AA - Chips and Sponsor Q's
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 182
I answered your question and forgot to say congrats on the 30 days! That thirty day chip is so important because the contrast between the old you and the new you is so vivid and fresh in your mind.
Congratulations,
Oh happy day.
Congratulations,
Oh happy day.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Congrats on 30 days 6439guy! 
As for whether to pick your chip up on day 30 or day 31, either is fine. Seriously, either is fine...whichever one you're more comfortable with. As for the "naysayers" who may have doubted your commitment, try to remember that most likely their comments were based on past experiences with people making future commitments while still drinking. I'd say the fact that you kept your commitment in that scenario makes you the exception rather than the rule.
As for getting a sponsor I would ask you how soon you want to start working the steps and have the problem removed? Also remember that you don't have to sign a contract to get a sponsor. If you get one and it turns out it's not a good fit you can ask someone else. I asked a guy to be my sponsor after about 2 weeks of going to meetings. Over the next 3 months we worked the first 3 steps together, but I felt we were moving too slow. I talked to him about it and he seemed reluctant to change his "one step a month" method so I ended up asking someone else I had gotten to know over that time if he would take me through the steps.
I thanked my first sponsor for helping me through the first 3 steps, switched to this other person who's philosophy was to let the sponsee dictate the pace, and I was well into making my amends within a month. Both guys were good sponsors and good guys who worked solid programs, but the first guy could only give me about an hour of his time a week and the 2nd guy was retired and could give me as much of his time as I wanted.
As for whether to pick your chip up on day 30 or day 31, either is fine. Seriously, either is fine...whichever one you're more comfortable with. As for the "naysayers" who may have doubted your commitment, try to remember that most likely their comments were based on past experiences with people making future commitments while still drinking. I'd say the fact that you kept your commitment in that scenario makes you the exception rather than the rule.As for getting a sponsor I would ask you how soon you want to start working the steps and have the problem removed? Also remember that you don't have to sign a contract to get a sponsor. If you get one and it turns out it's not a good fit you can ask someone else. I asked a guy to be my sponsor after about 2 weeks of going to meetings. Over the next 3 months we worked the first 3 steps together, but I felt we were moving too slow. I talked to him about it and he seemed reluctant to change his "one step a month" method so I ended up asking someone else I had gotten to know over that time if he would take me through the steps.
I thanked my first sponsor for helping me through the first 3 steps, switched to this other person who's philosophy was to let the sponsee dictate the pace, and I was well into making my amends within a month. Both guys were good sponsors and good guys who worked solid programs, but the first guy could only give me about an hour of his time a week and the 2nd guy was retired and could give me as much of his time as I wanted.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,171
I don't think it makes any difference when you get your chip. Our local group had a monthly Birthday Friday on the last Friday of every month, where everyone having a birthday that month was given a chip and some kind words by a friend or sponsor, but then a couple of malcontents decided to secede from the nightly meetings and start their own group where they were giving out chips whenever. They disagreed with Birthday Friday and the rest of the local AA format, because they said people needed their chips right away, but I think the two guys just wanted to monkey wrench the rest of the meetings and be the official passer-outers of chips, and indeed our joyful Birthday Friday ended, and a couple of years later Friday night (our biggest meeting of the week) disbanded altogether. Maybe it would have happened anyway, as I've heard that meetings in that town have pretty much dried up and died out, including the one started by the rebels.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
DriGuy, you are killing me with the rebel faction story. And it's totally believable - AA is really one of the best circus acts in town in some ways... 
least....that is such a cool present! My one year chip was pink and gold, because pink is my fave color of course, and I made a neat shadow box thing w that and pics of the day. My other chips are in a little pouch on our dresser in the closet and I see it all the time!
Oh, and I'm probably weird here bc I haven't heard anyone else say this...I never got a white chip. I didn't want to get up there but more, I knew I was DONE. I was in AA for good and I simply don't have a white chip in me. It made sense in my still drunken brain (so to speak) and now I kinda love that part of my story.
Btw, cakes freak me out a little.
least....that is such a cool present! My one year chip was pink and gold, because pink is my fave color of course, and I made a neat shadow box thing w that and pics of the day. My other chips are in a little pouch on our dresser in the closet and I see it all the time!
Oh, and I'm probably weird here bc I haven't heard anyone else say this...I never got a white chip. I didn't want to get up there but more, I knew I was DONE. I was in AA for good and I simply don't have a white chip in me. It made sense in my still drunken brain (so to speak) and now I kinda love that part of my story.
Btw, cakes freak me out a little.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
"With so many great "candidates" (I use that word lightly) out there, I worry about picking the one that's "best" for me and my recovery. "
maybe look at yourself some more with/about this.
and yeah, it makes sense to me in the sense that i did the same, wanted the "best" for me, but then , after months of deliberating, finally asked someone i had not even ever really considered, who turned out to be perfect for me.
my idea of needing the "best" bothered me, actually. but i sure was attached to it
the best was the person who had a decent, integrated life, knew their step stuff, had had the "results" promised from the program, and was available and willing to help. and just happened to be standing next to me one evening.
maybe look at yourself some more with/about this.
and yeah, it makes sense to me in the sense that i did the same, wanted the "best" for me, but then , after months of deliberating, finally asked someone i had not even ever really considered, who turned out to be perfect for me.
my idea of needing the "best" bothered me, actually. but i sure was attached to it
the best was the person who had a decent, integrated life, knew their step stuff, had had the "results" promised from the program, and was available and willing to help. and just happened to be standing next to me one evening.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
oh: there is a good pamphlet on questions re sponsorship available from AA.
most meetings should have it, or here:
https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
most meetings should have it, or here:
https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 101
Originally Posted by least 
I went to AA my first year sober and this is what a friend made for me from my monthly and then one-year chips.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 101
Originally Posted by fini
"With so many great "candidates" (I use that word lightly) out there, I worry about picking the one that's "best" for me and my recovery. "
maybe look at yourself some more with/about this.
and yeah, it makes sense to me in the sense that i did the same, wanted the "best" for me, but then , after months of deliberating, finally asked someone i had not even ever really considered, who turned out to be perfect for me.
my idea of needing the "best" bothered me, actually. but i sure was attached to it
the best was the person who had a decent, integrated life, knew their step stuff, had had the "results" promised from the program, and was available and willing to help. and just happened to be standing next to me one evening.
maybe look at yourself some more with/about this.
and yeah, it makes sense to me in the sense that i did the same, wanted the "best" for me, but then , after months of deliberating, finally asked someone i had not even ever really considered, who turned out to be perfect for me.
my idea of needing the "best" bothered me, actually. but i sure was attached to it
the best was the person who had a decent, integrated life, knew their step stuff, had had the "results" promised from the program, and was available and willing to help. and just happened to be standing next to me one evening.
Oh, and thanks for the link to the literature on sponsors, I will definitely take a look
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 101
Originally Posted by Grungehead
Sorry about that 5329guy, I guess my left hand was misplaced on the keyboard when I typed the numbers of your name.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 700
When I get approached, I always say the same thing. Doing the action of the steps is what will save your life. I will just play a small role and walk with you in that process. I will always tell you the truth.. even if you don't want to hear it. Lastly, sobriety is your responsibility. Succeed or fail its on you. If they agree, then I'm all in.
In my opinion that is the main role of a sponsor.
In my opinion that is the main role of a sponsor.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
How's it going 5329? Sponsor status? 
Also...I'd add that my first sponsor was about as unlike me as you can get. On the surface, and as personality goes and...you know what? She was a disciplinarian, taught me rigor around my program that I still do today (I often share how I do the same 5 things every morning, and the first couple stemmed from her instructions), and I learned about the program, plus details and history, doing the first 164 p and steps 1-3 with her.
I had also gotten to know folks in what became my homegroup (very different than the big clubhouse where I started out, and where I met my first sponsor) and ended up breaking up with my first and asking my second for doing 4-12. My second sponsor and I had a much more intuitive connection for working our programs, and she was invaluable to me as I learned to apply the steps to living my best life. For a few significant reasons, around my 3 yr mark this past Feb, I decided to move to my current sponsors. As it turns out, that was a HP wink for sure, because she is a perfect guiding light for where I am now in this 4th year.
Lots of reasons for a sponsor and the key things - get one, have one, and become one.
Also...I'd add that my first sponsor was about as unlike me as you can get. On the surface, and as personality goes and...you know what? She was a disciplinarian, taught me rigor around my program that I still do today (I often share how I do the same 5 things every morning, and the first couple stemmed from her instructions), and I learned about the program, plus details and history, doing the first 164 p and steps 1-3 with her.
I had also gotten to know folks in what became my homegroup (very different than the big clubhouse where I started out, and where I met my first sponsor) and ended up breaking up with my first and asking my second for doing 4-12. My second sponsor and I had a much more intuitive connection for working our programs, and she was invaluable to me as I learned to apply the steps to living my best life. For a few significant reasons, around my 3 yr mark this past Feb, I decided to move to my current sponsors. As it turns out, that was a HP wink for sure, because she is a perfect guiding light for where I am now in this 4th year.
Lots of reasons for a sponsor and the key things - get one, have one, and become one.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 94
The rules! There are no rules.
Originally Posted by Grungehead
Congrats on 30 days 6439guy! As for whether to pick your chip up on day 30 or day 31, either is fine. Seriously, either is fine...whichever one you're more comfortable with.
As for whether to pick your chip up on day 30 or day 31, either is fine. Seriously, either is fine...whichever one you're more comfortable with.'you can't have a chip until tomorrow because THIS is day 30 and you have to WAIT until day 31" are the more off-putting parts of AA that drive people straight out the door. I'm all for AA but in certain groups the rules are bullyish and harmful.
If someone wants (or is in need of) a chip, who am I/you/ANYONE them to wait. It might be the only tangible thing they have to hold on to until the oh-so-important tomorrow.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
^I meant third sponsor above, singular.
Ali - great point- and I learned at my 2 yr that the day itself is WAY more important to me than anyone else, even those closest to me. I'm also that way about my physical bdays, other people's bday (I have an oddly good recollection of these), On The Actual Holiday and so on. What matters re sobriety is my bday - and today. Sometimes a random number like 1,155 (I just counted) is more important bc it is today.
Ali - great point- and I learned at my 2 yr that the day itself is WAY more important to me than anyone else, even those closest to me. I'm also that way about my physical bdays, other people's bday (I have an oddly good recollection of these), On The Actual Holiday and so on. What matters re sobriety is my bday - and today. Sometimes a random number like 1,155 (I just counted) is more important bc it is today.
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