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Antidote For Fear

As Faith Grows,So Does Inner Security.
The Vast Underlying Fear Of Nothingness Commences To Subside.
We Of A.A. Find That Our Basic Antidote For Fear Is A Spiritual Awakening. Grapevine 1962

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I love this quote!! I remember feeling that my faith in "anything" was so feeble. I'd even lost faith in myself because all the best I could come up with got me sitting in my living room, looking at the true picture of who I was, what I'd become and realizing that I put myself there. Jerry, my first sponsor told me to just try believing in something greater than I was. Didn't matter what "it" was, just try. So in my own inadequate way, I started by just asking for help to stay sober just for today. Then, at night saying thanks. No big deal. I just did it. After a couple months I realized that it had been a while since I'd even thought about drinking. That in itself was a spiritual awakening for me. I remember feeling like I was at a high school homecoming game and I was sitting on one side of the field by myself and everyone else was on the other side. As time past, I started to feel like I was on the other side with everyone else. My own physical, emotional, and mental spirit; my soul if you will, started to feel reborn. I started to gain some confidence in myself and the people around me. My own "soul spirit" was beginning to lift up and that was the start. Why was this all happening?? Where did I get the desire to stop drinking? Where did I get the willingness to do what was required to reach the point I was at? I had to admit that it wasn't all my doing. I know I hadn't reached rock bottom because I heard from others, things that I hadn't done "yet." So, I knew I could go down further if I chose to. Where was I getting the desire to stop drinking? The desire had to be coming from the "power greater than myself" that I'd been asking for help. Next March, I'll be sober 28 years and since about September of 1978 when I was faced with the decision of whether or not to drink, and I tried praying, I've never again been tried, tempted, or tested in any way. The thought that a drink might make things better, just hasn't been an option.

Today, I have that inner peace and feeling of secuity that I can go anywhere and do anything without having to fear the temptation to take a drink. However, in all honesty, I know I'm not cured. I don't know if there is something that could make me think that a drink would be a good idea. I don't know if there's something that would make me drink, so I continue to go to meetings and talk to my sponsor. I'm not as active in AA as I was 28 years ago. I think the AA program gives us the "power" to ween ourselves somewhat so we don't have to substitue an addiction to AA for the need to drink. I'm at peace with my past because I've worked through the steps and continue to try to be the best I can be on a daily basis.

The problem as I see it today is that a lot of people don't stick around AA long enough for the miricle to work. I love AA and there's nobody I'd rather be around than a bunch of drunks at a meeting. Laughing, crying and talking about "what happened, what it was like, and how it is today." If I don't stick around, all I can talk about is what happened, and what happened, and what happened. Until I take the time to work the steps and stay sober for a while, I can't talk about what it was like, and how it is today.

My prayer today is that people who want to stop drinking, get to AA and stick around for the miricle to work for them. If the miricle can work for me, it can work for anyone.