Iwanttobe1

Hi Scott,

I am new to recovery and AA. I have a sponsor and we are reading the Big Book together. We haven't gotten too far yet, just the introduction has precipitated many conversations between us.

One of the most powerful discussions we had was on Easter about what her minister's sermon was about. He talked about the death of Jesus Christ on the friday before Easter. He discussed the sadness and hoplelessness his friends and family had felt on that sorrow filled day. But then on sunday, he was raised from the dead and there was again joy in their hearts. That's the kind of miracle only God can provide for us. When I am down, my sponsor constantly reminds me that "it might be friday... but sunday's coming!

I have my ups and downs. But, when I see what God can do, I have to be hopeful. I have to put my life in his hands. I know he can heal all wounds. I have to realize that there are very few things in this world I can change. But I can change the way I feel about them.

So hang in there and find the support you need. And keep your eye on the prize. Because "sunday's coming".

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Carol

SaTiT

Maybe it's okay to hurt, be confuse or sad.
I know even if i made a chioce of steping away
from a relationship it's going to hurt. A break up is a break up.
When I get involve in a relationship, it's not easy come, easy
go. Most people, even normal people reach out for help
in these times when their arss is falling off.

A lot of my depression or me not being okay was my
perception of me not allowing myself to be human.
Yes I'm alki, but I'm human first.

I can't proceed the future, I have hope and dreams
like everyone. But life on life's term sucks sometimes.
Acceptence is a sob sometimes. But the sooner I face
my pain and embrace it, the sooner I'll get through it.
Face everything and recover. it's not even a set back
or that I did something wrong. If i'm guilty of love,
so be it..I'll do it again and again. The same as I would
keep coming back to AA again and again. I'll get right
once of these days..until then I'm not beating up on
myself no matter what.

Tazman53

First thing Astro, I have already said a prayer for you.

Funny how when one needs to hear something it just seems to pop up, I needed to hear everything that has been shared here in this thread. I was in a funk last night, why I don't know, just something about the way I was feeling... or not feeling.

You know Astro for so many years we (alkies) have addressed our feelings by self medicating that once we sober up we start experiencing feelings and emotions we were not aware existed before. Ending a relationship is going to be depressing for everyone, alkie or not, but for normal folks they have felt that depression and they tend to know that it will pass, we do not really know that it will every time.

If this is really getting to you a therapist or shrink may be just the ticket, meetings and talking with your sponsor sure will not hurt. Bill W. & Dr. Bob knew that the steps were not a cure all, that there were folks that needed additional outside help to overcome certain issues that were in reality outside of alcoholism but had been masked by alcoholism.

You know I hear this from time to time on this board, and have heard it addressed in the rooms in my area several times. Obviously there are parts of the country where there may be some OLD old timers that feel that way otherwise it would never be brought up, but in my area in AA I have yet to hear a single person say that prescribed medications are in any way unacceptable, I have heard exactly the opposite, I have heard old timers say many times that if a doctor prescribes it one should be taking it as long as they are taking it as prescibed.

Astro I have to use that old cliche "This to shall pass", it may not pass until you see a shrink or therapist and may involve medication, but it shall pass. Just keep in mind that even normal people get depressed for a while after the break up of a relationship.

parentrecovers

how are you today, astro?

wozzek

It was a full moon yesterday also. NO, I am not trying to be funny... but let me share something with you. A love of my life is going to die of a liver cancer very soon but I am not able to see her (she lives abroad and I am homeless with no job). I have no friends. I have no children.

Just yesterday I tried to get a job at Wendy's (I earned my Ph.D. in some other country a century ago, but hey, it is not something I am ashamed of) following that romantic notion I read here on SR of flipping burgers. I am a big guy with heavy accent and stupid look so I can pass as an immigrant in a search for his American Dream i.e. an ideal candidate to be explored at a fast food joint.

To cut a long story short - no, we cannot help you. No previous experience. I used a quote from "American Beauty" (in regard advanced technology used there), trying to charm the guy, but nothing, no thank you. I was hungry. I told him that they have a post "help wanted" on the door and that I am the only one here. He said "... honestly you do not look like someone..." - the line I've heard so many times so far. I begged him. Nope. And then, for the first time in my life I told him I had nothing to eat for a while and that I need some food. I begged for a food and he showed me the door...

Then I broke. I lost it and I told him that the ONLY thing that I need in my life is to earn a few bucks to go and see her, yes, to see my dying love and that I am ready to work for 16 hours a day for a half of wages. Mind you, I am a calm guy used to crisis so all this was done with a smile, yes, a sad smile but still. And I do not look like a bum, not yet. Insane maybe However, I was getting on this guy's nerves and he cut me short stating that "we all have problems."

So the humiliation was complete. I brought it to myself and would have something to cheerish in years to come so from now on am like Scarlett O'Hara: As God is my witness, I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again..

What is the moral of this boring story?

I am not trying to start a bidding war like in - my pain, starving childern's pain in Africa, my loss, 9/11 losses... - are issues bigger than yours. What I am trying to convey is that one should focus to what one has and not to what one has lost.

After all, it was a full moon yesterday so perhaps you two would end up toghether again. You are so smart and seemingly good man; you'd find a way to feel better. Good luck.

BigSis

Astro.... thinking about ya. ((hugs))








(((Wozzek)))) Thank you for your post....prayers going up.

Astro

My God, thank you all to everyone who took the time to share with me. Taz, you have a great understanding of the program and I needed the words of wisdom. (((wozzek))) I'm praying for you and know that my issues are very small, and I'm grateful for the beautiful life that I do have. Last night a dear friends grandmother passed away peacefully. She was such a great lady, I'm so happy I had the chance to meet her last summer. For today I can think of how much my friend will miss Nanny, and be thankful that I've come to know them both.

This morning I woke up early, shaking and fearful. I feel like a good cry would help, but the tears won't come out. Still reaching out like crazy, and remembering that God never gives me more than I can handle, so maybe the answer will be revealed soon.

On the subject of meds again, my second sponsor was opposed to my use of SRI's, and fired me for being too emotional. So I found the sponsor I have today, someone I'm blessed to know. I really appreciate the words of support from everyone who's commented on this.

Scott

parentrecovers

good to see you back this morn, astro. sorry for you and your friend's loss - it's hard to say good bye to the great ones. keep reaching out - there's many folks thinking about you. blessings, k

stone

Hi Scott, I am thinking of you. Am I out of order in suggesting you go back on the SSRI's? There is depression caused by circumstances and there is depression caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain that has nothing to do with situation. You may well have the latter and simply put, SSRI's work for that kind of depression.

I empathise with your pain Scott as I have been there and I know how awful it feels.
Here is a 'manly' hug!

Tazman53

Thanks, I was beginning to think folks like that in AA today were a sort of urban myth!

Some of us are sicker then others and some of us are not really sponsoring by the BB, but instead by the seat of their pants. I wish I had my annotated BB at work, I could give you something to show to your old sponsor, who knows he may just learn something. Medicine is mentioned in a positive way used properly in the BB.

We need to remain teachable no matter how may years we have been in the program or how many times we have worked the steps, I have heard many old timers say that when one is no longer teachable they are headed towards their next drink.

Astro

Thank you, stone. I was reading your thread about Emotions All Over The Place and thinking about how I should be wearing a t-shirt that says that. I think everyone on SR can say that they know how this feels, we've all been there or still go there.

I'm having that feeling of "There I was walking down the street when all of a sudden my brain attacked me". So many circumstances to consider.

I'll take all the hugs I can get, even the manly ones!

Tazman53

Stone your not drinking again are you? LOL JK!!!!

Tazman53

Astro I darn near spit coffee all over the screen, that statement is me so strongly some times it made me laugh!!!!

Astro

No myths, Taz. I found out later on that sponsor was using marijuana as part of his program. Yes, some are sicker than others.

stone

Hi again Scott, how did you get on with the SSRI's last time, did they help?

Taz, I have read that part of the BB too! No way could someone be against SSRI's and base it on what the BB has to say! They don't get you 'stoned' or anything like benzo's or whatever, maybe Prozac does a little so I would avoid that and go for Citalopram or Venlafaxine which seems to be best for anxiety, these are of course my own opinions based on talking to my doctor and other people!

Ho ho btw you cheeky monkey Taz!

Tazman53

Stone everyone is different when it comes to meds, my wife has been on prozac for years (Thank God!)! With her she says all it does is make the lows not as low and the highs not as high. She said (And I know!) that before prozac it was like her emotions were a roller coaster ride.

Astro is the old sponsor still in the program and picking up chips?

Astro

Stone, Taz gave a good description of what EffexorXR did for me, it just smoothed out the emotions. Honestly, I tapered off almost a year ago and I've felt wonderful up until now which leads me to believe this might be caused by too much hitting me at once.

Yes Taz, I still see him at meetings every once in awhile. No regrets about choosing him, I believe he was put in my life for a reason.

Tazman53

My first sponsor as well, the only reason I changed sponsors was because he really did not have time to work with me on the steps, he did help me a lot in staying sober those first three months.

I really beleive that everyone in the rooms is there for some reason other then just themselves. Something they share may help me or someone else, or it may very well be that the way they are is not what I want and they actually teach me how not to be.

Missymae737

Hi Scott,

Thinking of you...


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...1&d=1178217767

stone

How are you doing today Scott, I loved your post on love.