PurpleReign

Great point Taz,
I just need to stop making excuses and do it...tell me it gets easier.

AngelMagic7

Boo
I can't answer your last question as I'm where you are at the moment but I'm really going to give turning point a go.
Deep down I know It's going to get easier as when I think back to where I was before It already has and I'm so desperate to leave this country.
I know I'm never going to do It being an Alcoholic or all the other things I want to do like,
Bungee jumping, Zorbing, sky diving etc... as drink eats all my money away, plus my best mate Richard did it so that helps In a big way every time I see him.
Your not alone when you said you think about drink none stop me too and more probably .
I have found reading adventure books to be really helpful like The Beach or Losing Gemma. Try them, you might like them. Making things have helped to. I get bored really easy so I'm In the middle of making about 5 different things at the moment.
Write a list of things you want to do and enjoy doing then try to start doing some of them to help keep your mind off it. Let me know If any of the above helps xXx Angel

PurpleReign

Thanks for the advice Angel.

Sadly, I don't know if I'll have time for books. The problem with my drinking is that it was a convenient way to "forget" about doing tasks for work and now, having been clean for the past few days, the mountains of tasks to do are almost enough to drive me back to the bottle. The thought that keeps me going though, is that it was drink that got me here and drink that will keep me here and make things worse. So as much as it sucks, I've got to face the music and start hammering away at work...sober (that's a scary thought)

Tazman53

PR You ask me to tell you it gets easier?

Well for me it has been getting easier every day I am sober and I am working the steps, I am going to meetings, I am calling my sponsor, calling folks in my network, praying, reading the BB & posting here lately. Sounds like I have no life but AA doesn't it?

Guess what? I spend less time staying sober and being happy then I did spend drinking and feeling miserable.

For me the decision once I saw death staring me in the face was easy, quit drinking or die! I had no idea by quitting drinking and going to AA I was going to be so happy. I know I sound corny as hell, but I spent close to 40 years in hell, being free from the chains of alcohol is beautiful!!!!

PurpleReign

That's a great story man, very inspirational.

Right now, I'm entering that self-pity stage - "Oh whoa is me...if I wouldn't have drank/drunk...blah blah blah." The good news is I'm sober, the bad news is my job is hanging on a thread and along with it the faith of my family and friends, my mortgage, and my graduate degree - all for what? - booze...sounds pretty crazy when you step away from it for a second.

One day at a time as they say...

Kellye C

Hi PR, please forgive me for jumping into this so late. My computer time is limited as of late. Congratulations on seeking answers to your drinking and the sober time you have accumulated so far. Getting sober was not easy but with time it does get easier. Also, like Taz, I am very active in my AA home group. I am our group treasurer, engaged to one of our members and needless to say I spend a lot of time there. Best thing that ever happened to me. I didn't always feel that way though. I went to meetings before sobering up basically to get people off my *ss and at those meetings I looked around and immediately started ticking off the reasons why I didn't belong there.

It wasn't until 2004 when I had been beaten into a state of reasonableness by alcohol that I walked in willing to look for the similarities. Just that change in perspective changed everything for me.

As for friends, it was like what Best said. Some friends were friends just because they were drinking buddies. They had to go. Some friends I drank with but had other and deeper relationships with. Those I got honest with, admitted my drinking problem and got their total support. Today when faced with it, I just tell people "I don't drink." If they push then I tell them I am in recovery but they usually don't.

As for activities, I now do everything I did before but I don't drink. My fiance and I both love to sing kareoke so we go out to a bar and sing sometimes. We have an understanding that if either of us starts feeling funny we get up and leave no questions asked. So far it hasn't happened but we made that agreement. I have gone to sober AA dances and I have gone to normal bars. I prefer the sober dances. I judge my ability to go into a "normal" place on a daily basis depending on how mentally and spiritually fit I am that day. If I am in a funky place then my butt has no business in a bar. It needs to be in a meeting instead!!! I have left places where I was around alcohol and drove like a bat out of hell to a meeting. Not because I wanted to drink but more because I wanted to reconnect with my "family" that understands me.

As for communion, I haven't faced that a whole lot but when I have I have done it a couple of ways. If I have reason to believe it is wine then I just stay seated and don't participate when communion is performed. I am not Catholic but I work in Catholic healthcare and have been to several services where I wasn't sure if it was wine or not so I chose not to chance it. I have also had it where they give you the little cups. I have had someone with me taste it and tell me if it was grape juice or I have passed on the juice/wine and partaken of the unleavened bread only. I agree with others who suggest speaking with the priest. Trust me, it won't be the first time they have gotten the question. I know for me I cannot put any alcohol in my body so that means avoiding anything that has it whether it be communion wine, mouthwash, nyquil, whatever. Nothing is worth plunging back into the hell of my alcoholism.

Well, I've gone on way to long so I will stop now but I do wish you the very best PR. Hang in there, it does get easier. Don't worry about never drinking again. Just determine you won't drink TODAY. That's all you have to concern yourself with is the current 24 hours, not the rest of your life.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why it's called the present!

Hugs,
Kellye

PurpleReign

Hey guys,
I should let you know that I've been drinking tonight. I'm not sure if it's against the rules to post when drinking but I wanted to admit it outright.

I'm ashamed as hell and will be even more so tomorrow.

I read 50 pages of Under the Influence and the one thing I clutched onto was the quote from Abe Lincoln because I'm quite a fan of his...pg. 31, I think his words could have been easily interepreted, "those that are spared alcoholism, suffer eating and/or mental disorders."

Just in thinking...not one of us has it easy and that's for a reason.

Sorry to let you down.

PR

PurpleReign

How can I defend a God that I continue to humiliate?

PR

KJJ

Just wanted to say I know your pain.

Don't let the guilt eat you up this morning.

Still struggling also, but BETTER since I've been on here.

kjj

Tazman53

PR you need to make a decision, do you REALLY want to stop drinking or not?

I wallowed in self pity, I hated myself because I was weak and had no control over my drinking. The pain of my wife and kids having no respect for me..... actually they were ashamed of me, they didn't have freinds over because I was lit most of the time.

You are allowed here drunk or sober.

You are more then welcome in an AA meeting drunk or sober! If you REALLY want to get and stay sober, you need to do something other then just saying "I don't want to drink"

Would you like to talk to a couple of people who know exactly how you feel right now, who are sober? Do you want to talk to some one F2F that loves you drunk or sober that has the solution to your drinking problem?

If you REALLY want to do something about your drinking I can tell you the beginning of the solution it is a lot easier then typing on the keyboard in front of you right now! Grab a phone book and call the AA hotline or any other support group, I know AA will have 2 people over to see you who know how to get sober and stay sober and there is nothing they would rather do then to help you! But you need to help your self and make that call.

PurpleReign

You're right Taz, obviously I didn't want sobriety as much as I thought yesterday. It really sucks to throw clean time away just like that.

I had no idea you could call an AA hotline, I'll be doing that BEFORE my I take my next drink. I'm going to search for the number now, thanks Taz.

PurpleReign

Finding a local place/number was a little bit more difficult than I thought so here is the link for those in the U.S. that want to find a local AA meeting in their state, just click on your state and you've got options.

http://alcoholism.about.com/gi/dynam...anonymous.org/

TINLIZZY

PR,

I went to my first AA meeting today! It was hard, but worth it. I am not religious and tend to be rather shy in a social situation where I know no one. I was welcomed with open arms (quite literaliy), given pages of phone numbers, and encouraged to come back.

I plan to keep attending!

TinLizzy

PurpleReign

That's flippin' awesome! I'm going tomorrow and will be going every day for the next 30 days, I made a promise to someone.

PR

PurpleReign

Hey Gang,
I'll be heading to a meeting tonight in a few hours. Any tips on what I should do, say, etc. to get the most of out it?

Thanks in advance.

PR

CarolD

Good plan!
Just go listen.
Tell someone you are new if you can.

Here is the scoop...but it is a bit daunting

http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/F...A_Meeting.html

PurpleReign

Thanks Carol,
That article was outstanding, I got to about page 10 of 29 until the doorbell rang. Who was it, but my drug addict friend showing up and wanting to hang out. The good news is he claimed (once again) to be giving up the drugs (although he drank last night) and wanted to just hang out today because he was depressed. I was so tempted to just hang out and catch up with him but told him I was going to AA and invited him to come - but he refused saying he didn't need it and didn't want to be labled/seen as an alcoholic by society.

I could only think about the article you just sent me Carol, so much rang true about fear and loss of a face, and his remarks just echoed what I had just come to terms with after reading it. Of course he tried to convince me not to go because I didn't need it, just needed to hang out with friends more...

Ironic how the roadblocks and temptations appear the second you try to fix yourself.

Thanks for the article - I printed it out.

PR

nolonger

Look around at the faces and think of the people as they were when they were slaves to drink. Then you realize that they're not anymore, that there is a choice and you can make a change! I don't think that really hit me on the first day, I was too nervous, but soon enough it did.

PurpleReign

I just got back from my meeting and really two words can sum it up...paradigm shift. Wow.

I sat there in the parking lot 20 minutes early staring that key still in the ignition just wanted to turn it and go back home because I was really not looking forward to the meeting.

I remembered a few things Taz said, go in 15 minutes early, stay 15 minutes late, and view everyone as someone that has the same disease I do. So I grabbed my Big Book and went in.

I introduced myself to few guys and took a seat, they asked me to read part of the ceremony pieces which I accepted without hesitation. Admittedly, at first I thought, what have I gotten myself into - these were guys with that were 20-30 years my senior, but then something pretty magical happened...the meeting started. As soon as it started the barriers of age quickly melted away and the wisdom and honesty come flowing from the mouths of members - it was really something I can't do justice with words. For obvious reasons I won't share personal stories, but I will share some anonymous wisdom that I learned...

1. When you share the bad, you half it, when you share the good, you double it.
2. Fear comes from worrying about things we have absolutely no control over, so give them up to God (or HP if you prefer).
3. People with 16+ years of sobriety still fight the disease every single day, but have more wisdom on how to do so than we can really give them credit for.
4. Many have heard this, "A alcoholic was in a hole and a physician walked by, the man asked him for help but the physician replied, 'it's not a medical condition.' A psychologist walked by and the man asked for help and the psychologist replied, 'It's not a mental condition.' Another alcoholic walked by and the the man asked for help, and the alcoholic climbed down into the hole with the other man and said, 'follow me I know the way out.'"
5. The meetings give us slowly what alcohol gave us quickly.

It was just a great meeting, got a willingness coin, a list of numbers, and a directory of the local meetings in town. So many people...strangers...willing to help, it was truly a gift from God. I'm already looking forward to tomorrow's meeting.

As an aside, my addict buddy called me just before I left and said, "Hey man, it's ladies eighties night at [club] tonight." He said this AFTER I told him I was going to the AA meeting. I told him, I'd love to go but don't thing going to a club after an AA meeting was in my best interest.

So two small victories today toward sobriety.

PR

socalgal

Awesome!!! I really needed some positive energy right now! Your post made me smile.
Congratulations of your first meeting!

Thanks,
Kathleen