sugarbear1

She claims that not one sponsor has taken her past step 3. Around here, I know this to be true. I lived through it until I found Apryl, who is going back to CA tomorrow....

zorah

I am a newcomer. From what i'm experiencing so far, it's not "either..or" but "both...and". My sponsor is working with me through the big book; we read it together and are currently on step one. She's really taken the time to explain the history of AA, how the BB evolved, what the different editions are about etc. I really am being guided through each step so I can understand and internalize the process of recovery. At the same time, I need meetings; at the moment, i need one every day in order to stay on the path. I am so wobbly, one tip and i could tip into a nice glass of red wine. I can't call my sponsor as much as I need help, so knowing I'm going to a meeting at X time is like a lifeline for the day. Anyway, that's my two cents. Step work is the recovery; meetings are the support for my recovery.


Zorah

sugarbear1

3 Meetings a day while not working and in recovery. That is where I met Apryl.

First thing Apryl and I did was to work the steps.

Then the big book study and reading about AA history. Lots of discussions. Other books read and discussed.

Still going through the big book with my sponsor, although now that Apryl had gone back to CA, I now have another sponsor. Same process through the steps, 3 times altogether by 8 months.

Just another way, but the steps are the solution.

This is not rehab, this is real life relief and freedom that I've experienced. Again, just another way to work through my "ism."

The point is, the new solution is in the steps, no matter how one gets there. I didn't do any writing until the 4th and 8th steps.

NYCDoglvr

When someone can't stay sober it's about Step 1. It's the only step we must do perfectly to stay sober. The other steps are based on us understanding that we're powerless over alcohol. I agree with this sponsor.

Boleo

Having had a Spiritual Awakening as the result of these steps - I now realize that the Spiritual Awakening could have never been the result of step 1 only. In fact, I would say the only thing I realized as the result of the step 1 was the problem. I was screwed without a Higher Power.

That's How It Works for those of us who are beyond human aid. The solution was found in the remaining steps. I had to find a Power greater than myself and that power came from working steps 4 - 9. That Power remains with me so long as I work steps 10 - 12.

Route164

Step one is self knowledge and the big book states self knowledge cannot keep me sober. Action is needed to seek the power that will keep me sober. I can admit I am powerless but it is a mute point if I don't seek power, actually I can think of nothing worse than sitting in the knowledge I am woot defense against the first drink and not being given the solution. If I were diagnosed diabetic would you refuse me insulin or tell me to wait, take my time?

sugarbear1

I strongly disagree with this idea of "doing step 1 perfectly." I admitted I was powerless over alcohol. I admitted my life was unmanageable. I had no other solution but to drink. Off and on for 25 years I had no solution BUT to drink. I had not been guided past step 3.

Bill W. once said that "the only thing that is perfect or absolute in AA is NOTHING." Nothing is absolute, nothing is perfect; we are not a higher power nor are we saints.

I knew for 25 years, that I was powerless over alcohol. Without a new solution, without a new manager, life was hopeless and unmanageable.

I don't know where this "the only step we must do perfectly is step 1" came from as it is not in the big book or anywhere in the approved AA literature. I assume it's another rehab myth.

Page 60: "No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to spiritual progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection."

To do step 1 "perfectly" goes against the entire precept of what AA is about.

I can't obtain a conscious contact with my higher power without working through ALL 12 steps. It's plain and simply written in our literature.

How does one work a step perfectly in a program of action which has imperfection as it's stepping stone?

Steps 1 through 3 prepare us for steps 4-12. I don't work steps 1-3 daily. I work steps 10-12 daily. My spirituality is a constant struggle. I have not reached nirvana yet. Agree to disagree.

How do you define "doing step 1 perfectly?"

I certainly mastered being powerless and having an unmanageable life. I admitted step 1 daily. Nothing changed. I still don't admit to working step 1 perfectly, I could have messed up a whole lot more in my life than I already had. No perfection there.

That [step alone] didn't help me to stay stopped from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. "No human power could have relieved our alcoholism. God could and would if he were sought."

My solution is in the steps of AA.

Boleo

"Only Step One, where we made the 100 percent admission we were powerless over alcohol, can be practiced with absolute perfection."
(12&12 page 69)

However, no where does it say step 1, even if practiced perfectly, will keep us sober. In fact the Big Book says sobriety is not enough at least 4 times;

"We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning." (p 19)
"Our liquor was but a symptom." (p 64)
"We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough." (p 82)
"Cessation of drinking is but the first step away from a highly strained, abnormal condition." (p 122)

sugarbear1

Thank you, Boleo!

Gottalife

I never assume my babies are ready to go straight to step 4. There have been some very good points raised about the first three steps. Step one in particular is vital. If it is not done 100%, then drinking will always be an option. And there will always be an excuse as to why we really don't need to go to any lengths. Something left out of step 5, an amends not made, these are the things that lead back to drinking, and they often have their origin in a less than total acceptance of step one.

sugarbear1

How does one judge whether or not another person has step one 100%?

Mark75

I couldn't do the first step perfectly because it was done for me at first, externally... I was told that I stop doing what I am doing or I lose, well, nearly everything... It was irrelevant what I thought about my own powerlessness and unmanageability... Others, people who had a lot of say about my future, recognized it and delivered the ultimatum.

Damn, was I miserable... Those were some bad days, LOL.

Things began to brighten only after I had a meaningful 2nd and 3rd step experience. I was able to go back and look at my first step in a much more objective way afterward. Even then it was an imperfect first... Then 4th step... And my vision began to clear and I was able to go back again... Then 8th... Yet again I could go back and see things again for the first time.

If I was told that I had to have a perfect first step before I could have a meaningful experience in the others... Then, well.... Shudder.

Hell yea the 1 2 3 dance, I get that, but it just provides a structure in which I can add new steps, a little break dancing, LOL... And the go back to those first three steps...

Gottalife

"We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic" Remembering that our new manner of living demands rigorous honesty, one invests time on step one with the newcomer and can ask the same questions as in the Big Book, and listen to their answers. Step 1 is so important that roughly one third of the program portion of the book is devoted to it.
We have recovered and been given the power to help others. Being past masters at BS, we have reasonably effective BS detectors.

TSDD

IMO if someone keeps drinking they missed the 1st step. Really as far as I'm concerned if someone is in and out like a fiddler's elbow they really haven't even stopped drinking yet, just changed their pattern of drinking.

If you're staying sober and lack a sense of purpse try 3rd, if you're staying sober and feel guilty, try 4,5 if you're sober and can't face people try 8,9.

I'd even throw in trying to help others.... the book calls it "insurance" against drinking and says it works when all else fails (I must say it was magic for me)

I'm also quite confident that I have no idea what someone else "needs" or does not need to stay sober. I'm almost certain that one needs to abstain from drinking alcohol, that's the only thing I can see that EVERYONE does the same. I have never seen a person wind up drunk that didn't take the first drink.

TSDD

When their head hits the pillow tonigh sober, then they try again tomorrow if they wake up in the morning (just my .02$)

sugarbear1

My friend has 30 years on step 1 alone. Two years of meetings. She's made it this far, but has returned to the meetings. She is proof that step 1 alone can work. Except she's pretty much in a bad place and is now attempting to work the steps. Still full of anxiety and self-fear. Not eating properly and feeling manic (highs and lows and blames it on lack of food, but isn't doing anything about it). She prefers to sit and listen to music or watch horse races.

I made it to day 12 and was going to drink or hurt someone badly. I worked through the steps 3 times so far and I look forward to finding out more by working through them again. I spend one day or more a week volunteering my time, work when I can, and I am learning to have a well rounded life, I get to a specific number of meetings a week and watch my motives for attending more than that number of meetings.

We are both proof that meetings don't keep us sober.

So, both of us are proof that step one alone can work, OR working through the steps quickly and then more thoroughly both can help someone stay stopped.

Sobriety is a personal journey.

tomsteve

However, no where does it say step 1, even if practiced perfectly, will keep us sober. In fact the Big Book says sobriety is not enough at least 4 times;

"We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning." (p 19)
"Our liquor was but a symptom." (p 64)
"We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough." (p 82)
"Cessation of drinking is but the first step away from a highly strained, abnormal condition." (p 122)[/QUOTE]

to add:
" it is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. we are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. what we really have is a daily repreive contigent on the maintenence of our spiritual condition."

Sheryl85

Your friend is lucky to have someone like you in her life. This is just a suggestion, but try and encourage your friend to complete this task. What's the worse that can happen? I've never heard of anyone being harmed by too many meetings. And perhaps she will receive enlightenment. In the meantime you can gently encourage her to continue working on her Steps and share your experience of how that worked for you. The first segment of the Steps are very important in surrendering our will, but we know that real contentment comes with the latter segments. Those are the ones that help deliver the faith that works under all conditions and help us to receive contented sobriety.

Perhaps her sponsor has something specific in mind for your friend. Whatever the reason, just remember that God has a plan in the works for her. I have found that some of us just have to travel a longer path before we receive the key which will unlock those shackles that alcohol has placed on us. One man I knew tried for over 20 years before he “got it.” They nicknamed him the silver slipper. He had so many sobriety dates that the last time instead of a lighter like they used to give out for yearly anniversaries (back in the day) his sponsor penciled in his sobriety date on a matchbook and gave it to him. He died sober with well over 25 years and greatly respected in the AA community.

sugarbear1

Sheryl,

So, my friend and I got together for dinner last night. In our chat, she mentioned she's having problems because of her deceased father who apparently abused her. She said it's a huge disruption in her life and she and her sponsor are working on the steps. She was told about some prayers to make, has not really done much else. As we talked, I suggested she write a letter to her father. She didn't have to reread it or share it or she could....she could also just say a prayer and burn it...

She called this morning and said she wanted to write that letter (also after speaking with her sponsor, I'm not trying to usurp her sponsor's suggestions), but she didn't know how to start it. We spoke, so she's about to write that letter. I did suggest she not read it, add to it if necessary, and keep writing it until she just knew she was done. She has to get these emotions and garbage out of her.

Funny how she doesn't understand how I didn't stay stopped on step 1 alone and I'm thinking I don't know how she could stay stopped on that step alone, but we are now both staying stopped....and we complement each others recovery in several ways. I just met her 2 weeks ago.

I love how HP works.....