LegalLady

At work. Can't get a hold of my sponosr. Not sure what is wrong and feeling really squirelly today. I think I'm on overload. Read my morning prayers and stuff. Nothing. Last night I was thinking. I'm so tired of the ministers, so tired of helping people so tired of AA. So tired of people. All I would have to do is pop the top off of one beer and everyone would leave me alone like as if I had the plague or something. This seems to happen everytime my birthdya comes around. Does this ever happen to any of you. Maybe I'm on overload. I think I"m No I know I'm feeling sorry for myself. The uncontrollable tears. I hate that. I didn't drink but It's just weird. Just wondering if any one got squirrely in their first two years of being clean.

Please.

Thanks.

LegalLady

I keep thinking people are only hanging with me cause i"m clean like they did when I was not. My mind is weird.

Astro

Restless, irritable, discontent. Yeah I still get like that sometimes. And there are times when recovery just gets to be a bit much, I need a break, I need to recharge my batteries.

To me it's a sign that I need to change something. Maybe I need to add a new twist to my recovery program, maybe I need to try a new hobby, maybe I need to get away for a couple days to relax. Someplace new, something fun to stimulate my mind.

How about trying something different in your life? Oh, and if this happens around your recovery birthdays I've heard it referred to as "Anniversary Anxiety". Makes sense to me

Ananda

OMG....that was how my mind was working and running when i drank after almost 2 years sober....

What I know today is that that is a crazy idea....my perceptions were insane.....first...I don't have to drink to get a little rest from "helping others" (which i'm not sure wasn't just ego building) and also....people didn't run away...well some did, and although the majority stoped sharing their woes in order to allow me time to recover, all that did was create a gap in the friendships that allowed me to justify further drinking...

For me, this sort of thinking is a major red flag and something i need to address immediately

RobbyRobot

Yeah, i got squirrelly in the first two years. I've never had a year or a season that something about my sobriety didn't require my honest effort to change and grow from my ESH. Being sober means being changeable and there is no time limit on that. We are all moving forward. None of us are "there and finished" yet. lol.

The other thing is that more often than not, change brings some kind of hardship with it, and with that comes my own natural resistence to change, my own circumstances that require time and effort to unfold and understand, and i have feelings about all that and so care is required or yeah, i would easily overload too.

As we move into experiencing years of continous sobriety we have a deep foundation to build upon lasting changes not just in our daily lives but ongoing throughout the years. We can begin to understand the "one day at a time" motto in a new and enegerzied experience. We discover that "a day" has more than the obvious meaning of 24hrs. Time itself is more valuable as an experience and less as a clock.

You got good "time" in sobriety, and that did not happen by chance but by design. When i have the difficulties you are describing, i look to the quality of my sobriety in my day to day life. I honestly understand that a real change will be required to smooth out the current trials and tribulations and i follow a path that leads to those required and desired changes. When the glove fits, i admit as much. When the shoe fits, i wear it. When i'm right im grateful, and when im wrong im grateful too.

Maintaining sobriety is not a hardship in itself. It is more an art though than a science and so with that must be prepared to keep learning and changing as the days change to weeks change to months change to years change to a lifetime well lived.

Honest change in action and real acceptance of the need/want for that change, no matter how small, is the best single thing any alcoholic can do in any single day of their lives while maintaining sobriety.

Little changes everyday will reward you far more then huge magnificent changes every now and whatever. Just my ESH.

Godspeed, LegalLady.

RobbyRobot

Clutch B

Yes you are not alone! I feel that way sometimes too.

In fact, I am feeling quite overwhelmed today. The nervous-breakdown kind of overwhelmed. (My job responsibilities tripled and I'm trying to keep up, but I'm about to fail miserably ...)

I went to the grocery store today. The wine bottles caught my eye. And from the deepest, darkest corner of my mind, the idea of escape flooded me. I wanted to escape the way I felt -- I couldn't handle the feelings and I wanted the easy way out.

What a massive red flag!

I'm getting my butt to a meeting tonight! I learned a long time ago that alcohol is NOT the easy way out for me. It made everything so much worse. It's amazing how something that completely ruined my life would suddenly seem appealing again.

Of course, I cut back on my meetings a few months ago, and kind of stopped talking to my sponsor, and sort of started isolating myself ... gee that wouldn't have anything to do with it, right?

Glad you posted. I hope you don't drink today.

Music

It's that stinkin' thinkin'! Hang in there LL. It'll be ok. Happens to the best of us. It's just a funk and maybe just a little change in routine will help.

Sheryl85

L.L.Yes, I’ve felt like that and no, you are not weird. I’ve know a lot of other folks who have felt like that as well.

One of my friends who just had his 37th anniversary yesterday shared about the worst case when he had those feelings and he had been 8 years sober. He told us that was when he learned that although he still needed to do those thing he had been doing at the beginning of his sobriety, he now had to do more . . . more action that is! It’s sort of like exercise. When it gets too easy, it’s time to step it up to the next level. We all grow in this program and we find that like a growing body our souls need to be fed more as well.

For my friend things started changing when he got a new sponsor. His former sponsor had died and my friend had gone as far as he could on his own. His new sponsor was really big into studying the Steps and working with others. (My friend is fond of saying that this is all a spiritual journey and that spiritual journeys have a beginning, but no end. You can take them as far as you want to.)

Hang in there and talk to your sponsor when you can reach her. I bet anything that she’s going to tell you that she’s been through similar situations. I know that I have been there . . . once at two years, 5 years and my worst one was at lucky year thirteen.

Ago

I used to get weird around my birthday as well, truthfully my second was the worst, actually no, scratch that, I drank right before my first third Bday then again on my next seventh Bday.

It passes usually right after I get my chip, in my experience, it's the norm and diminishes as the years pass.

I did learn however that actually drinking makes it a bleepton worse, if I don't drink it lasts a few days, when I did drink it literally took me years to clean up the mess, then I have to have that second or third birthday anyway.

Slag

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

Pick any one it seems to fit.

I am sober 32 years and when I get like the way you describe my character defects are more prominent!!!!! and I am a a real pain in the rear end... Just take a deep breathe and slow down...just the idea that you were honest enough to speak your feelings is enough to turn your day around.

AW2486

I still feel that way LL.. First off congrats on your Sober B-day.

My sponsor talked at a local halfway house on his sober B-day. I thought that was pretty cool, so I will be doing the same tomorrow. It's turning into a big deal with family coming and it being announced around the area. Squirelly is a good way of putting it. Almost now regretting doing it this way. Some how a sane thought came today. It's not that big a deal, I'm not as important as I think I am. And even if my talk sucks, My mom will still say it was great!! .. I hope.

My ego has a way of making things difficult. Hitting a meeting tonight and lots of prayer tomorrow.

Hang in there.

24hrsAday

LL: i Just Had My 3 year Birthday and it was better Than my 2end Mood Wise.. Hell.. Maybe i'm Actually Growing a Little or Something..

sugErspun

When feeling as you describe above (I am no expert on what one should expect at X amount of time away from a drink)..I follow the instructions on pp 84-88. I tend to feel better and function better when I am not thinking about myself, how I feel, what's right/wrong.

The thought of taking a drink has not come, even on my worst days. I think someone has already stated what 'usually' comes of this (ie, the next time I see them or hear from them..they had gone out.) Sounds like dangerous waters...