Tazman53

Finding out that is an excellent explanation of a "Higher Power of my understanding", so many folks get this preconcieved idea that in order to be in AA or for it to work one must find God, as you and many others have found out, that is a bunch of hooeey!

There are several folks on this thread who are eitherat or near to being where I wish I had been 25-30 years ago, if only I could have seen myself and what I was then and where I was going, I could have had so many more happy sober years in my life, but that is the past and it is gone, today is all I live in.

I drank for 40 years, spent the last 10 trying to moderate and or quit, going it alone was a lost cause, my pride kept me from getting help, I continued to think that my own knowledge and will power could overcome my alcoholism.

It was not until I was on the verge of losing it all that I finally went through detox, learned there that if I wanted to STAY sober after getting out that I needed to learn to follow directions, go to 90 AA meetings or more in 90 days and get a sponsor.

Well today is day 144 for me without a single relapse thanks to AA and following directions! The one thing they did not tell me in detox about AA was just how happy I would be by simply following directions!

When one reachs the point in thier drinking where they are willing to do anything to get and stay sober is when they are ready for AA or any other program of recovery. Until then they will continue to fool them selfs into relapse after relapse and continued misery, I did it for 10 years, drank for 40.

Nuudawn

"There's got to be a better way to live life "

Your quote above was EXACTLY a sentiment I wrote in my own journal just before I dropped the bottle and joined AA 2 months ago. I too have kept journals over the years that all detail my drunken buffoonery and perpetual desire to smarten the heck up. It took me until I was 39 to go back to AA. I went twice in my early 20's when my sporadic binges troubled me. I knew something was desperately wrong then..but it was not my time I guess. Sure wish it had been.

I wonder if you believe in any power or force greater than yourself...anything inexplicable that curses through the universe with some sort of beneficial synchronicity. I do believe in a Spirit force..and that is helpful to me. BUT I also believe in the separation of my ego self from my true natural identity. I truly believe that when I dropped in defeat of myself 2 months ago..some sort of separation of the two started to occur. My whole ego fabricated belief system ....which had dictated my thoughts and actions to date...began to break down. I am getting increasingly aware of all the synthetic ego identifications that actually perpetuate suffering....the need to identify and compare with externals...career, money, power, appearances etc. It is our internals...love, peace, compassion etc....that actually bring joy. So many try to fill the gaping void with the wrong things...and it only enlarges. I know that in the end of my drinking days there was never enough of anything...not enough booze, sex, nicotine, oblivion, whatever...to satiate that void.

I needed to quit hiding behind the booze and bring myself to the table to truly receive and savour the simply satisfaction that can be life...real life that never ceases to change, provide and amaze.

Tazman53

Nuudawn I am envious of you wising up that early, I was 53 before I finally surrendered, damn male pride!

Jen26

Hi all,
Thank you so much for your responses. I REALLY appreciate it. Today is day 7. I've made it a week and most importantly I made it through the weekend without alcohol!

At 4pm on Friday, as I was knocking off work I REALLY REALLY felt like a beer, Fridays are my downfall. BUT I went home and cracked open a non-alcoholic beer flavoured soft drink (I didn't even know they made them! NO alcohol at all in it, I triple checked that!) and it really hit the spot, I think the sugar hit was what I needed- I'm sure it contains more sugar than actual beer!

I didn't go to AA, but a workmate and I are doing this together, so we're talking often and supported each other through the weekend- he's a weekend binge drinker as well.

I was lovely to wake up on BOTH Saturday and Sunday morning without the usual feeling of regret, disgust and self loathing.

LetsStartOver: All apologies for missing Friday night, I drove two hours to the beach to spend a weekend relaxing. It's March 1957 here, before I was born, but my cave has colour TV and a toaster!

I'm looking forward to another 7 days without alcohol. I just hope that this lasts, I've failed before.

Jen

Jen26

Hi Mallowcup, thanks for your response, just to answer your question, he drinks, he's a binge drinker too and actually does it more than me. He did pick me up, but gave me hell about it the next day, though I've picked him up after his binges more often than he's had to come get me! We actualy broke up on Wednesday, he moved out on Friday, I need support and someone who's a positive influence and he wasn't providing that, though we have spoken and we are still best mates (we were great friends first). The funny thing is that I didn't even consider drinking to ease the pain of the break up- maybe that's because it wasn't a Friday - so I'm now SINGLE and sober- what a week!

Jen

hope3

Hi Jen26, My name is Sharon and I am a recovering alcoholic. I have been reading “Under the Influence”, and I am surprised by many things that are myth, or misconceptions about alcoholism. I would recommend anyone read it, and I mean anyone, alcoholic or not.

You are very young, and I envy that in you, and I wish you happiness.

According to the book Page 132, chap 8 regarding recovery: “Bill Wilson, cofounder of A.A., lamented the fact that, in his estimation, only 1 alcoholic in 18 was able to start his sobriety in A.A.”

The book talks about A.A. being a very successful program for continuing sobriety through the 12 steps and fellowship. “A.A. has helped tens of thousands of alcoholics to get and stay sober, and has also been the most powerful force in getting society to accept alcoholism as a treatable disease.”(pg, 141)

Thank-you A.A.

The book “Under the Influence” refers to the alcoholic’s best chances of recovery with these things in place:
1. In-patient medical detoxification;
2. A 4 week minimum of in-patient care;
3. Educational programs which stress the physical basis of the disease and its role in causing psychological and social symptoms;
4. Intensive nutritional therapy and education;
5. Strong emphasis on A.A. for long term sobriety;
6. Thorough follow up care;
7. Involvement in the family in treatment and follow up care.*

I guess my main point is there isn’t any one thing that is 100% a guarantee, but a combination of the above empowers and arms an individual with higher % of recovery.

According to the book, anyway…

Personally I am working through the steps with the book “A Woman’s Way through the Twelve Steps” by Stephanie S. Covington, Ph. D.

I am in counseling…….
I am working on nutrition…..
I am working on happiness…
I am working on me………

I have the support and love of friends and family…
I have support of my second family here at SR…

I am a work in progress……..hence the most important part, in progress!
Moreover, if someone has a plan and puts it into action they are usually too busy to dwell as much on drinking in my humble opinion. Take it for what its worth.

CarolD

Jen....Well done on your sober time!

Here is a link to excerpts from
"Under The Influence"

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

I have not had a drink since I read the book.
What convinced me was the information of
how my brain and liver enzymes were affected.

I wish you all the best...