Feeling lonely
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: ND
Posts: 44
Feeling lonely
I can't seem to shake this lonely feeling. I've had it off and on the last couple of days. I try to get out and be with people and that is definitely helping me a lot at the time. I enjoy others' company but I don't enjoy my alone time as much as I used to. I try to fill the time by visiting this board, praying, working my steps, reading, etc... but I just feel like I need to be doing more. I know that staying sober is what's most important right now but sometimes my mind just goes too fast for its own good. I'm also very aware that I have created this isolation myself. That doesn't make it less painful. Sometimes I am doing so well and then the roller coaster peaks and takes a downward turn.
I'm really struggling with the recent lack of communication between my ex and I. I'm really trying to step back and let her make the contact if she wants to, but I think about her multiple times every day. We've had an agreement to not break contact and I thought we still considered each other best friends. However, I get the feeling lately that I am becoming more and more of a distraction in her life. She always seems to busy to talk or even unwilling. I know, take a hint, right. I just need to get things clarified but it's impossible when you can't talk. I am over my delusions of us being romantically involved in the near future, but I thought we were still friends. Maybe she was just letting me down easy and is slowly distancing herself now. It seems the result is prolonging the agony. I'm trying so hard to release my selfish thinking and be considerate of her needs. I can't imagine what my actions have done to her in the last 6-7 months. I am fully confident that I will be fine without her as long as I have the fellowship of AA, but that doesn't mean I don't want her in my life.
I am sober today, just for today. I am so blessed that my higher power has taken my desire to drink from me. Whenever the slightest craving appears, I pray and give it to him. Today I have 71 days, officially the longest in 5 years possibly as many as 10. I'm trying to stay positive. I'm not sure what I'm asking for in this thread, but any responses are welcome.
Just had to let some of that out in writing,
Thanks for letting me share,
kp
I'm really struggling with the recent lack of communication between my ex and I. I'm really trying to step back and let her make the contact if she wants to, but I think about her multiple times every day. We've had an agreement to not break contact and I thought we still considered each other best friends. However, I get the feeling lately that I am becoming more and more of a distraction in her life. She always seems to busy to talk or even unwilling. I know, take a hint, right. I just need to get things clarified but it's impossible when you can't talk. I am over my delusions of us being romantically involved in the near future, but I thought we were still friends. Maybe she was just letting me down easy and is slowly distancing herself now. It seems the result is prolonging the agony. I'm trying so hard to release my selfish thinking and be considerate of her needs. I can't imagine what my actions have done to her in the last 6-7 months. I am fully confident that I will be fine without her as long as I have the fellowship of AA, but that doesn't mean I don't want her in my life.
I am sober today, just for today. I am so blessed that my higher power has taken my desire to drink from me. Whenever the slightest craving appears, I pray and give it to him. Today I have 71 days, officially the longest in 5 years possibly as many as 10. I'm trying to stay positive. I'm not sure what I'm asking for in this thread, but any responses are welcome.
Just had to let some of that out in writing,
Thanks for letting me share,
kp
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Mega Hugs kp..
Sorry you are in a sad place.
I think it might be the "Love Holiday" blues.
Here is my thinking on relationships..
not all lovers or friends are forever.
I need space/time away from the hurt
then I can often be able to re commect
on a different level.
Not always...but often.
I hope this helps
BTW
the Valentine bunny hopped over me too! LOL
Sorry you are in a sad place.
I think it might be the "Love Holiday" blues.
Here is my thinking on relationships..
not all lovers or friends are forever.
I need space/time away from the hurt
then I can often be able to re commect
on a different level.
Not always...but often.
I hope this helps
BTW
the Valentine bunny hopped over me too! LOL
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hmmm...
It could be you are tired of the cold winter
and early darkness
Or
Too much junk food
Or
You need to adopt a pet
Or
You miss having a SO
I do know it hurts and I am sorry.
It could be you are tired of the cold winter
and early darkness
Or
Too much junk food
Or
You need to adopt a pet
Or
You miss having a SO
I do know it hurts and I am sorry.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
dear kpnewlife,
man, I could really relate to your feelings. especially how you find your mind racing...for me, if i am not at peace emotionally, is when my mind races around. Its like i need to take some action, any action, just to change the inner feelings.
I also sympathize with the feeling of incompletion in a relationship, and, although acceptance will come, it is hard right now. You never know; you may just find that you CAN get the clarification you need without having a verbal conversation with your ex. It will be your own clarification, and more than likely, it needs to be delivered to you in increments that you can assimilate.
So, you dont have the whole picture, but your hP does. Keep those lines open, and soon, you will know the peace you seek. its already within yuo.
and, I agree with Carol. Some relationships are not forever, and we outgrow some people, while others outgrow us (hard to imagine!) . As long as we ingrow through all of them, they are all perfect, even those with endings.
You are an important part of my AA fellowship, so thanks for being here!
man, I could really relate to your feelings. especially how you find your mind racing...for me, if i am not at peace emotionally, is when my mind races around. Its like i need to take some action, any action, just to change the inner feelings.
I also sympathize with the feeling of incompletion in a relationship, and, although acceptance will come, it is hard right now. You never know; you may just find that you CAN get the clarification you need without having a verbal conversation with your ex. It will be your own clarification, and more than likely, it needs to be delivered to you in increments that you can assimilate.
So, you dont have the whole picture, but your hP does. Keep those lines open, and soon, you will know the peace you seek. its already within yuo.
and, I agree with Carol. Some relationships are not forever, and we outgrow some people, while others outgrow us (hard to imagine!) . As long as we ingrow through all of them, they are all perfect, even those with endings.
You are an important part of my AA fellowship, so thanks for being here!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
kp to use an old cliche that with the steps really proves to hold true, time cures all.
In regards to being lonely it may be time for you to pick up some other activities to expand your walk into normalcy, possibly a class at your local college or some volunteer work. Maybe a new hobby?
In regards to being lonely it may be time for you to pick up some other activities to expand your walk into normalcy, possibly a class at your local college or some volunteer work. Maybe a new hobby?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Istanbul
Posts: 124
If you feel up to it take a walk. I usually take a stroll when I am depressed or want a drink. Get out take some fresh air or as Taz says maybe you can pick up some actişvities you can enjoy and distract your thoughts.
Good Luck and congratulations on your 71 days.
Good Luck and congratulations on your 71 days.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 61
kp,
I think it's perfectly natural to be feeling a little lost right now. 71 days without a drink is absolutely wonderful, but don't forget, not only are you in mourning for your relationship, you are still probably in mourning for your friend, alcohol. In the past when you were feeling lonely you could always turn to alcohol (your other friend) to numb that feeling, and now you don't... so you have to feel the feelings of sadness and loneliness that you never allowed yourself before.
I've been feeling depressed myself, too. Crying at the drop of a hat, for no reason. Anything can trigger it. It finally occurred to me yesterday that while I don't miss my friends... I do miss one friend, the one that *seemed* to make everything in life easier -- and that was alcohol. This past week there were some really hard things happening with my 13 year old son (who has learning disabilities), and I just felt heartbroken for him, and it felt so *intense*, and I wondered why, this time, I felt it so strongly, and then I realized it was because I was actually *feeling* it this time!
I think sadness and loneliness is just as much a part of living, and life, as happiness and contentment... we're just not used to letting ourselves feel those particular emotions -- they're too uncomfortable for us. But you know, maybe it's all part of the process of recovery.
Feel what you need to feel until you don't feel it anymore. By squashing your emotions or denying them you end up putting them in a place where they will lurk and fester and eventually pop to the service again and you'll have to start all over.
Be good to yourself.
Kats
I think it's perfectly natural to be feeling a little lost right now. 71 days without a drink is absolutely wonderful, but don't forget, not only are you in mourning for your relationship, you are still probably in mourning for your friend, alcohol. In the past when you were feeling lonely you could always turn to alcohol (your other friend) to numb that feeling, and now you don't... so you have to feel the feelings of sadness and loneliness that you never allowed yourself before.
I've been feeling depressed myself, too. Crying at the drop of a hat, for no reason. Anything can trigger it. It finally occurred to me yesterday that while I don't miss my friends... I do miss one friend, the one that *seemed* to make everything in life easier -- and that was alcohol. This past week there were some really hard things happening with my 13 year old son (who has learning disabilities), and I just felt heartbroken for him, and it felt so *intense*, and I wondered why, this time, I felt it so strongly, and then I realized it was because I was actually *feeling* it this time!
I think sadness and loneliness is just as much a part of living, and life, as happiness and contentment... we're just not used to letting ourselves feel those particular emotions -- they're too uncomfortable for us. But you know, maybe it's all part of the process of recovery.
Feel what you need to feel until you don't feel it anymore. By squashing your emotions or denying them you end up putting them in a place where they will lurk and fester and eventually pop to the service again and you'll have to start all over.
Be good to yourself.
Kats
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: ND
Posts: 44
Thanks everyone for your replies. Yeah, actually feeling my feelings is pretty new to me and shocking at times. I did a long meditation session last night and eventually calmed down. I'm so glad that I have this fellowship along with my local AA. You guys don't disappoint.
Ay100, I had to chuckle a little when I read your post. I don't think I'll be walking here anytime soon. Yesterday's high was -1 F and today doesn't look much better. At least I've got the YMCA, no fresh air but exercise does help.
Thank again to everyone,
kp
Ay100, I had to chuckle a little when I read your post. I don't think I'll be walking here anytime soon. Yesterday's high was -1 F and today doesn't look much better. At least I've got the YMCA, no fresh air but exercise does help.
Thank again to everyone,
kp
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
