NoelleR

I totally understand about the background check; I had one when I volunteered for Sunday School, but to have to pay for it yourself........eh......NO WAY. They want the background; they pay for it.

NoelleR

Kathleen41

The first thing I thought when I read this was "anonymity." I'm hoping your sponsor had your permission to disclose your information to this government official. I am a licensed professional, and wouldn't want myself identified as an alcoholic AA sponsor on official court documents of public record, as could occur in matters of child custody.

The second thing I thought of was boundaries in your sponsor relationship. The sponsors role is to serve as an example and advisor for sober living. Not a helper in child visitation or custody matters. What are your sponsees motives in all of this, lasting sobriety? Or regaining custody of her kids?

Thirdly, I dated an investigator from child protective services in Florida. He didn't need permission (or a fee) to look into the criminal background of anyone when dealing with a child safety issue. Sounds like there may be a misunderstanding or misinformation about who needs this background check completed and for what reason.

I obviously don't know you or your sponsee, but this relationship sounds much more personally entangled than sponsor/sponsee relationships I am familiar with. Share your experience, strength and hope in overcoming alcoholism. Don't try to fix her life!!

Best wishes, whatever you decide.

nfijules

I did speak with my sponsee. I have to say, that I prefer to be on the friendlier side with my sponsees and it works. From my experience, I had 3 sponsors who just wanted the 90 and 90, call every day and go to meetings. I personally did not respond to that kind of sponsorship and could not learn to trust them, as they kept it on a business level. Things changed for me and so I put that opportunity into womens hands now and it works.
I did speak with my sponsee though, and told her that I would not go through the check as right now, our relationship is between me and her. Not her and her children. I left a message with this social worker and told him, and he never has called back. Thanks for all your input - interesting deal and glad I got past this one lol....

GracieLou

Thanks for coming back and updating. Sounds like you made the right choice.

nfijules

The agency and worker is for real..>I did check up on it...but I decided not to go through with it. I explained to my sponsee that our relationship at this point is between me and her and she fully understood. It all worked out.........thanks all for responding and giving some insight to this!