Sober Wedding Reception - How to Handle This?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Sober Wedding Reception - How to Handle This?
Good morning everyone!
I am getting married in September to a fellow recovering alcoholic. We plan to have a large informal wedding/reception. I am really ramping up the planning now and am getting ready to deal with invitations. Here is my question.
Most of our guests will either be our fellow AA friends, and/or family and friends that know we are in recovery. However, there will some people there from work (my work primarily) who don't know. It's not that I'm ashamed of it and have told many people one on one when it seemed appropriate but it's not exactly something you post outside your office door LOL!
Obviously we will not be serving liquor at the reception. Furthermore I don't want people bringing it to the reception in misguided attempts to "help us out" or "lighten up the mood". I've actually had a family member suggest that he will have to have something before he arrives if I'm not going to have any there. That just freaks me out! This wedding/reception will be alcohol free for a purpose and I want it to stay that way. My question is, how in the world can I communicate something like that? That's not exactly something I can put in the wedding invitation (or is it?)
As the time gets closer more and more people are asking about the plans and at that point I have casually thrown in there that there will be no alcohol involved and some seem disappointed or puzzled but haven't pressed it. I don't want to be faced with people sneaking bottles in and possibly jeopardizing some of our AA newbies who we want to invite. I will have 3 years and my fiance will almost have 3 years at the time of the wedding, God willing, so I'm not real worried about us being around it. The smell of it makes me feel nauseated now. We go to bars and sing kareoke on occassion with no problems but for someone really new in sobriety I just don't want them put into an awkward situation if I can avoid it but I also don't want to offend anyone either. Arghhhhh!
I think I may be totally overthinking this but would still welcome input. If you have had a sober reception or attended a sober reception I'd like to know how and/or if it was communicated in advance and how people reacted. I realize totally that I have no control over others and what they may end up doing with regards to sneaking in a bottle but it still bothers me. I also don't want to spend the whole evening test tasting the punch to make sure it doesn't get an extra ingredient.
Ok, I'm making myself crazy now so I'll shut up. I welcome any and all input and experiences.
Hugs,
Kellye
I am getting married in September to a fellow recovering alcoholic. We plan to have a large informal wedding/reception. I am really ramping up the planning now and am getting ready to deal with invitations. Here is my question.
Most of our guests will either be our fellow AA friends, and/or family and friends that know we are in recovery. However, there will some people there from work (my work primarily) who don't know. It's not that I'm ashamed of it and have told many people one on one when it seemed appropriate but it's not exactly something you post outside your office door LOL!
Obviously we will not be serving liquor at the reception. Furthermore I don't want people bringing it to the reception in misguided attempts to "help us out" or "lighten up the mood". I've actually had a family member suggest that he will have to have something before he arrives if I'm not going to have any there. That just freaks me out! This wedding/reception will be alcohol free for a purpose and I want it to stay that way. My question is, how in the world can I communicate something like that? That's not exactly something I can put in the wedding invitation (or is it?)
As the time gets closer more and more people are asking about the plans and at that point I have casually thrown in there that there will be no alcohol involved and some seem disappointed or puzzled but haven't pressed it. I don't want to be faced with people sneaking bottles in and possibly jeopardizing some of our AA newbies who we want to invite. I will have 3 years and my fiance will almost have 3 years at the time of the wedding, God willing, so I'm not real worried about us being around it. The smell of it makes me feel nauseated now. We go to bars and sing kareoke on occassion with no problems but for someone really new in sobriety I just don't want them put into an awkward situation if I can avoid it but I also don't want to offend anyone either. Arghhhhh!
I think I may be totally overthinking this but would still welcome input. If you have had a sober reception or attended a sober reception I'd like to know how and/or if it was communicated in advance and how people reacted. I realize totally that I have no control over others and what they may end up doing with regards to sneaking in a bottle but it still bothers me. I also don't want to spend the whole evening test tasting the punch to make sure it doesn't get an extra ingredient.
Ok, I'm making myself crazy now so I'll shut up. I welcome any and all input and experiences.
Hugs,
Kellye
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Well if it was me I would simply put on the invitations that "This will be an alcohol free event".
If they don't want to come because they can't drink then IMO you probably did not need or want them there any how.
My dad told me that when he quit drinking he learned who his real friends were and who his drinking buddies were.
If they don't want to come because they can't drink then IMO you probably did not need or want them there any how.
My dad told me that when he quit drinking he learned who his real friends were and who his drinking buddies were.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
hey kellye,
i admire you for having such a good, safe plan. and congrats on your sobriety and upcoming marriage!
do you really think people would people really sneak it in?
no advice on how to handle it, but i wish i was invited - sounds like fun!
blessings, k
i admire you for having such a good, safe plan. and congrats on your sobriety and upcoming marriage!
do you really think people would people really sneak it in?
no advice on how to handle it, but i wish i was invited - sounds like fun!
blessings, k
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Deinze, Belgium
Posts: 246
I don't think people will be sneaking in booze. That's more the behaviour of schoolboys/girls at the prom. Just like Taz,... I would simply put "This will be an alcohol free event" on the invitations. If some people won't come because there is no alcohol that can only mean two things:
1. They are alcoholics (LOL)
2. They are no real friends.
I wish I was invited too! But I live to far to attend anyway! By the way,... try not to stress over trivial things on the big day. That day flies by so fast that you need to enjoy every second honey. Trust me!
Congrats!
Philip
1. They are alcoholics (LOL)
2. They are no real friends.
I wish I was invited too! But I live to far to attend anyway! By the way,... try not to stress over trivial things on the big day. That day flies by so fast that you need to enjoy every second honey. Trust me!
Congrats!
Philip
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 94
My brother and his wife had an alcohol free wedding and reception. They are Southern Baptist though, but they did make it clear to (work and friends) that it was to be alcohol free. Maybe promote it as a religious preferance and hopefully your work friends will respect that.
I would assume these work friends who do drink are actually "friends". Maybe you could ask one who could coordinate something afterwards where they could go to have drinks later on.
Anyways, best of luck to both of you!
I would assume these work friends who do drink are actually "friends". Maybe you could ask one who could coordinate something afterwards where they could go to have drinks later on.
Anyways, best of luck to both of you!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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Hi Kellye,
I'd put it on the invitation too. It's your wedding and it's definitely something that should be done just the way you want it. It's the one day when you shouldn't have to compromise your ideas of what you and your fiance want. As far as people sneaking alcohol into the wedding - I don't know what to say about that.
I'd put it on the invitation too. It's your wedding and it's definitely something that should be done just the way you want it. It's the one day when you shouldn't have to compromise your ideas of what you and your fiance want. As far as people sneaking alcohol into the wedding - I don't know what to say about that.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
That's not exactly something I can put in the wedding invitation (or is it?)
Actually I find Taz's suggestion a lot more tactful than I was:
"This will be an alcohol free event".
Not one comment was made at the wedding, I heard a few before hand and just said, nope we are not having any alcohol at our reception, do not bring any you will be asked to leave.
And it was great!!!!!! We had many coffee pots going, we had lots of soda, all kinds and we toasted with Sparkling Apple Cider.
Have a WONDERFUL WEDDING!!!!!
As a side note, I have to tell you that even though I have been sober almost 26 years now.....................THE SMELL OF ALCOHOL still makes me very very sick to my stomach.
Love and hugs,
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
In regards to the smell of alcohol making me sick...... I don't going around sniffing it!!! LOL
If you think beating me will make you fell better go for it, but if you think it will stop me, have at it, I have raised 4 kids and still have 2 teens at home still, you can not hurt me! LOL
If you think beating me will make you fell better go for it, but if you think it will stop me, have at it, I have raised 4 kids and still have 2 teens at home still, you can not hurt me! LOL
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
You could put on the R.S.V.P or the card with the reception information on it...
In honor of the Bride and Grooms recovery program no alcohol will be served and the reception will be alcohol free.
Kinda like when they say no gifts please..... put that way most people would not dare to bring it in.
In honor of the Bride and Grooms recovery program no alcohol will be served and the reception will be alcohol free.
Kinda like when they say no gifts please..... put that way most people would not dare to bring it in.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Thanks everyone for your input! In regards to people sneaking it in, yes I have to say that as juvenile as it may sound it could happen.
I am going to just put it in the invitation at the bottom, using the wording Taz gave and be done with it!
I wish you all could come too but you can all be with us in spirit!!!
I don't know what I'd do without SR!
Taz, I don't go around sniffing alcohol either but there have been times when I have been in a social situations (such as work functions) where others are drinking and I can smell it (my nose is very sensitive) and it definitely makes me feel sick.
hugs to you all and again thanks a bunch for the input!
Kellye
I am going to just put it in the invitation at the bottom, using the wording Taz gave and be done with it!
I wish you all could come too but you can all be with us in spirit!!!
I don't know what I'd do without SR!
Taz, I don't go around sniffing alcohol either but there have been times when I have been in a social situations (such as work functions) where others are drinking and I can smell it (my nose is very sensitive) and it definitely makes me feel sick.
hugs to you all and again thanks a bunch for the input!
Kellye
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Pasadena,Ca
Posts: 147
Congratulations on your wedding. Sounds like it will be a blast. There were so many drunken idiots at mine. Amazingly, I wasn't one of them that night!
Yeah, the smell of alcohol still makes me feel nauseated, this is after 13 years. I am actually grateful for that. One whiff and it takes me right back to a place I never want to be in again.. Good reminder.
-K
Yeah, the smell of alcohol still makes me feel nauseated, this is after 13 years. I am actually grateful for that. One whiff and it takes me right back to a place I never want to be in again.. Good reminder.
-K
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by Kellye D 
I wish you all could come too but you can all be with us in spirit!!!
You said no alcohol...so I won't be touching any spirits *LOL*
Sorry bad joke *LOL*
My problem is the opposite. My daughter wants open bar. I can handle it myself, I don't like the idea for the general purpose of it.
Alcohol free, no wet bar. per Bill W.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
I don't know what to say Kelly. There are some great suggestions above.
I wouldn't obssess over it, nor expect everyone to adhere to your request, You KNOW what we would have done.........
Oh, BTW, Congrats !!!!!
I wouldn't obssess over it, nor expect everyone to adhere to your request, You KNOW what we would have done.........
Oh, BTW, Congrats !!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
GP, yeah I know exactly what we would have done and I guess that is why the thought even occurred to me. I am not worried about it for my own sake (other than I don't want anyone getting drunk and acting like an ass at our reception) but more for the sake of the newbies.
You're right though, I need to stop obsessing. I'm going to put it on the invitation and hopefully everyone will respect that.
Hugs,
Kellye
You're right though, I need to stop obsessing. I'm going to put it on the invitation and hopefully everyone will respect that.
Hugs,
Kellye
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
or to be realistic--maybe just one type of drink --like wine----those that want something can have it---those As know better-they are always going to be around it......But good for you if you decide not to--nothing wrong with that....a wedding how wonderful
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