Doug

Flare ups happen to most alcoholics, 5-7 weeks, 5-7 months, 11-13 months, but only after we stop drinking. The body is demanding alcohol. It is a chemical change in our body. A flare-up cannot make you drink, but they can make us feel like taking a drink.

If you do drink once again, the "X" factor takes over and we will have the flare-up all over again, when and if we are able to get sober again.

As sobriety continues, the flare-ups come further apart, are shorter duration, and are less severe.

Symptoms of flare-ups can take many forms. The following are some of the most common:

Don't need A.A.
Insomnia
Headaches
Red Eyes
Irritable, Resentment
Staggers, Shakes
Poor appetite
Aches in joints
Slurred speech
Depression
Intense itching
Blurred vision
Anxiety, anger
Dreams of drinking
Self pity
Isolation
Trouble making decisions
Faulty memory


I picked this up at a meeting. I don't know who wrote it, or where it comes from

CarolD

and I suggest checking out this on PAW

http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm

Chy

Thanks for that Doug.. gee have 3 of the four physical symptoms.. and I thought it was allergies! .. I guess it is!!

DolphinBlue

Thanks Doug and Carol, I think that this stuff is so important to know about. It was a big relief for me to read about PAW especially, I could possibly have given up hope had I not known what was going on with me and can easily see why so many would.

Amy

sooloo

Hi all, I am new to this board. It has been a long time since I have been on a board actually. I really like what I have read so far and to be reminded of Terence Gorsky is a gift. I think I have read everything he has written. How could I forget him? sigh. Of all thing things I have lost in my life, I miss my mind the most. lol


When I sobered up AA was mostly a male dominated group and they were mostly over 50 yrs., as I recall. I used to think of 50 as old, but I don't anymore. LOL Anyway they were a crusty old bunch and had of course never heard of PAW's or any of the cool things we have now to make sobering up a bit easier. They saved my life none the less, with phrases like "if your ass falls off you don't drink" and "what do I look like, a marriage counselor, doctor, etc? Just go to a meeting, it will all work out. Just go to a meeting. Go to a meeting everyday, it will all work out, and oh by the way, don't drink, even if your ass falls off."

I still remember how happy I was to read Gorsky's book and see his video's. I was of course used to not talking about my feelings and thinking I was crazy, so reading his books, even though I was past all that, was one more step towards my feeling better about myself.

So please if you are new and going through all this stuff, don't drink, even if your butt falls off. There is nothing, that drinking will make better. Nothing.

Love from a forever grateful AA member, Susan

DolphinBlue

Hello and welcome Susan

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it was really good to be reminded of the basics again. I agree that we are lucky to have this information available to us now.

Hope you make yourself at home here and share more with us.

Amy

Justme57

What is PAWs ? I need all the help I can get ! lol
Lee

CarolD

for information on PAWS please click on this link


http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm


Cheering you forward....:kisshug:

Chy

Very good info there, do check it out! We need to be informed about our addictions and if you need sources Carol is a library of links!!

TimOFromChicago

Thanks for all of the good info. Another tool which I can share with my sponsee.. The link is very good also. It's great to see the fellowship at work!!

Have a good 81,400 seconds everybody!

Tim

Chy

bump

Chy

Here it is Bonni

Justme57

WOW! thank you carol & bonni , for the info re PAWS! I have just read it cover to cover ! Absolutely amazing !

Pity my printer is carked it , but I have saved it , and will print it out at work!

Amazing stuff!

LUV
Lee

panadolsandwich

Hi all read the link for PAWs, and it explains what I'm going through. I mean intense itching? I had to be antibiotics because I'd just scratched one place on my leg too much.

Don't need A.A.
Insomnia
Headaches
Red Eyes
Irritable, Resentment
Staggers, Shakes
Poor appetite
Aches in joints
Slurred speech
Depression
Intense itching
Blurred vision
Anxiety, anger
Dreams of drinking
Self pity
Isolation
Trouble making decisions
Faulty memory

Well I have every single one of those afflictions. And I could double that list. I just got two hours sleep and the dream was surreal, I was picked up by a bus with all these backpackers. We were going on holidays, and everyone was smoking, drinking and laughing and I'd curled up in the corner explaining I didn't feel well.

When we got off the bus, I lost everyone, just felt I was abandoned. I'd lost my backpack too, which had heaps of alcohol in it. Noone would offer me any help. We'd made it to a fun fair, with rotating clown's heads and fairy floss, rollercoasters and freak shows. Somehow I made it back to the bus, and we went home. I was surprised that the bus driver was stopping at everyone's home, instead of just dropping us off in the city. Really spooky stuff.

Especially since I've brought something up with my brother that I realised he'd told me in a dream. When you start realising you can't distinguish reality from a dream or nightmare, let's just say it doesn't boost your confidence.

And the point that your brain only malfunctions *sometimes*. I can write and explain myself clearly, but before someone asked me to use personal messaging, and I just couldn't concentrate enough to work it out. And I've helped set up unix web servers, it's not as if I'm new to the internet.

I know I keep going on about all the ability I once had, and I'm sure I'm making everyone sick to death of it. The feeling to just give up is stronger than ever. Who knows maybe I can be like Winston Churchill, a functional alcoholic. He could handle it and lead a long and successful life. I suppose being a functional alcoholic is better than being a dead one. That's why I flared up over the analogy about guns.

If I pick up a drink today, I still have a chance. If I blow my head off with a pistol what chance do I have then? The issue is closed as far as everyone is concerned - I only bring it up because it explains my own flare up.

I don't wish to discourage anyone, but this is easily the toughest challenge I've ever had to face. I'm not used to failing, but this addiction is beating the living sh*t out of me. I'm fighting it tooth and nail, but I'm losing ground. There's a difference between retreating and falling back. And I'm holding my ground for the time being. The hardest part being there's no real enemy I can attack. Because it's all down to me.

Chy

Pan... I often revist this thread and recommend reading the info on PAWS.. please find some comfort in that is what is going on with you. It sucks... really sucks..the whole idea of getting sober, realizing we are not like other people, that we can't drink.. not one lousy drink.. ever again if we want to restore sanity to our lives. Your doing good, it's not easy in the begining.. I nearly paced the pile out of my carpet.. walking back and forth by the fridge.. searching to see if I had hid one can of beer to well... and knowing if I found it I would of guzzled it and off to the store for the next 12 pack.. but you have to want sobriety more then that drink.. that ONE drink that will turn your life to ultimate $**** again.. please find a means of support there.. you CAN'T do this alone and need a good strong foundation to help you.. be it AA, SMART, Church, .. whatever.. find a support group. Or go back to the rehab and ask for some numbers.

It's a terrible disease.. but keep fighting tooth and nail... YOU NEVER HAVE TO DRINK AGAIN... it's your disease telling you other wise.. hang tight.. we're here!

panadolsandwich

Thanks for you support Chy. I apoligise if anyone feels I've written to much here, but I have one brother I can talk to, and all my friends that remain, are used to seeing me when we are drinking together. I will get back to them, but obviously I can't count on their support at the moment.

The last day or so has been a living nightmare, feelings of great optimism followed by depths of despair I haven't experienced before. I had pizza when I watched the rugby last night and spent a lot of the night throwing it up, at this stage my body wants healthier food.
I just haven't got the hang of being 'normal'. I've come back from detox and I still sit in front of the tv, with a coke in my hand instead of a cider. All the little things ppl take for granted, like making a cup of tea, It's like I'm learning it for the first time.

It's a truly vicious desease. Made worse by the willpower I do have. Isn't it strange - the more willpower you have, the harder it is, in my experience anyway. Because in my mind at the moment I feel it's better I go to the pub instead of the hospital. I'm actually trying to convince myself I'll go to the *pub*, then the hospital. And there will be the nurse and hospital staff who've seen it all before, and anyway probably won't take me back. So many crazy thoughts are running through my mind. I know I'm not safe being alone at the moment, which is probably why I'm posting so much.

Please don't worry about me, I'll ring my brother, and the AA hotline and try to make some sense out of all this. I know how good AA can be and I know if need be someone can take me to hospital. Maybe if I just go out for a walk I'll be ok. Sorry to burden you with these horrible thoughts, but my mind is racing.

DolphinBlue

Mark,

you have nothing to apologise for, those thoughts are better out of your mind than in it and if this helps you then keep venting!

I agree with what you said about willpower, the more I try to use my will the further away I get from peace of mind. The truth is, my willpower didn't get me very far. What I thought I wanted, what I thought I needed to be happy, in reality made me miserable and closed off to reality. When I got what I thought I wanted it was never, ever enough. It didn't fulfill me and I was left wanting more, like drinking for example.

Its probably sounds strange but admitting defeat gives me relief and a sense of freedom. Not just self-pity, I mean really accepting that my willpower gets me into trouble. I've been able to open up to a lot more possiblities and a lot better ones too.

Vent away whenever you feel the need. I appreciate your post and relate to a lot of what you said. You aren't alone!

Amy

panadolsandwich

Amy,

The willpower issue is the cruelest part of what I'm going through. Everything I ever owned or achieved is due to my willpower and never admitting defeat. You know I don't wish to share my hard luck story but I'm proud of getting as far as I did under the circumstances.

And that's the crux of the matter with the higher power isn't it? I'm that arrogant that I'm not willing to accept that, that everything I've ever gained, learnt or experienced was all down to my blood, sweat and tears. I just can't get it into my head that there is something or someone more powerful than myself helping me.

At an AA introductory meeting this guy was telling us how he'd told this guy if you're so powerful do you consider you could go to the beach and hold back the incoming tide? Apparently the guy started saying he could hold it back if he wanted to, waving his hands about, before getting more grandiose and saying he could build a wall to hold the tide back (meant to be ridiculous and entirely impractical).

I put my hand up (being an engineer) and asked the guy if he'd ever heard of the Venice mobile barriers, which actually do hold back the tide? The guy didn't have an answer and 'I'm excited!' advised him he'd have to change the story, 'Droopy' said I was worse than 'Poncho', and 'Twinkletoes' just winked at me.

I didn't mean to offend, but I knew I was being a smart arse. One of my best friends is working on the UQ scramjet Hyshot project - supersonic air breathing ramjet engines capable of 8000km per hour making a Sydney to London flight a mere two hours.

She's a complete atheist a power unto herself helping to build these revolutionary rockets. She doesn't know (well she probably does) I'm an alcoholic. But I ended up introducing her to my brother who is simply amazing with mathematics, and he's tutoring her, and together they are pioneering the mathematic modelling of airborne projectiles. I was so happy I drank myself into oblivion with the thought that I'd just helped Australia's space program! How ridiculous is that?

That willpower is hard to just allow to let go of. If I do let go, will I ever get it back? And why is it when I do something worthwhile I go and drink myself to unconsciousness?

Mark.

DolphinBlue

Mark,

the higher power thing was really difficult for me to get too and I don't think its necessary to worry about it.

I think that there are some things that I need my willpower for like going to meetings etc because quite honestly I find that really hard at the moment. I guess for me its a matter of aligning my will with what my hp wants for me. I don't always know what that is and right now I hardly have a clue, but I figure that doing the basic little things that I need to do will at least help to keep me safe.

I drank when I was happy, when I was sad, any time really. But MOSTLY when I was feeling too much emotion, negative or positive. They were the main triggers for me. I panicked when I did well and I hated myself when I did nothing. Either way, I was anxious and the drinking feulled it.

Too much thinking and not enough action gets me into trouble. My head is a bad neighbourhood I don't want to visit alone! And especially late at night, which is now, which is why I'm glad to be posting to you instead!

Amy

Adamus

We can use our willpower. We absolutely MUST use our willpower!!!!!!!!!!!! NO ONE will stay sober if they don't decide that they want sobriety- that seems so obvious to me.

The way I understand willpower is that God want us to use both our brains and willpower. However, and here's the crux of the matter, its the alignment of that willpower that is crucial. When I try to stay sober on my willpower without God's help, I fail. Can't explain why, but the amount of evidence for that is crushingly apparent in my life. On the other hand, with God’s help each day I stay sober without any difficulty!

The 3rd step is the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions really says it all and in such a better way than I could ever articulate it:

That’s why I have will, and how I can use my will to achieve and sustain sobriety.

As far as this goes:

Does it hold back tidal waves? That’s what my alcoholism was, not a gentle tide, but a gigantic wall of water stretching further in every direction than the eye could see. Human ingenuity is great as far as it goes, but some situations call for a Power without limitation or dimension.

No one here knows if you've had enough yet. You are the only one who knows that. We can support and encourage you, but in the end, it's up to you. Is there absolutely no reservation or lurking notation that you will be able to drink again without bitter consequences? If you are convinced, embark upon the vigorous course of action AA has to offer! Relief comes through taking action!