I see him. I just feel mad!!

stone

Same here, they worked for like 10 mins and then made me feel worse. Like I had 10 mins of good effect and then hours of them wearing off! They work better in higher doses but then you will have another addiction to contend with.

Toomutch

Cyberwolf, I am sorry to her about your extremely difficult day... I hope it will ease up on you a bit. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Keep your chin up; you have a lot of support.


"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
~Winston Churchill

Anna

I have heard that comment about Valium from others here so I guess it makes you wonder if it's a good idea or not. That is something to bring up with your dr today. Let us know how you make out.

Sugah

It's been awhile since I've dealt with the early-on emotions of sobriety, but I find that at certain times, they can return. Like the past few days. I've been (put myself) under an incredible amount of stress, and as most of the concrete situations (finals, track season with kids, a bunch of events, conferences, papers, projects) are being resolved, any little thing has me in tears. Most of the time, I can't put my finger on what it is...just some random attack of melancholy.

Here's where I'm in better shape now than when I first got sober: I have a few "tricks" to short-circuit those feelings. The first thing I do is accept that an emotion is an emotion, and most of them aren't good or bad. They just are. Okay, check. Second thing I do is to say a little prayer, "God/Allah/BillyBob, please take care of me." All that 11th step work on prayer and meditation provides, if I'm willing, an instant source of comfort. The third thing I do is to find something to be grateful for. Doesn't have to be much. "Well, at least I have tissues to blow my nose when I'm done crying. Don't have to use my sleeve!" Sometimes, my sources of gratitude provide a chuckle, and that's enough to break the mood.

I have no idea what effect the medication might have on the way you're feeling. I do know that, for me, at least, that kind of non-specific emotional upheaval was normal -- and still is once in awhile. If you consider it a process, one that has a lot of different stages and let yourself know that this stage will give way to a new one....kind of like how a wound gets itchy when it's healing...it might be easier to accept it for what it is.

((cyberwolf))

Peace & Love,
Sugah

CarolD

Ask your doctor about this too...

http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm

Hugs

paulmh

Sugah, you're always good for an inspirational post - lovely to see you!

Cyberwolf, man what a ****** day. Get through it without a drink. Get to a meeting, if you're doing it the AA way. If you're not doing it the AA way, just get through today. Let Monday take care of itself.

One foot in front of the other!

cyberwolf

Thanks guys Sugah, the bit about being grateful for a sleeve made me laugh, thank you! Carol excellent article - I am NOT going mad a bit like Sugah said the wound is just getting itchy because it is healing.

Well back from the docs, he has said he feels I should continue with the inderal and valium for at least another two weeks, but he stressed he does not want me to take the valium long term (which I guess is good) he says the dosage and the number of tabs he has prescribed would make it very difficult for me to become addicted to thenm and they might just take the edge of potentially explosive situations. ANd if I want to take 2 Inderal a day. He also gave me a script for paroxetine (which I am a bit scared about!!! - he explained all the bad side effects and wants me to phone him if I start to feel any of the bad stuff , but he did say that within 2 to 3 weeks if they work for me I will really notice a difference.

He asked me loads of questions about holidays the weekend family work etc and said I am not depressed just suffering from acute anxiety. He also gave me a prescription for a book - yes a prescription for a book!!! - didnt know this was possible. I have to take it to a local library and they will make sure I get a suitable book about controlling anxiety - and it won't cost me £10+!!! Anyone any ideas of good reads.

I had 10 minutes in the waiting room of sweaty palms, feeling sick heart racing wanting to get up and leave and when I went into surgery a few tears then I started to calm down. As i said to doc WHY?/ He's not scary, he's really patient and he explains stuff - could do a lot worse in the dooc stakes. I only hope we can get this under control.

Thanks to all you guys for listening it really helps me ( a bit tearful here again!!) no, seriously thanks for sharing and thanks for caring You are a great bunch

TINLIZZY

Hi Cyber -

I'm glad you saw your doc and got a thumbs up on your meds. My anxiety has almost gone away without the alcohol, so I have no point of reference. I do know that when I was suffering from anxiety and even a few panic attacks, it was debilitating.

Hang in there and keep posting instead of drinking!!

TinLizzy