everyone here is so much more than me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 352
everyone here is so much more than me
its true...seems like everyone else in this entire site is way more than me...smarter, stronger, more composed....more fortitude....more enlightened, more knowledgable, braver, more enlightened........
i used to be alright, and wonder when/if/ever i will be so again.....i am so tired of this self loathing.....maybe i need being committed into some sort of rehab, cause i can tell you...i am not me anymore...i suck so completely...i need help.......here is the testimony of a professional male....who feels like i want to thumb suck, and be taken care of....cause i cant do it by myself anymore....if it weren't for my children, i am certain i would kill myself.....thanks, booze......
i used to be alright, and wonder when/if/ever i will be so again.....i am so tired of this self loathing.....maybe i need being committed into some sort of rehab, cause i can tell you...i am not me anymore...i suck so completely...i need help.......here is the testimony of a professional male....who feels like i want to thumb suck, and be taken care of....cause i cant do it by myself anymore....if it weren't for my children, i am certain i would kill myself.....thanks, booze......
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
everyone here is so much more than me
If you are seeing anything in me that says I am more then you in any way, the only thing you are seeing is what recovery can do for us when we stay with it.
I am no better then anyone else. I just happen to be in a better situation then some others because I am working my recovery program.
Item for item, wrong for wrong, I would think it a safe assumption that my past mistakes may out weigh anything you may have done. Such is not important though. What is important.... Anything you see that is good in others can be had by you. The future in a sober life sure does change things.
You are worth it.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
lost the only difference between you and I is the bottle!!! 151 days ago I was right where you are at, I was to chicken crap to drink myself to death so I went into detox where I had no choice, I could not drink. Read my "I can not believe it" post.
I had went further then you, my kids and wife had lost all respect for me and love. They were in the process of moving out, I stood righ on the edge of that cliff...... one more step and I was a dead man! I would have been doomed to a slow painful death from alcoholism.
You are no better or worse then any other alcoholic. There are rooms full of sober recovering and recovered alcoholics in AA, every one of them know exactly where you are at right now, they know all your feelings because they have walked in your shoes!
The most important thing that these folks in AA know is how to get and stay sober and be happy!
Every person here loves you, and I can tell you that the rooms of AA have a moment of silence just for you at every meeting. Why not go and feel the love, feel the power of a group of sober alcoholics!
I had went further then you, my kids and wife had lost all respect for me and love. They were in the process of moving out, I stood righ on the edge of that cliff...... one more step and I was a dead man! I would have been doomed to a slow painful death from alcoholism.
You are no better or worse then any other alcoholic. There are rooms full of sober recovering and recovered alcoholics in AA, every one of them know exactly where you are at right now, they know all your feelings because they have walked in your shoes!
The most important thing that these folks in AA know is how to get and stay sober and be happy!
Every person here loves you, and I can tell you that the rooms of AA have a moment of silence just for you at every meeting. Why not go and feel the love, feel the power of a group of sober alcoholics!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
dear lost,
you dont have to do this. call your local AA, call your doctor and explore detox options, get to an AA meeting and strat a new path of life today.
We are all just like you, except that we are taking care of our disease. We want the same for you, and there is a better way.
Do you have the phone numbers? where are you?I can look it up for you.
you dont have to do this. call your local AA, call your doctor and explore detox options, get to an AA meeting and strat a new path of life today.
We are all just like you, except that we are taking care of our disease. We want the same for you, and there is a better way.
Do you have the phone numbers? where are you?I can look it up for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by losteverything 
its true...seems like everyone else in this entire site is way more than me...smarter, stronger, more composed....more fortitude....more enlightened, more knowledgable, braver, more enlightened........
i used to be alright, and wonder when/if/ever i will be so again.....i am so tired of this self loathing.....maybe i need being committed into some sort of rehab, cause i can tell you...i am not me anymore...i suck so completely...i need help.......here is the testimony of a professional male....who feels like i want to thumb suck, and be taken care of....cause i cant do it by myself anymore....if it weren't for my children, i am certain i would kill myself.....thanks, booze......
i used to be alright, and wonder when/if/ever i will be so again.....i am so tired of this self loathing.....maybe i need being committed into some sort of rehab, cause i can tell you...i am not me anymore...i suck so completely...i need help.......here is the testimony of a professional male....who feels like i want to thumb suck, and be taken care of....cause i cant do it by myself anymore....if it weren't for my children, i am certain i would kill myself.....thanks, booze......
You're not unique! I believe most drunks feel the same way at some time or other. There is a way out though. I learned from AA and working the steps that I'm not all that good at being that bad. When I started doing things that I could respect myself for doing, I started to like me. So, get off the pity pot and start working on getting sober.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: TX
Posts: 542
Lost it was not long ago I was in the same boat as you. Why can others quit and I can not? Why do I suffer from alcoholism and others don't. Why can't I be like others that seem to have it all together? Why was I stupid enough to think I could drink in moderation after going eleven months without a drink? Why do others have the ability to drink in moderation? Why can't I be like those people? I was asking why to many of the wrong questions. The real question was why am I an alcoholic. I found the answer in "under the influence". I'm one of a select group of people than have a decision they must make. Continue to drink and die or quit drinking and live. All alcoholics have that to face. With that said everybody is unique meaning what works for one person may not work for another. Nobody can tell you if you do this, this, and this you can stay sober because that's what worked for me. People can give advise and tips on what works for them and you can find many tools for staying sober. I have learned so much from the people on this site. One thing I've learned is that anybody can quit. It does not matter how long or how much they have been drinking if they really want to change their life for the better they can. I do not believe any of God's children are destined to drink his/herself to death. We can not change the fact that we are alcoholics. We can choose what we do with our life. Nobody has to drink. Everybody has a choice that goes for alcoholics too.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,061
One of the most important things I learned was that recovery began when I started to recognize the similarities rather than the differences. Try a meeting and see how much you have in common with other alcoholics, and try to have an open mind.
When I started attending AA meetings I thought I'd never have what all those laughing, smiling, AA members had. Now I know that they were offering it freely to me, but I had to reach out and take it.
When I started attending AA meetings I thought I'd never have what all those laughing, smiling, AA members had. Now I know that they were offering it freely to me, but I had to reach out and take it.
the Sober Ninja
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 8
"If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it-then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol-cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power-that One is God. May you find Him now!"
BB pgs. 58-59
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol-cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power-that One is God. May you find Him now!"
BB pgs. 58-59
dum vita est spes est
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: vita secundum nex
Posts: 287
Lost,
Man that's the disease talkin' if I've every heard it talk - and trust me my friend I still hear it say, "You're not good enough, You deserve a drink, You'll never be able to stay sober the rest of your life so why even start?" and the lines go on and on.
The only thing we can bank on are those that have done it. Those that say the screams, turn into yells, then into whispers, then just a warm breeze. We are all in the same boat and the person that claims he or she is better than you is the sickest one of all.
Stay strong and pray I do the same.
PR
Man that's the disease talkin' if I've every heard it talk - and trust me my friend I still hear it say, "You're not good enough, You deserve a drink, You'll never be able to stay sober the rest of your life so why even start?" and the lines go on and on.
The only thing we can bank on are those that have done it. Those that say the screams, turn into yells, then into whispers, then just a warm breeze. We are all in the same boat and the person that claims he or she is better than you is the sickest one of all.
Stay strong and pray I do the same.
PR
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 98
Originally Posted by losteverything
.....here is the testimony of a professional male....who feels like i want to thumb suck, and be taken care of....cause i cant do it by myself anymore....
If you think that "being taken care of" is immasculating, read "Tuesdays With Morrie," by Mitch Albom. One of the greatest gifts I gave to myself was to allow people who care about me to actually care about me. It only took me 46 years to allow myself the sort of vulnerabilty that, in reality, makes me less vulnerable than trying to face absolutely everything alone.
Depression passes, alcohol kills the likes of us. Nothing in my 34 days of sobriety comes close to the lows I felt while I was drinking.
Stay strong, stay sober, and know that being alone is a far cry from being lonely. You don't have to be lonely, especially if you have kids and a support group like this.
Earl
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Colorado Springs CO
Posts: 889
seems like everyone else in this entire site is way more than me...smarter, stronger, more composed....more fortitude....more enlightened, more knowledgable, braver, more enlightened........
If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly.
Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this power?
Well, that's exactly what this book is about. It's main object is to enable you to find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.
Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this power?
Well, that's exactly what this book is about. It's main object is to enable you to find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by losteverything
maybe i need being committed into some sort of rehab, cause i can tell you...i am not me anymore
Maybe, you do need rehab. Before I went, I couldn't do it on my own at all. I'll be the first to admit that. I'll also admit that detox was the smartest thing I had done and it was painless. I just went a month drink free.
Talk to your doctor, I bet he will say the same thing. Best of luck to you and PM me if you need to.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
You know what the most beautiful part of how you are feeling is....
If you choose recovery and work your program..... in 2 months, 2 years ... however long..... Someone is going to come here or say in a meeting exactlly what you just did.... and you are going to be the one to reach out your hand to help them.
We have all been where you are in one way or another.
If you choose recovery and work your program..... in 2 months, 2 years ... however long..... Someone is going to come here or say in a meeting exactlly what you just did.... and you are going to be the one to reach out your hand to help them.
We have all been where you are in one way or another.
Silly Rabbit
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 956
I've had my life saved twice. Once, a man held a sawed-off to the back of my head and threatened to kill me, and my then-boyfriend wrestled him to the ground. The next time, my roommate flipped out and told me I was gonna "get it" and two men from the program let me move into their house that weekend. The first two months in a brand new city I caused more trouble than I knew what to do with... and was sober the whole time. Was I embarassed, ashamed, and humiliated? Sure. But y'know what? The kids who moved me in told me the only thing I ever had to do was pass it on when someone else needed it... you're no better, no worse than anyone else here. Take good care of yourself, you are WORTH IT.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
We all feel "less than: at one time or another. It's oart of the disease. That, or we feel surperior. Someone once said we have huge Egos and very little self esteem.
I'm struggling right now to be just normal. Not better than or less than, just me.
I'm struggling right now to be just normal. Not better than or less than, just me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upper Kolobia
Posts: 153
I Guess I Get to Tell a Story . . .
About a time a newbie showed up at a meeting sounding a lot like you are right now . . .
I flat-arse told him I wasn't too polite to tell him how sorry he was feeling for himself . . .
He wound up in treatment about a week later; spent a couple of months in a good residential place (I'm pro-treatment, BTW, although I got sober on the street).
Asked me to sponsor him when he got out . . . Tells a good story about what he thought of me when we had that first encounter . . .
Careful though, guy's working in a rehab north of here . . . Doing a lot of good stuff I hear . . . Has for about 20 years now . . .
I flat-arse told him I wasn't too polite to tell him how sorry he was feeling for himself . . .
He wound up in treatment about a week later; spent a couple of months in a good residential place (I'm pro-treatment, BTW, although I got sober on the street).
Asked me to sponsor him when he got out . . . Tells a good story about what he thought of me when we had that first encounter . . .
Careful though, guy's working in a rehab north of here . . . Doing a lot of good stuff I hear . . . Has for about 20 years now . . .
Last edited by concolor1; 02-15-2007 at 12:53 PM. Reason: Spelling (And they even measured me for brain damage)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 264
Originally Posted by losteverything
its true...seems like everyone else in this entire site is way more than me...smarter, stronger, more composed....more fortitude....more enlightened, more knowledgable, braver, more enlightened........
i used to be alright, and wonder when/if/ever i will be so again.....i am so tired of this self loathing.....maybe i need being committed into some sort of rehab, cause i can tell you...i am not me anymore...i suck so completely...i need help.......here is the testimony of a professional male....who feels like i want to thumb suck, and be taken care of....cause i cant do it by myself anymore....if it weren't for my children, i am certain i would kill myself.....thanks, booze......
i used to be alright, and wonder when/if/ever i will be so again.....i am so tired of this self loathing.....maybe i need being committed into some sort of rehab, cause i can tell you...i am not me anymore...i suck so completely...i need help.......here is the testimony of a professional male....who feels like i want to thumb suck, and be taken care of....cause i cant do it by myself anymore....if it weren't for my children, i am certain i would kill myself.....thanks, booze......
Walking into AA was the hardest thing I have ever done. But it saved my life.
It is a choice of courage. Yours to make though. We can't make it for you. But I will keep you in my prayers. Let us know what happens. xx
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Detox was very important for me, I had surrendered to alcohol, I knew I had reached the point of stop drinking or die, I had to put myself into detox because there was no other way in Hades I was going to get sober.
When I went in I was beaten, I was a piece of trash, I was totally lost, alcohol had me by the cahoonas and I had no idea how to quit and stay quit. I was a useless something, that wanted something other then what I had become, a drunk!
After about three days in detox the fog started to lift and the detox folks held up a light at the end of a very long dark tunnel, that light was long term sobriety...... that light they held up when I was drinking I had hated and feared at the same time............ that light in my darkness was AA.
Thanks to the detox I went too pointing me in the right direction when I left, thanks to my HP whom I chose to call God, and thanks to AA, I walk in the light today. The light is warm and beautiful and glows brightly and as long as I follow directions.
When I went in I was beaten, I was a piece of trash, I was totally lost, alcohol had me by the cahoonas and I had no idea how to quit and stay quit. I was a useless something, that wanted something other then what I had become, a drunk!
After about three days in detox the fog started to lift and the detox folks held up a light at the end of a very long dark tunnel, that light was long term sobriety...... that light they held up when I was drinking I had hated and feared at the same time............ that light in my darkness was AA.
Thanks to the detox I went too pointing me in the right direction when I left, thanks to my HP whom I chose to call God, and thanks to AA, I walk in the light today. The light is warm and beautiful and glows brightly and as long as I follow directions.
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