Recovery999

Doesn't know if be wants to be in program/etc/who knows what he's thinking.

He got sober in late December and did good for 3 months. I went out of my way to go to meetings with him every week. We talked and talked about all things AA. Male members came up to him and showed interest in sponsoring him. Everything was looking good.

Except, he's one of those people who just think that one meeting a week is going to cut it. Who don't want to work steps. So, of course, he drank. I don't work in the same office as he does, but I have access to his schedule because our jobs overlap, and I can see he's been missing work. He is miserable- his word. So, clearly, unmanageablity is back.

I offered to go to a meeting with him this weekend. I will go if that is what he wants, but the other part of me is kind of feeling like he's not serious about this, so why should I go? It's a considerable drive for me to meet him because we live an hour apart.

I just wish he would get it. With other newcomers, they either keep coming back and eventually get it, or you never see them again. But, we are friends. And I want his life to improve.

GracieLou

You can only carry the message and sometimes that takes us out of our way but you can't force him to see what he is not ready to see.

I know I didn't see it twelve years ago, I was not ready. We get it when we get it. All you can do in the mean time is offer help and to pray for him. That is really all we can do for anyone, alcoholic or not.

When they get the message or if they get it, is not up to us.

Boleo

I try not to make too many decisions these days by letting principles and boundaries be my GOD (Guider Of Decisions).

Principle - Try to help other alcoholics.

Boundaries - Success or failure is not mine to pocket.

Ken33xx

Either he sees it or he doesn't.

Your own sobriety is the best message.

skg

It's been my experience that I cannot make anyone get/stay sober, nor can I help anyone that's near to me emotionally. I found that introducing them to other sober members has been more successful in getting them into recovery. I have theories as to why, but the alternative (for me) is to turn into a controlling Al-Anon.

I DO have the opportunity to practice attraction of the program rather than promotion--usually far more effective in convincing a drunk that there's life after alcohol...

MIRecovery

Only with the help of God can he fix himself. When I was newly sober I went through this phase of trying to fix others. I was so happy I was sober and I could not understand why people were not able to get what I had. Today I still do not understand why some make it and others don't but I understand it is simply not in my control.

The AA responsibility statement

I am Responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible.


The key to this statement is the individual has to reach out because it is not your responsibility to chase them

CAPTAINZING2000

I had to reach pitiful incomprehensible demoralization . Lucky are the ones that have a higher bottom.

I like to think, we are fishers of men.
Strange how my daily devotion applies to this

You also have to use different tactics according to your quarry. When fishing you try and entice a fish to take the bait. You put something in front of them that looks good, appealing, a lure, something that they desire and would want to eat. Using the wrong bait will get you nothing but ignored. The fish willingly go after the right bait when it is presented and become hooked. If you make much noise you will drive the fish away, and if the lure does not look good they will never go for it to begin with.

In hunting you pursue your prey, often with the help of barking dogs and other hunters, depending on the quarry. The prey does not willingly submit either. It is being chased or ambushed and their only desire is that you would leave them alone.

NYCDoglvr

I suggest keeping the focus on your OWN program. In recovery I learned to not judge other people or offer unsolicited advice. There is nothing anyone can say or do that will stop another person from drinking.

Gottalife

Yes but you are still sober. This is the primary result of your efforts, of trying to carry the message to other alcoholics. One day God may give you a bonus, where someone you are trying to help gets up and walks again. In the meantime we keep trying to carry the message (not the mess) and we keep staying sober. It works when other activities fail.

sugarbear1

I am to be useful to others, this is what I strive to do, especially to others suffering from alcoholism. This is the 12 step in action!

mick3580

You offered the idea of going to a meeting with him. You brought it up. But you're pissed that your efforts might be wasted on him? I hope I have that correct. I can't make anyone get sober. Meetings are not the solution to Slcoholism that aa offers. It is the twelve steps. If he thinks he doesn't need the steps, then maybe he doesn't. I aa is not the only solution to Slcoholism. It is aa method that works for real slcoholics. Does he believe he is a real alcoholic? Has he been tsr's ken through step one and been shown how to make that diagnosis? Nob

Recovery999

I need new friends lol.

So, after not hearing from him for weeks, he emails me at work (we work together but in different offices). Basically asking me to set up 3 meetings (2 days of work) to help HIM get people into HIS program. Please understand there is absolutely nothing in it for me. And, can we accomplish this within the next two weeks?

I told him if it happens, it's going to be in 3-4 weeks. I have plans for the next two weeks already. The one person we are meeting with already wants to get involved in his program, that should be easy. I told him I'm not approaching one (he is on bad terms with our organization ATM and there's no point to driving all the way out there to hear no). I told him maybe on the third, but I do NOT have time to get involved if the guy stops handing in his paperwork, etc.

He's coming down here Saturday. Still drinking? Probably. Not with me he isn't but he can do whatever he wants on his own time.