h4lov909

i just went throught the happiest 39 days of my life, Sober!!! now i feel i can not crawl out of my hole, I finally got my husband to stay he does nto know about my relapse he has no understanding of alcholism justmy personal choice he says.I just want to be better

Rob B

"I want to be better" those are word that resonate within me. Today I am better, and it has very little to do with "wanting" and a lot to do with doing. Recovery takes action. The idea of drinking and following through on that insane thought is the scariest thing that will ever happen to me, and it will occur sober. If you are like me, you will not be able to remember the consequences, the nightmarish existence of alcoloholism with enough force to keep you away, you will be without defense from the 1st drink. The VERY GOOD NEWS is that there is a way out, The 12 steps of AA worked for me. I am responsible for my spiritual fitness that keeps me connected to a power greater than myself.This is what keeps me sober, I am not making any choices other than asking myself, will I live by spiritual principles or die an alcoholic death? Sobriety is amazing, the promises in the BIG Book do come true if you do the work,thoroughly and honestly. Bill Wilson once said "I hope your slip will kick you upstairs" perhaps this will be your experience. I wish you well on your journey whatever path you decide to follow.
In Spirit.Rob

h4lov909

thak you rob i do have to take action i could never get out to aa meetings but i am wondering if i can by the book it seems to have much great advice

parentrecovers

you mean the big book, h4lov909? is that what you want to get?

lisap

hang in there h4,

Just try to do the next right thing. You can read the big book online. I think the site is aa.org. It always has helped me to read the stories just after a relapse. Progress, not perfection! you are in my prayer this afternoon,

lisa

Tazman53

h4lov909 welcome to SR, my recovery story is the same as Rob's I took action, I put myself into detox and then went to over 90 AA meetings in 90 days and got a sponsor, I am now on step 9 and am happier then I have been in over 30 years.

I put less time into AA then I spent drinking yet I managed to do over 90 meetings in 90 days, I still go to at least 4 meetings a week and many time more.

Forgive me for asking, but why can't you get to meetings? If it is due to lack of transportation try calling your local AA hotline they may be able to find some one to give you a ride, I give folks rides to meetings that need them.

Okay now on to the relapse, it does happen, the odds go way up on relapses for folks not working any program, so if you were not working some sort of recovery program you may want to, there are more then AA. I spent 10 years trying to quit my way on my own and all I wound up with was relapse after relapse until I finally reached the point where I could not make it thrugh a day with out a drink, every time I relapsed it was worse.

GlassPrisoner

HEY, that's MY story !

Taz hit it on the head. No workee, no recovery. You have to take action. Change your life and yourself. This is best done outside of your home, with other people. Preferably those who have been through what we have.

IO Storm

h4vlov909.....

I got started by reading the Big Book (Text) of Alcoholics

Anonymous!!!

Great idea...I read the stories first...

Then worked backward to the beginning.

Happy reading, and I wish you the best!

Love,

:

Sherry

h4lov909

thank you all for the woonderful support, I am reading stories from the big book my dh would never let me go to a meeting i know that sounds like acop out maybee it is! I REALLY enjoyed the sober time i had i don't know why it terrifies me so much now????

TenPacks

As this is only my 3rd day (this time around), I'm not going to speculate about anyone - even myself. But I can, and fairly I think, talk about the "other times"... I've stayed sober for months at a time in the past.

What I DO remember, besides the hard work, was a nagging feeling that I don't exactly know how to live this new life, nor remember what it was like before it all started - it was too long ago. Because of that, I think my "ill-self" kept sneaking back and tried to remind me that being a drinker was something I was really really good at! - I KNEW HOW TO DO THAT! Kind of a "Devil you know vs. the Devil you don't" thing.
And at those times, I had no sponsor, no Forum like this, no one to put a hand on my shoulder and say, "C'mon. Let's just talk about this before you do anything."

And having alcohol in the house, because my wife drank some (though not as much as me, at all) made it just too hard to resist. *please note - I am NOT tossing my responsibilities on her or anyone else, but it just makes it that much harder to do - and "Thassa fack, Jack!"

Besides her vowing to accompany me on my journey back this time, I also know that the so-called "comfort of the familiar" is going to be one of the red flags for me to beware.... we all tire at times, and there can be a tendency to give in just this once, almost like wanting a short vacation from the effort needed. I know that vacation can turn into a round-the-world cruise, though, and that's a dead-end.



and one other thing (I may be out of line here)... your Hubbie terming it "your personal choice" is like someone telling me I decided to be bald. JMHO.

Tazman53

Does your husband object to you getting any out side help? Why?

h4lov909

Yeah Tax he does just tells me to get over it and 10paks he is bald LOL. I asked him to read some of the research I have done on addiction and such but he refuses. He basiclly thinks the rel me is just a lazy drunk and as soon as he sees that he will leave (geez it hut even to type that) I can't even tell him about sr. But i now somwher deep i am better than the lazy drunk he has come to expect she resufaced for 39 days but the expectations he puts on me (and my self doing it can't totally blame anyone else) just got to be to muchand your all right about support besides here i am by myself

lanie67

Wow, that sounds like a very painful situation to be in, being with someone who regards you that way; no wonder you are medicating. I hope you will get support elsewhere like AA since obviously your husband is not being supportive of you. ACOA might help as well because it sounds like there is a huge lack of boundaries here. It doesn't matter what you did yesterday or this morning, all that really matters is today. I know that now, after relapsing after almost ten years. It became crystal clear to me in the days after that relapse how nothing matters but the present; if you are sober this very moment then you are a sober human being. That stuff about marking time is meant to help alcoholics but if it becomes a hindrance then disregard it. It seems strange that your husband would rather see you as sick than well, that sounds like codependency issues and those are his and not yours. Orgs like Al-anon and ACOA help people figure out what is theirs and what isn't. Hugs.

h4lov909

Thanks lanie im sure he has some issues too but i have to get well wether he admits them or not

parentrecovers

i agree with you, h4lov - sometimes the very best we can do is lead by good example. keep working on your recovery. blessings, k

Tazman53

h4lov, you are going to have to do what you have to do to get and stay sober, not sure where you live in Ca., but a lot of areas do have daily noon time AA meetings.

CarolD

I do hope you find a way to stay sober....
Blessings