Feeling a tad funky
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 46
Feeling a tad funky
I feel funky. Not happy, not sad--Just funky. Like I don't know whether to get a haircut or buy a dog kinda funky. Someone else recently was in the same spot and I told them that it was OK. Sometimes life is funky. Early sobrierty is hard (PS seventy days here) and to hold on and it will pass.
Now when I tell someone something I really believe it. But today, I'm not sure if I was lying. I'm sure I really wasn't--but geesh--would it please pass already. I have things to do and moments to enjoy and I don't like feeling this way.
Went to a meeting last night, felt great. I love to go to meetings. I go to 5 or 6 a week. I go early, stay late and really enjoy them. I forget sometimes how to translate that joy into my daily life. My praying lately has been non fluid. I keep going, I know it will change. Been thinking a lot about the past--not feeling bad about it, just thinking and remembering. No big issues here than a pile of funk on my soul.
I am grateful for what has been happening, notice I said am grateful--yet I don;t feel grateful. The alki in me wan'ts to turn this into some sort of emergency--when it probabaly isn't.
It'd be nice to know I'm not that different, and that someone out there in Bill W. Land that I haven't met is thinking about me, and wishing me well.
Meg
Now when I tell someone something I really believe it. But today, I'm not sure if I was lying. I'm sure I really wasn't--but geesh--would it please pass already. I have things to do and moments to enjoy and I don't like feeling this way.
Went to a meeting last night, felt great. I love to go to meetings. I go to 5 or 6 a week. I go early, stay late and really enjoy them. I forget sometimes how to translate that joy into my daily life. My praying lately has been non fluid. I keep going, I know it will change. Been thinking a lot about the past--not feeling bad about it, just thinking and remembering. No big issues here than a pile of funk on my soul.
I am grateful for what has been happening, notice I said am grateful--yet I don;t feel grateful. The alki in me wan'ts to turn this into some sort of emergency--when it probabaly isn't.
It'd be nice to know I'm not that different, and that someone out there in Bill W. Land that I haven't met is thinking about me, and wishing me well.
Meg
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 110
Hi Meg - James here, fellow upstater, alki/pothead etcetera
The sentence which I hate most in the entire English language is "This to shall pass". So far, I've found that it applies equally well to the good moods and the bad moods.
I don't know what your experience has been so far, but I didn't hit any real hard spots until a bit over 60 days sober - then I hit the roller coaster. The bad days on the roller coaster were quite a bit worse than "funky", so if all you hit are funky days you are doing just fine.
I won't tell you that you're "right where you're supposed to be", because I find that one almost as irritating as "This to...". I will say a prayer for you, and I can offer one sure antidote - if you have the opportunity, spend some time talking to a newcomer. It helps you as much as it helps them.
The sentence which I hate most in the entire English language is "This to shall pass". So far, I've found that it applies equally well to the good moods and the bad moods.
I don't know what your experience has been so far, but I didn't hit any real hard spots until a bit over 60 days sober - then I hit the roller coaster. The bad days on the roller coaster were quite a bit worse than "funky", so if all you hit are funky days you are doing just fine.
I won't tell you that you're "right where you're supposed to be", because I find that one almost as irritating as "This to...". I will say a prayer for you, and I can offer one sure antidote - if you have the opportunity, spend some time talking to a newcomer. It helps you as much as it helps them.
we're all mad here!
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: a padded room with bars
Posts: 1,681
Meg...
I know where you've been, go there on a regular basis.
Like Steve, I'm not going to utter the "This too..." sentence, cuz when I'm in a funk it always makes me want to
someone.
I was OK in my recovery until I hit that 2 month period too. That's when the rollercoaster started. I am going to say that I'm able to ride out the funk days. I'm riding one out today.
Just know you are not alone and I'm thinking about you.
I know where you've been, go there on a regular basis.
Like Steve, I'm not going to utter the "This too..." sentence, cuz when I'm in a funk it always makes me want to
someone.I was OK in my recovery until I hit that 2 month period too. That's when the rollercoaster started. I am going to say that I'm able to ride out the funk days. I'm riding one out today.
Just know you are not alone and I'm thinking about you.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 689
((Meg)) I often feel a bit beyond funky. I get depressed for no particular reason. Then I get grouchy and take it out on others. I easily forget the gifts I have recieved and how greatful I am for a sober life today.
**Wishing you well**
**Wishing you well**
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Meg,
I remember hitting the funkies at 60 days too, also at 6 months, and at 9 months. When nine months was getting close, I had been going to meetings long enough that I really believed what people in the program told me, so when they said to watch out for nine months, I added an extra meeting. It worked. I remember thinking later "I don't see what the big deal about nine months was..." forgetting that I had done just what others who had been through it told me to do.
I just hit 2 years Friday and yesterday I got my 2 year N.A. key tag (gosh I look good in black) from the very first group I ever attended. As I was driving home, I felt... funky! I think it was kind of a post celebration let down perhaps. I won't say the dreaded saying but I will add this quote from a favorite movie of mine:
"Wagon Train's a really cool show, but have you ever noticed they don't really get anywhere? They just keep on wagon-training."
Gordie LaChance, "Stand By Me"
Sometimes, I get impatient that recovery is a process that never ends.
Jah Bless
I remember hitting the funkies at 60 days too, also at 6 months, and at 9 months. When nine months was getting close, I had been going to meetings long enough that I really believed what people in the program told me, so when they said to watch out for nine months, I added an extra meeting. It worked. I remember thinking later "I don't see what the big deal about nine months was..." forgetting that I had done just what others who had been through it told me to do.
I just hit 2 years Friday and yesterday I got my 2 year N.A. key tag (gosh I look good in black) from the very first group I ever attended. As I was driving home, I felt... funky! I think it was kind of a post celebration let down perhaps. I won't say the dreaded saying but I will add this quote from a favorite movie of mine:
"Wagon Train's a really cool show, but have you ever noticed they don't really get anywhere? They just keep on wagon-training."
Gordie LaChance, "Stand By Me"
Sometimes, I get impatient that recovery is a process that never ends.
Jah Bless
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 46
Keep on keeping on
The wagon train thing hit me like a ton of bricks. Funny though, I have actually never been hit by a brick let alone a ton of them. I don;t think I would laugh as much as I did about the "LaChance" quote.
One Word
Thanks
Meg
One Word
Thanks
Meg
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 46
I went to a meeting last night. There was a guy from Detox there. He didn't look to good. I truly felt for the guy. Hearing him, and someone else who had real problems helped me unearth some of the whys of the funk I'm feeling. I'm working hard to get sober, and now I am void of a little drama. Yikes it hurts to admit that, but I'm packing lunches and gassing up my car all in relative serenity and no major foul ups. This is what I wanted. This is still what I want. I just have to learn to deal with everyday life.
You guys are very supportive, someone said to me last night--"What do you want a parade every day?" Well No actually I hate parades. But I needed to hear that, because it's time for me to grow up ( at 40) and live life on lifes terms.
Example of drama--->>>I wanted to something "good" so naturally I thought "Well I'll become a bone marrow donor" This is not an easy process, and it hurts. But won't I look like Saint Margaret putting myself through that for the poor kids with leukemia. Well as it turns out, I can't be a donor--can't even give blood.
I have these grandiose plans and don't realize that I can do good in my small way. I could put a couple of bucks in the no fees basket at a meeting. That's sure a worthy cause. I can give rides home to people at meetings, I can even put some laundry soap in the food pantry at church (they need it). Heres a really good one, I could be nice to every one at work--I can stop and smile when I buy a pack of smokes to the guy at work, I can be zippy to the doorman at my office, and I can say hey hows it going and mean it to my coworkers. These are the small things I need to do, and I need to do them quietly.
Please don't get me wrong, of you can be a BM donor--please do it, but I think God has other plans for me. I don't think I'll be curing anything or saving toddlers from burning buildings but I hope that when I die people will say, that Meg she sure a was a nice lady. (THere's the drama again "When I die....)
Have a good one folks
Meg
You guys are very supportive, someone said to me last night--"What do you want a parade every day?" Well No actually I hate parades. But I needed to hear that, because it's time for me to grow up ( at 40) and live life on lifes terms.
Example of drama--->>>I wanted to something "good" so naturally I thought "Well I'll become a bone marrow donor" This is not an easy process, and it hurts. But won't I look like Saint Margaret putting myself through that for the poor kids with leukemia. Well as it turns out, I can't be a donor--can't even give blood.
I have these grandiose plans and don't realize that I can do good in my small way. I could put a couple of bucks in the no fees basket at a meeting. That's sure a worthy cause. I can give rides home to people at meetings, I can even put some laundry soap in the food pantry at church (they need it). Heres a really good one, I could be nice to every one at work--I can stop and smile when I buy a pack of smokes to the guy at work, I can be zippy to the doorman at my office, and I can say hey hows it going and mean it to my coworkers. These are the small things I need to do, and I need to do them quietly.
Please don't get me wrong, of you can be a BM donor--please do it, but I think God has other plans for me. I don't think I'll be curing anything or saving toddlers from burning buildings but I hope that when I die people will say, that Meg she sure a was a nice lady. (THere's the drama again "When I die....)
Have a good one folks
Meg
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
(((Meg)))
Thank you for this thread. I've been in a "funk" myself lately. I can't quite put my finger on it. I can't explain it away. I'm coming up on 90 days. I should be happy I haven't drank, but feel depressed at times. I feel like I'm in limbo. It's reassuring to know I'm not the only one strugging with these emotions.
Thank you James for stating the fact that you hate certain phrases. There are several that make me want to scream everytime I hear them. They really bug me and I wonder why I would let such a insignificant thing get the best of me, but certain repetative phrases make me crazy.
Talia (LeAnne)
Thank you for this thread. I've been in a "funk" myself lately. I can't quite put my finger on it. I can't explain it away. I'm coming up on 90 days. I should be happy I haven't drank, but feel depressed at times. I feel like I'm in limbo. It's reassuring to know I'm not the only one strugging with these emotions.
Thank you James for stating the fact that you hate certain phrases. There are several that make me want to scream everytime I hear them. They really bug me and I wonder why I would let such a insignificant thing get the best of me, but certain repetative phrases make me crazy.
Talia (LeAnne)
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