kj0975

Hello everyone. I was wondering has anyone ever had such serious consequences but still keep doing what they do. Well my sister has 3 dwi's and is on probation and has a revoked liscence (sp). Last night she just got another DWI and got her car impounded. She has court tomorrow night and she has 3 daughters too. I have a feeling that she will be going to jail tomorrow and I feel helpless. I have told her that she has to admit she has a problem and tell them to give her rehab vs jail something that will help her. Even if she doesnt think she has a problem. I just feel helpless and has anyone ever had this happen any response would help me greatly. Alcoholism runs rampid in my family my dad, grandma, all my uncles and aunts on dads side so see this is a disease I think she doesnt know it yet. I thank you already as I usually post on the narcotics anymous thread. KJ

best

Sorry to say this but it is the truth... jail or rehab for her at this time may not make any difference. Once out she could return to her old self.
Jail or rehab could also be what is needed for her eyes to become opened to what she is doing to herself as well.

Till she is ready, she won't change. Taking her children from her would be seen by most as an absolute bottom that will open her eyes...we never know what will bring about the eye opening. Each person is different.
The best we can do...hope for the best and pray.
When her eyes open will be when she reaches "her" bottom. For me it was doing enough stupid things when drinking and coming to the realization that I will continue such unless I stop. The fear of repeating was my bottom.

CarolD

Prayers for all of you during this difficult situation.

Blessings

Culkein

Hi KJ: I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. Must be very painful. I'm sure you've thought about it or are already doing it but in case not ... what about Al Anon for yourself in the meantime, just to help you through. You need support too ... it's a family illness, as they say.
We alcoholics are just too ill when in the throws of our drinking to realise what pain we are causing and we don't mean to be selfish or destructive ... we just are. As people have already said, the change will come from within your sister herself if and when it does. Meanwhile, the best thing I think you cand do (just in my humble opinion) is to look after yourself and maybe through that help your sister's family. Good wishes!!!

FriendofBill

KJ-

Defendants dont get to tell the court what sentence to give them, and certianly wont do it just cus someone says Im alcoholic. By telling her that, you are teaching her how to beat her consequences, not experience them.

She obviously doesnt get that DUI is illegal, hence she continues. Well, maybe with some hard jail house time, she will get it? Isnt that what you want, is for her to GET it this time?

Doesnt matter if she has 3 kids and may go to jail....what kind of mother is she driving around drunk, maybe with them, maybe not. If she is driving drunk, then its pretty certain she is unable to parent too well at this time.

Ya gotta understand how alcoholism works in the mind. THey dont get it til it gets them....now, may I suggest you get yourself to some al-anon meetings so you can understand better how to help her and yourself, and come on over to the friends and family board here at SR. There are lots of us just like you in the same boat.

justanothrdrunk

You feel helpless because you are helpless. And that's okay. Accept that there is nothing you can do that will change another person's behavior.

In order for someone to change their behavior, they have to change their beliefs. But that change can only come from within.

There's nothing you can do. You are powerless over your sister (and everyone else in this world).

kj0975

Thanks everyone. I have gone to al anon meeting for my father. I mentioned I was from the nar anon, substance abuse board...... I am a recovering addict...... I just dont understand the alcoholism I mean I do cause it is in my entire family and I have seen it all. I know she has to hit bottom I guess I was just looking for more information like what was everyones rock bottom when did you realize you had trouble with alcohol. Everyone has their bottom I did. Maybe its the same for every addiction I didnt know that. So thanks for all your help here. :kidding: KJ

cubbie

KJ,

I too have been arrested for DWI 3 times. The court case for the 3rd offense is pending. The sad thing is that all 3 times I don't remember getting in the car and turning the key. I was cocky after the 1st time. I just chalked it up to bad luck. After the 2nd one, I tried to hide the car keys from myself before I went out drinking. That worked for about 4 years. This past summer, I blacked out almost every time I drank. One night, I didn't hide my keys and I drove again. I can't believe myself. My alcoholism has caused me and my family (parents and brother) much pain and anguish. I am only 1 month sober. That is not a huge feat, but I haven't gone a whole month without drinking since high school (12 years ago). I know I will not drink again. I just need to get help for all my other issues. Anway, my attorney told me it was possible to substitute inpatient treatment for jail time. That may be an option for your sister. If she is anything like me, she really needs help. I am just fortunate that I don't have a family of my own to see me in my condition.

kj0975

Thank you so much for that. That is more what I was looking for. She is looking into inpatient treatment for 7 days and then aa meetings and counceling. I really think she needs the counceling that would help her the best I really think she drinks to hide her depression and emotions. One month is a huge accomplishment in the eye of addiction so be proud of your self. Thanks again for your kind insight you have really helped me. Yes we are looking into rehab rather than jail she is remorseful she didnt have her kids and she was not in the frame of mind she thought she was to drive. You loose common sence at some point. I know I have done my fair share of stupid things. SO congrats and thanks again that really helped me alot. KJ

best

The things we can learn at AA can be very helpful as well.
AA steps work to treat the whole person, not just help us stop using alcohol.

If she works the steps, she will find change.

aasharon90

It took my family to step in to help me when i couldnt help myself. After a horrible accident in Feb.90 where i ran off the road hitting a concrete culvert sitting on top the ground....taken away in the EMS truck....which im sad that i dont remember but it was the ride of my life....sending me to the hospital to save my life after one of the numerous broken ribs punctured my spleen....I spent 10 with them removing my spleen are i would have bled to death....

After healing nicely , just with in a few months i was right back out there drinking....ud think id learned my lesson....i didnt....the progression of my disease was sooo rapid that inAug. 90 i tried to end my misery....that was when my family stepped in and did for me what i couldnt do for myself....

They recieved a court order to have me picked up by the police and taken to rehab where i spent 28 days in patiant and upon release i attened a 6 week extensive outpatiant aftercare program where i picked up the tools and knowledge to set me on the path of recovery to stay sober one day at a time.

Today....16 yrs later, im still applying what was taught to me and so freely given to me sharing my ESH with whom ever whats to hear it.

Thank you for letting me share here.

leviathon

In AA, I believe this type of thinking is called "stinkin' thinkin'" You keep doing the same old and get the same results but expect not too - define insanity please... seems to be this...

To be honest, alcoholism causes you to do all kinds of things despite knowing they are incredibly bad for you and despite knowing there are consequences. You get so caught up in "needing" that drink that you just can't let it go. It is really awful. The reality is that you don't need the alcohol, you just think you do.

In terms of court ordered treatment, it only works where the person truly wants it to work. It is totally useless unless she admits she has a problem AND she wants help with it. If that is not the case, perhaps jail is more suitable as she will have enforced sobriety and have to really take a hard look at herself to see why she is in where she is at.

Peace, Levi

kj0975

Thank you Sharon for sharing with me dont thank me thank you. Levi too. I really appreciate you guys opening up to me and sharing what it took for you to get help. I know how hard it is. I think she has come to terms with her problem and is seeking rehab on her own as this is her bottom. Although this is awful this might have been what she needed to realize that she does have a problem maybe and hopefully this was her bottom. As she had to hit it on her own and realize it herself that she has no control and does not think while she is drinking. Which at some point I think we all have to come to that conclusion in order to get the help. So I thank you guys very much you have given me some great insight and knowledge. KJ