michaelg

Yesterday I confronted one of my greatest fears. A bonafide phobia actually. Getting shots at the dentist. I evaded dental care for almost two decades when I was still active in my disease. Then, with a tooth falling apart, my wife mentioned they now had "sedation dentistry". Where they would hop me up on sedatives and give me nitrous oxide gas during the procedure. Being a connoisseur and addict of both Valium and Nitrous, my decades long aversion to dentistry began to fade just a bit.

They prescribed me pills for two visits. Being the good alcoholic/addict that I am, I took them all for the first visit. When I arrived they almost wouldn't work on me because of this. But there was just no way I could face this long standing phobia anywhere close to sober. Finally, after taking all kinds of vital sign tests, they proceeded. It was a long and laborious process to undo all the damage which had accumulated over the past 18 years to that point. But I was oblivious to most all of it.

Fast forward to yesterday. I was scheduled to have two fillings replaced. The pain I can deal with. But there is something about the idea of shots that frightens me beyond my capacity to articulate. I suspect I was a needle junkie in a previous life, but I digress. I walked into the dental office, sat down, and immediately said a prayer and commenced the mental recitation of my mantra "God help me. God give me the willingness. God give me the strength."

Finally a hygienist came to bring me to the chair of overblown fear. As I sat down, I asked her "can you tell me how many shots she will be giving me and where? So I can mentally prepare myself?" There was a pregnant pause before her response of "you won't feel anything after the first one." Gulp. I explained my phobia and she said "oh, would you like some Nitrous Oxide?" Before I even had a chance to consider what she just said, I replied "No! I am a recovering alcoholic/addict and that would be a very bad idea". I was so surprised at that knee jerk reaction that it kept mind off what lay ahead. The dentist came in and the hygienist told her "he's a little anxious." To which she nodded, knowing me already. Though this was the first time I had been in her office, sober, for shots of any kind. And I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. Long story short, she gave me half a dozen or more (I quit counting) shots in the upper gum. Then took out two old fillings and put in two new. Something most likely trivial to most of the population. But a huge victory of sobriety for me.

After the shots were administered, they disappeared for some time. As I sat there realizing I had just done that without any mind altering substances, I was overcome with emotion. I was in such gratitude for the way of life I've stumbled upon.

My sponsor says "this is what we do in sobriety. We don't run from the things that frighten us. That's what drove our addiction." I agree. But I sure hope it's a while again before the next demonstration.

Turtle82

Bravo! Wonderful! When I had to have all mine pulled in one sitting they gave me what I guess is called a roofy (sp?) on the streets... don't recall the actual pill name... take one an hour before arrival and another on arrival if needed and if not used have to give it to them. You remember nothing, another person has to sign an agreement they will accompany and stay with you for X-number of hours.. it really is total amnesia. Anyway, when I returned for my post op, I asked the surgeon how it went and he blushed deep red saying I swore a LOT! Ugh... guess my old Navy days came out. LOL

I absolutely loved your knee-jerk response.... says it all!

Berrybean

Thanks for your post. It was just what I needed to read.

I need to get myself to the dentist, and like you have been avoiding it due to fear. My filling fell out about ten / eleven years ago and I've had a massive and very irritating hole in my tooth since then. How it's not got infected I have no idea. I have also recently remembered that I never paid up for that filling being put it either, so I have an amends to make at the same time.

biminiblue

Well done!

I don't consider Nitrous used for dental anxiety to be something that is off-limits, but if you do that's cool. I worry about people who are told they aren't sober if they use legit sedative drugs for legit reasons. Not everyone would be able to talk themselves down and would choose to never go to the doctor or dentist. I think that's worse than a therapeutic dose of sedative for an hour.

I'm not taking away from your huge accomplishment, I'm more writing this for the many people who may need medical care and think that Nitrous would lead them back to using again. I've used Nitrous many times, and it never led me back to using, nor do I consider it not being sober.

Yay for healthy teeth - whatever it takes!

michaelg

I hear you BB. I myself was addicted for 5 years continuous on sedatives (Valium). And used Nitrous Oxide obsessively for several years before coming into AA. While alcohol is and always has been my main trouble, these other (outside) issues are most definitely dangerous for me.