MySecret

Has anyone read his book about quitting alcohol? He doesnt believe that A are powerless to alcohol, he doesnt think AA is a bad thing but he doesnt seem to agree with all the 12 steps now I was going to give this to my AH whos in early recovery but I decided not to as I dont want to give him another reason to not go or to talk himself out of it, I dont think hes ready for this book. And I think AA is what he needs at the moment and I am inclined to not shut myself of to anything at this point and am of the thinking if AA works for those who are sober for long periods then there is no harm, what ever works for them basically! But I can see his point but maybe thats because im not an addict, do I make sense?

Dee74

I knew he had a quitting smoking book...didn't know he had an alcohol one...

thanks Jen !

D

laurie6781

Ok Jen, I know you care very much, but now it time to work on your 'codie side'. you say your AH is in 'early recovery', please let him be.

Now is the time for you to focus on YOU, got to your alanon meetings and work you ow program. Later, WAY LATER, down the road, when and if you notice he is reading other literature you might leave that book lying around the house somewhere.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

MySecret

yes that is what I mean, I read a few pages and I just thought this isnt for him YET I dont want to confuse him....but im going to read it for myself as it might help me!! and someone told me about the smoking one once and it was werid how this book came to me, funny how things come back round...
I got him a book about the 10 secrets you need to know for success and inner peice, its truely fabulous, its a christian book I think and it basically backs up The Secret book, so im going to leave that lying in the toliet as he does most his reading in there.

x

Tazman53

Laurie is a wise one!!! In early recovery I was confused enough as it was, I had a hard enough time focusing on the BB, the 12X12 another AA book was beyod my grasp, kind of confused the issue.

Lauries advise is excellent. Think about it, if you had a probel and you were seeking a solution and one book told you to do it this way, another book said No, No, do it this way, then you went out for clarification and bought a 3rd book and it said No, our way is the best way, would that not confuse you as to what the answer to your problem is?

MySecret

totally!!! he cant see the answers and I can so im not going to confuse the issue for him...thanks!
he has just been givien a book from a AA friend about how to stay sober once you get of the booze which is what he was struggling with. He has also read under the influence and beyond the influence, so that is quite alot.

Tazman53

Jen read the BB, the vast majority of folks who are not alcoholics do not get it! My wife just stratches her head, she does not get it!

The reason we alcoholics understand the BB (Once we stay sober for a while) is because it was written by alcoholics to alcoholics.

One of the main reasons AA works is because it is one alcoholic working with another alcoholic, we speak the same language and know exactly what some one is feeling when they say their arse is on fire for a drink!

MySecret

what is the BB?
ohyeah I have come to see this now to, he spoke to this goy who might become his sponser if he wants him to and it was the first time he had spoken to another A on the phone to ask for help and he said it was brilliant, he didnt ask him questions that I ask he knew where he was coming from and I dont and I have realised that.
thanks x

Tazman53

Jen I have to say, it sounds as though your AH is working it, this is a good thing, the worst thing you could do right now is to discourage him from going to a meeting or talking on the phone to AA folks.

My wife did that one time.... about 30 minutes later she put her arms around me, smiled and said she was sorry for griping, that she prefered seeing me half the amount of time she used to sober then as much as she did before drunk! I have over 7 months sober and now have cut back to 4 meetings a week minimum, but I go to extras when the urge hits me.

MySecret

yeah exactly!! thats why I just thought Im not giving him this book or leaving it lying about but ill read it for me...I have tried and tried to get him to go to AA but th emore I say it the more he back away and I see that now, so im leavng it in his hands, and if he tells me hes gone I will say how pleased I am and leave it at that.

MySecret

what is BB tho Tazman?

MySecret

and thanks
x

Tazman53

In AA we call the Book "Alcoholics Anonymous" The Big Book aka BB.

MySecret

oh I see! so is it a good idea for friends and family to read it to?

if so where can I get a copy?xx

Tazman53

Jen if you go to Alanon I am sure they can put you on to one, or almost every AA meeting has them as well as Amazon.

MySecret

Thank you Tazman!

Dee74

Several posters have also put me on to the Big Book (BB) online, Jen:
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/

hope this helps
D

TINLIZZY

Hi Jen -

I agree with everything said here!!

I'm an alocoholic with 28 days sober. For your edification, Alan Carr's book is interesting and totally different from the AA methodology. He tries to "guilt/logic" you out of drinking. While not for me (I much prefer AA), he does make many good points.

It sounds like your husband is on the right track!!

TinLizzy

MySecret

yeah I agree with him and I like that he doesnt poo poo AA, he says its a good thing but I think he isnt an alcholic and that is the key - I am not an alcholic so what ever works for the alcholic at the end of the day, I think later in recovery some may be able to understand where he is coming from once got a grip on the addiction.

Tazman53

Jen on the bolded portion of the above I think we will need to agree to disagree. LOL

We alcoholics tend to think quite differently for normal people, my wife stratches her head at some of the things we find outragiously funny and this same humor is common to every recovering alcoholic whether they have 90 days sober or over 20 years sober. Even after going through all 12 of AA's steps we may appear if we are working a good program to be just like most other folks, but the reason we need to continue to work the steps our entire lifes is because our thought processes are alcoholic and not normal, not only do we have to learn how to live sober, we have to remain teachable and ever vigilante of what goes on inside our heads.

I have yet to know an alcoholic who did not know what I was talking about when I speak of the "Commitee" in my head, the commitee is always there and one of the major players in that commitee is the member who until the day we die is trying to get us to believe that "We can drink like normal people."

I am not knocking the guy or the book, but a nonalcoholic can not understand an alcoholic or what it takes for one to stay not only sober, but happier being sober then drinking, that to me is the key thing that AA teaches, is not how to not drink, but how to live sober.