losteverything

Okay, basically through day 3 sober now....and here at work, perhaps with too much time to think about this, but I really am starting to wonder, whats the friggin point of quitting? My quitting will not bring my wife and kids back...it wont save my house from having to be paid off for the debts...it wont keep the bills from accumulating, or my attorney phoning with yet more bad news....My quitting drinking is really like closing the barn doors after the horses have escaped..It will just be a big empty lonely space. I can quit drinking, i realize that...but if its my only friend, why would I? just to sit alone at home, with my stress, confusion, depression.....I mean, if booze actually brings some solace to your life, a bit of comfort each night, rather than sitting home drinking diet coke and watching the rest of the world go by....sobriety kinda sucks then....... All the things i have lost will never be replaced by quitting drinking...I mean, a man is entitled to a little comfort in life, right?

dobiediva

Well I'm not an alcoholic so I can't give you an answer from that point of view. But having loved (and I still love him!) and lost an alcoholic I can tell you that you still have a life to live. A NEW life. A BETTER life. Yes its hard right now but it will get better. You will meet new people, obtain new interests, develop new relationships. And they will be better and more REAL because you will be better equipped to handle them. The next woman to become the love of your life won't be driven away by your drinking and lies. You will still have debt but once you get yourself clean and sober and out of the jam your alcoholism created you will be able to start over, make better decisions and prevent this from stealing your life again. It will be YOUR life again. Not controlled by an addiction. You'll be FREE. Wouldn't that be better than numbing the problem temporarily and ultimately making it worse? Wouldn't it be better to FIX the problem so that you can heal and move on?

Nuudawn

So you'd just prefer to abandon your children and responsibility altogether by drinking yourself to death or insanity? No, you don't stop drinking and life is instantly better...there is work to be done and there is darkness to face. I am 41 days sober and I will tell you from thought of suicide in those first few days to today where the wonder of a new world of opportunity awaits. My relationship also crumbled as a result of my drinking...but now with clarity I am able to understand the "why's"...and you never know, perhaps if you stop feeling sorry for yourself and put in some work ...you still may be able to salvage yourself and your marriage in the process. There is absolutely no comparison..NO COMPARISON to the way I felt on Day 3 (I was still largely lost in madness) and the way I feel today.
Nothing changes, if nothing changes. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and fight to climb out of your self imposed misery. Get some help and support...AA,counselling...whatever....don't go down a wounded little boy...stand up and be a man and see what you can salvage.

We have all been in the darkness you stand in now...I promise you there is a way out and I GUARANTEE you is it NOT more booze.

I'm sure others will be round with softer and more compassionate answers than mine. But you have to realize you are being selfish and feeling sorry for yourself. Stand up and fight.

losteverything

thanks for that reply, but honestly, another relationship just isn't in the cards....my take home pay is 3000 per month....my Child support is 1200...add another 1100 mortgage, utilities, etc...and well, got enough left over to buy a good buzz, occasionally, but unless I find a street bum, i doubt i have enough to carry on with another relationship....lol....but it was a nice thought for awhile..

GlassPrisoner

Wreckage of your past huh ? Yeah, it catches up with you.

I've lost my house, my wife, a job, my self respect and dignity, and almost lost my two wonderful teenage daughters.

That said, it can always get worse. I'm still breathing, I used to pray for death.

I don't wake up craving a drink, desperately trying to still the shakes and settle my stomach.

When I go to sleep, I go to sleep in lieu of passing out. I don't wake at 3:00 AM with a panic attack.

I have an appetite.

I have hope, and I have a future without alcohol running(ruining) my life. I will emerge from this a better person, and help others.

dobiediva

Money has nothing to do with a real relationship. That's just another excuse to give up and not try. You aren't ready for a relationship anyway because you aren't capable of giving anything to it yet. You need to fix your problems first and learn how to deal with life and all it throws at you in a healthy way. THEN and only then will you be able to move on and look for someone to share it with. Drinking away your last penny certainly won't help!! But its not being broke that drove away your family!!

chip

Lost,

Didn't you lose much of this stuff because of drinking? Isn't your current situation a direct result of your past lifestyle choices? Drinking will always make things worse for alcoholics.

You might be at point zero right now. You can make a positive choice and move forward. That choice is to stay sober. If you start drinking again, you will not move forward. You will only go backward. Your finiancial situation alone is enough reason to stay sober. You can't afford to keep drinking at this point in your life.

You ask "what's the point?". The point is things are only going to get worse if you keep drinking. I'd bet my b*lls on that one, and that's a pretty sure bet.

With all that said, I want to tell you that I'm feeling for you. This sobriety stuff is tough. It isn't for the weak hearted. It is the roughest, toughest thing any of us can do. We become better people for doing it.

If I make good choices...good things happen. At the very least, if I make good choices, less bad stuff happens. Good stuff can't happen if I'm making bad choices. Drinking is always a bad choice for an alcoholic.
Have you tried AA?
chip

wozzek

Hey dear losteverything, rest assured, you'd receive a bunch replies on this. I was very successful as alcoholic and professional and in the culture I came from drinking is sort of manly thing, acceptable, often necessary. So I could drunk everyone under the table and continue with my professional life like nothing has happened. Not anymore, though (today’s drink would influence my Tuesday’s schedule). So why quit?

Then a friend of mine told me that the booze is like a crutch I need to go through the life, the crutch I will be buried with. Sooner than latter.

And we looked around – as addicts, we are terrified, our brain is tricking us to be horrified with the fact we are LOSING (“the friend” as you said) something, instead of embracing what we are GETTING. And there are so many things to get out of sobriety!!

Alcohol is an absolute tyrant and it requires the whole person. Nothing else should exist but the booze that drinks your essence up. If you could get away from the tyranny and throw away that crutch that lures you into losing everything for real (like your life so you’d never ever enjoy your deserved consolation in drink again) you might be able to see that there is so much beauty in this world. So many replacements for that friend of yours.

Beauty and alternatives for a drink are everywhere - in today’s Crescent Moon, in foreign cultures you might enjoy to learn about, in a bar having an ice tea and watching the TV, actually talking to the people and remembering them if you wish, in movies, books, sports, nature, life, in everything… food tastes better, everything.

And what you might get is the freedom. Freedom to finally choose, because now alcohol is chosing for you. The questions you posted here are not yours; it is your friend telling you what to do. I would question it, just for today...

CarolD

Here is the point...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...holic-parents/

Sugah

I've been told, "It's okay to sit on the pity pot once in awhile. Just remember to flush."

There is an urn full of ashes downstairs on my piano. It contains all that's left -- physically -- of my step-sons' mother. My husband felt he helped her to drink herself to death, felt the guilt and the "what's the use? I can't get her back....my kids hate me....life sucks" feelings. I didn't know him then, but I know the story well.

Me? When I got sober, I had been in a wheelchair for two years, in constant pain, having screwed up yet another relationship, and though the courts saw fit to let me keep my kids, I'd been screwed up so long, I didn't know them anymore. Any "potential" I had was drowned by the bottle and other substances that helped me do the same thing -- escape. I didn't want the responsibility of straightening out my life. And, I didn't know how much I could actually recover.

My husband didn't get his wife back. He did, slowly, repair the relationship with his (our) children. He went back to work (he'd closed his practice after his wife died so as to have more time to devote to drinking). He's active in the community again. He's happy.

I didn't find a cure for my various conditions (still in daily pain), but I did learn to walk again, did salvage what was left of that potential and return to school (I've got several publishing credits under my belt now), did get to know my children. Did a lot and gained a lot of other stuff, too...the most important being a sense of peace & purpose.

Some may tell you that your feelings right now are based in fear. Others may tell you you're lazy. Bottom line is that if you want to drink yourself to death, nobody will stop you. They may slow you down, but you'll do what you want to do. I'm thinking perhaps I should ask one of my step-sons or my husband to post and describe what it's like watching someone die of alcoholism. But....well, fear of death didn't stop me, so why should I think it will stop you?

You'll quit when the pain of drinking is greater than the pain of getting sober. Everybody has to start somewhere, and in two or three days booze-free, you can't expect to undo all the mess you've created while drinking.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Time2Surrender

BS man. Thats all entirely up to you? I lost everything!!!! In less than 2 years I have built a succesful business and aquired more than I ever had in my life. Much less ever dreamed possible. Just like my quads. Always wanted one but never imagined I could afford to buy one. Much less be able to pay cash for them. If those are the things that are important to you, you can replace them.Whats more important is being able to once again find happiness from within. Thats priceless. Anything is possible in recovery. ANYTHING!!!! It all depends on what a person chooses to do after they get sober. Simply just stop drinking and exsist, or stop drinking and work a program of recovery. Hey man, congrats on 3 days. Thats an accomplishment in itself. At least it was for me. Heck, at 6 months things still seemed pretty hopeless for me at times. Much less, 3 days. Life is about choices. You have a choice today. Either keep drinking and continue to be miserable, or surrender to your disease and go to whatever lengths are nessesary to recover and stay sober. Do that and I can pretty much quarantee in time you will see what I mean. Dont, and chances are nothing will change. It will probably only get worse. Misery or happiness? The ball is in your court now. I hope you dont rob yourself of the life you could have if your willing to do the work. Stick around here for a while. Keep posting. One day at a time, dont drink. No matter what. If I can do this, anyone can.

mikel60

"My quitting will not bring my wife and kids back...it wont save my house from having to be paid off for the debts...it wont keep the bills from accumulating, or my attorney phoning with yet more bad news...."

Are you sure? Why not give it a try? Drinking doesn't seem to be working out real well for you, does it?
Mike in Boston

leviathon

that's not the fellow I am used to hearing from. The reality is that your world will not get better as long as you drink. If you want to sink into despair and give up, that's a choice. If you want to get somewhere in life, you have to get past this low point and start taking strides forward.

Three years ago I could have cared less if I lived or died. Today I am happier than i have ever been. Had I just stuck to the "I am so unhappy, my life sucks, why not drink", I would never have found the happiness that I now have.

Just my thoughts/

Peace, Levi

501

Hey Lost,

Good work on 3 days. Now you have too much time on your hands and your alcoholic thinking is trying harder than ever to get you drunk. Find a meeting today and go to it. Get a Big Book and read and then go to another meeting. Repeat daily or more if needed. Your life is just starting! You cannot believe how easy life is when people like us quit drinking! Your "stuff" will come back. Families can be restored. Will you go to a meeting today?

earlybird

You lost your family,....because of your drinking. Your financial situation is a direct result of you NOT quitting. All you lost is BECAUSE you drink. How on earth you can make a statement like "Quitting drinking will not bring any of that back" is mind-boggling. OF COURSE it will bring it back. Besides,.....the drinking that lays ahead of you, isnt the party, goodtime, warm and fuzzy-feeling drinking. Its the "cant keep enough booze in you to ward of seizures, withdrawals, delirium tremens, hallucinations, peeing yourself (or worse), losing your job, suicidal thoughts" type drinking. You think THAT sounds better than atleast trying? Stop being an adult-baby, wallowing in your own self-pity, and be a MAN. Do something!! You already have a crap-load of "nothing" all stocked up,.....so you can finally stop doing THAT.

losteverything

Adult baby? wallowing? mmmmm, is this part of that whole non judgemental acceptance thing you learn about in AA? thanks.....can do without that...thanks for that post...

EllieB

What's the Point?

The point may be so you don't wind up in the hospital with a tube draining a gallon of yellowish fluid from a pregnant looking abdomen because your "friend" has finally closed your liver down.

The point may be so you don't wind up with neuropathy that will make your hands feel like they're on fire or your feet feel like you're walking on glass.

The point may be that you never get behind the wheel and kill people with your car.

The point may be to find that you just may have a higher power (either within yourself or "out there") that you can call on for help.

The point may be to be an example to your children of how a person can struggle against great odds and adversity and come out victorious.

There was a time in my life when I saw no point in living. My life was non-stop pain due to mental illness. Every minute of everyday (except for sleep) for months on end was hellish. I was on the verge of suicide. I saw no future except one filled with pain. Depression wants you to believe the lie "that your life will be like this forever." Depression can make you believe "there is no hope" when in reality there is always hope.

I'm here to say that I prayed even though I felt there was no God. I sought every avenue of help I could, and I let others help me. No matter what your struggle, never give up. The world is filled with pain and suffering, but also with beauty and love. If you work at it, the beauty and love can win out.

Try this...When you feel the urge to drink, run from it like it's a tiger or grizzly or the devil himself chasing you. I mean PHYSICALLY run from it. Run out of the house, down the street and keep running until you no longer feel the urge.

Try anything and everything. Alcohol to an alcoholic is no friend. It's a fiend that's out to kill you. You're in the battle for your life. Accept help from "true" friendly forces.

I see from your earlier posts that you stopped using Crack. Wow - that is great!!! You CAN be free of alcohol as well. You CAN have a new life worth living. You CAN do it!!!!

mikel60

"is this part of that whole non judgemental acceptance thing you learn about in AA? "

Who mentioned AA?

Time2Surrender

Its cool. I'll mention AA. In AA and NA, I learned people really do care about me. I didnt always feel that way. At one time I recieved simular comments. I resented that. In time, I learned they were right. Its not judgemental. Believe it or not we all care. Thats why we are taking the time to reply to your posts. I have gone back and read some of my old posts here before I got clean. Sometimes I can get a good laugh at my words, other times I find it sad to think on what I was missing out on. So, if you post a thread "Whats the point?" What do you expect?

WantsOut

Lost, I am the soon-to-be ex wife of an alcoholic. If my ex gave it up for real I might be willing to give things another chance. I still love him, but his drinking was unliveable. Impossible. I will not spend my life watching a wonderful man lay on the couch, passed out, bloated, reeking of sour beer, and snoring like the dead. Would you want to be married to that?

Go check out a website called divorcebusting. It's full of strategies on how to get your spouse back. If you engaged some of those techniques AND quit drinking, you'd probably have a chance. The beauty part is that the changes revolve around you so even if you don't fix the relationship you have still benefited from the work you did.

Don't give up on life. I have to agree with the other poster in that you're being a big freakin baby. I don't say that maliciously - you just need to understand that you're being childish. "I didn't get what I want so I'm going to hold my breath until my liver explodes!" Give it up. Give it up. Give it up. For your own sake please give it up.

written with love