KittenEyes

I'm new...

Uhm, why is it that I can't seem to stop myself from reaching for a bottle...? I've already promised my boyfriend (who lives four states away) that I won't dirnk anymore. Then I did, but didn't tell him. He's worries because he doesn't want it mixing with my meds... But why can't I just stop???

What can I do instead??? And once I have one drink, I can't help but have another, and another, and another, and so on... And I always get really depressed and suicidal, I'm shocked I haven't done something really bad by now... Any advice???

Thanks

CarolD

Welcome to SR!


Have you talked to your doctor about your drinking patterns?
As you are taking meds this is a wise thing to do.

I use AA to live sober..that works very well for me.

Blessings..

aasharon90

Welcome to SR.

My name is Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
By the Grace of my hP and people like
you here in SR I havent had a drink
of alcohol since 8-11-90. For that im
truely grateful.

Have you heard of this word before?

POWERLESS?

It was a word i learned in early recovery
when i found out that i was POWERLESS
over just about everything in my life.
especially Alcohol.

I tried so many times to quit like you
but i was POWERLESS. And then ...
look at ur life....is it UNMANAGABLE?

Mine was..especially out of control.
As much as i tried to control my drinking
I couldnt..it got out of hand many many
times.

In my situation, my family stepped in and
did an intervention on me. Back in Feb 90
i had a horrible accident coming home
from a club of fun, dancing, excitement
that i never wanted to end.....ran off
the road and hit a concret culvert sitting
on top the ground in some construction
less than a mile away from my home.

I spent 10 in the hospital where they
removed my spleen are i would have bled
to death. I healed nicely thinking..ok thats it...
this was my wake up call....no more drinking...

Right? WRONG.... After i healed nicely
i returned to the bottle, the club and to
another night with a horrible arguement
that was the icing on the cake. Enough
was enough.....so i was ready to end this
miserable life and check out.

The next day my family stepped in and
called for help and guidance to help me.

The police came to pick me up like a
criminal as i felt...a mom, wife...my 2
little children whom i love...cars, house,
everything to make a wonderful life.

My family did for me what i couldnt do
for myself....today im truely grateful
for them. I spent 28 days in rehab
recieveing the tools and knowledge of
recovery to set me on the path of learn-
ing how to stay sober one day at a time.

It is possible to put the plug in the jug...

Here's another good word in recovery I
learned....WILLINGNESS....The willlingness
to go to any lengths suggested to help me
stay sober.....

I wanted to stay sober more than
anything esp. so they would send me
away to a halfway house away from my
family.

While in treatment....my spouse removed
all the liquor from the house..... ALL of
it....If it was there then the temptation
to drink would be there esp. if i got ticked
off at something or someone.....whatever
reasons there was to drink.....alcohol
would not be there....and thus i had to
rely on the tools provided to me in recovery.

Heres a few things that can get ur foot
in the door of recovery if ur WILLING...

Remove ALL Alcohol from ur home....

Find ur AA meetings near ur home and
as a suggestion only to try making 90
meeting sin 90 days....

Walk in the doors, let those caring
understanding people know u r new
and youd like help....They will gladly
help u....

We all had to crawl first in recovery
before we could walk....so be patiant
with urself and all others to help u
right now...

If u need more guidance and help please
dont hesitate to ask the many warm caring
members here in SR.

One Step and one Day at a time.

Thanks for letting me share.

FriendofBill

The answer to "Why cant I" is:

the same reason I cannot make a cancerouse tumor shrink itself and disappear. No power over alcoholism. No human power can relieve the obsession to drink.

AA offers solutions, life and sincere hope.

Hope you go and get some of thier pamplets and attend some meetings. It will help. You are not alone.

paulmh

Hiya. It sounds very familiar, your drinking and suffering. I identified particularly with the deceit, with telling people I loved that I wouldn't do it and then carrying on, except that meant with an added dash of shame and guilt. ******, isn't it. Thing is, if you have a problematic realtionship with drink, I think we can all pretty much guarantee that it'll get worse. So well done for taking it seriously enough to come here. There are lots of resources for helipng people successfully abstain. Pick one and be wholehearted about it.

Good luck!

Ten Chips Down

Hi Kitten,

"I always get really depressed and suicidal, I'm shocked I haven't done something really bad by now... Any advice???"

Well with a line that, of course the only sensible first line of advice is to inform your doctor and get help through the first avenue that presents itself.

As to your "why" - pfft, hell if I know. Seriously, this alcohol-"ism" is just one mysterious addiction that does not seem to run any predictable course nor follow any uniform trend from person to person.

For me it was mental obsession coupled with a physical addiction. I would shake the damned addiction for few weeks or even months but couldn't for the life of me shake the obsession!

AA was not the answer for me, but for many it is. Taking real action and telling your docs is imperative, Kitten: Don't just gaze in wonder at the "powerlessness thing" and then go right back to doing it. You gotta take action babe.

TCD