sugarbear1

Sounds like that woman has some personal issues.

Can you find someone else to sponsor you, someone who can get you through all of those steps?

Gottalife

Hey Fluffer,
I like your quote: "Having made what you know to be the correct decision, never ever question that decision." - Allen Carr

That's exactly what I did with step 3.

BlueFairy

Yeah I never did but because of the 'secret' facebook club that was connected to the group that she went to she friended me on facebook. So--I posted the usual political stuff, probably more than most people I know but as I say, I'm very active in her campaign even so far as to run for delegate this time around.

BlueFairy

I read Allen Carr's book and credit that for taking away most of my desire to drink. Because I don't have these cravings my ex-sponsor said I could never get through step one with her. I went to a meeting last night and a lady said she doesn't have the urge to drink either. Alot of people thought it was important to work the program still as you kind of have to re-learn to live life. The process helps with that. There were 3 ladies who gave me their number last night so I think I'll keep going to that meeting. I did tell one lady I thought I needed to hang back just a little while. I don't want to make another bad choice too soon.

BlueFairy

Thanks everyone. Doing much better now it was just the shock of it. I'm well used to rejection--seems to be almost a daily thing in my life lol. I'm thinking at this point what I should be looking for is what they call a "double winner" to help me with the alanon and aa steps both.

entropy1964

There are two sides to every coin. But you're the one posting so, your side it is!

I can understand being upset but try to let it go. Find another sponsor and keep moving forward with step 4...I wouldn't stay stuck there. Find someone that has what you want and keep it to the task at hand, the steps. I try to always remember, principles before personalities.

I would only suggest you review your side in this interaction to see if there is anything you might learn. What other people think doesn't really matter.

Onward and upward.

paulokes

If you can identify better witha "double winner" that makes perfect sense to me

Well done for reaching out to other folks at a different meeting. Just remember not to "hang back" for too long...you could be short changing yourself

P

Gottalife

People often get a period of grace in early sobriety. I call it the window of opportunity and willingness (WOW.) It could last a week or a year, no one knows, but the obsession will be gone, giving a great opportunity to get on with the program. I got started straight away and the WOW never left.

But if we squander it, the window will eventually close and the obsession return.

It doesn't say anywhere in the big book that we have to have cravings in sobriety to take step one. That is nonsense. In fact, once the alcohol is out of our system, 3-5 days, we cannot have the alcoholic craving. We are left with the obsession.

Step one was a no brainer for me. It didn't require any effort. In fact I had taken it before I came to AA. I could reaffirm it by going through the Doctor's Opinion and More About Alcoholism and honestly asking myself if what they were saying matched my experience. Then I would reach the first step direction: "We learned that we had to concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic" yes or no? The delusion that we are like other people or presently maybe has to be smashed. yes or no?

There is the first step in a nutshell. A no brainer. I didn't need convincing. I know what the problem is, and so do you. I betcha this is a case of "my (her)sponsor says..." as opposed to what the book says.

Time2Rise

You had a bad sponsor IMO; I'm sure you can find someone who is more competent.

BlueFairy

I had that kind of 'wrong' feeling when I asked her. She asked me if I had a sponsor and I kind of hinted I'd ask her but I knew she already was sponsoring someone else. So she ended up being my sponsor. I am notoriously picky as a person about everything though. I don't know if I'll ever find anyone I really click with. Too young, too conservative, too liberal, not very educated seeming, too educated, I dunno--probably never just right porridge for me. I will keep that principle before personality thing in my head though. I think I would like an older lady this time one who has maybe seen and done it all type :-) Jeez I feel like I'm dating.

sugarbear1

My picker was broken. It doesn't matter if you click. What matters is if the person has worked the steps, had a spiritual change, who lives the principles and who spends time guiding others through the steps.

Gottalife

That's it in a nutshell. The only qualification a sponsor should have is to have had a spiritual awakening as the result of working all 12 steps as laid out in the Big Book of AA. And their only job is to show you how to have your own experience.

Gottalife

I forgot to mention a secret way in which you can be sure your sponsor is leading you in the right direction. Get a copy of the Big Book and study the first 164 pages. You will soon see if you are on the right track.

uncorked

Wait, what?
That is so crazy. Why do you feel the need to defend yourself to someone who clearly has a few bricks short of a load? I'd say thanks but no thanks. Next! You are the expert on yourself. She isn't. You don't need to justify any of your feelings to her. Does she have a degree in addiction? In drug and alcohol counseling? Is she a doctor? Then, no. Sounds like she's on a power trip. There are other ways to help you live a sober life aside from AA.

WMJ1012

This is why we don't bring politics into recovery. Recovery is way too serious a business.
The steps are not for discussing or figuring things out. They're for working. Soothe question is, are you really willing to work the steps ?
If so, ask God to bring you a sponsor who has a solution.

GnikNus

I'm in your neck of the woods, and I've seen the same thing.