barb dwyer

Hi Everyone!

Well ...

I've said since the beginning - that nothing - absolutely nothing can come between be and my recovery -

damned if my JOB hasn't.

And has been ... for months now.

So I keep quitting - and they keep talking me into coming back but this last time - I'm actively seeking other arrangements now ... I'm trying to shut up and see where The Infinite is pointing.

So any spare prayers y'all have dangling around,
if you could send 'em my way - I'd appreciate it.

Meanwhile, I will only be working enough hours here to get bills paid while I actively seek something ANYTHING else. I had a very bad experience with the General manager here during this illness, and sat down with the GM for a far more honest conversation than I think she was prepared for.

*such can be the drawbacks of a twelve step program I suppose*

Because she could not indimidate me. She did try.
You will lose your job, *barb*
I was looking for a job when I got here ...
The truth was the truth ... and that, as they say ...
was that.

I am also changing sponsors, I'm in a ...

*pause*

you know -

I don't know what the hell I'm in -

I've just reached a part/phase/something within

myself/healing/growth/recovery

that I need a sponsor who is my more own age/life experience is all. My previous sponsor, has been my one and only and who I still love deeply and will remain very close to. But we agree that I'm just in a place where I am being asked by The Infinite to learn aspects of life that she is simply not prepared to guide - to nurture; care for, and honor the Self ... and that .. the learning and guiding how to ... must be done by someone more ... mature chronologically. And by someone who actually has experienced it for themselves. My sponsor has little more direct experience with that kind of mothering than I do.

Headin toward a whole new horizon.

Giddyap.

Thanks.

barb dwyer

I'm not saying I need mothering... but I am gonna need advisement from someone who had one. Neither she or I ... did.

LOL!

CarolD

(+) (+) (+)
Mega Hugs and Prayers zinging your way

Ann

Sending mothering prayers, Barb, of comfort and also (here comes the mothering side) words to tell you that you are being led already and to just trust and travel in faith, even if it's blind faith.

I've had good jobs and bad, and they all helped guide me to finding what was right for "ME".

I'm older than you and it was only a couple of years ago that I decided right or wrong to take my own path and find a job that was rewarding and left me feeling good at the end of the day. I began working for myself, freelance, for a while and that led to a couple of interesting contracts that led me to a job working in the field of addiction (gee, THAT shoe fit), and I love every moment of it. Get this....every single person I work for and with is in recovery of one kind or another and each has several years of good stuff under their belt. There are no "attitudes" or bad days there, and I love every moment of it.

My point is that I just let go of the anxiety, decided to love myself enough to only do what was right for me, and then let God show me the way. A series of coincidences got me here, and I've heard it said that coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.

I know you well enough to know that you are a terrific person with many gifts, and this surrogate mama is going to just believe in you until you can believe in yourself...because that's what we mamas do best.

Learn from good people and learn from jerks...they each have lessons to share. Then grab the brass ring and just go for what works for you.

Mama size hugs

barb dwyer

This has been a good job to sober up at ..
but a horrible job to try to remain within a fellowship.
They have backed me to the wall and I've made the choice.

*shrug*

There really is no choice.

In fact, I'm psyched about where the Creater is going to put me.
I don't mind that at all.
I trust.
I 'lissen'.

Thank you, Ann.

I've made great friends here, and I intend to stick around of course.
I think SR has been the greatest gift of this job.
I might not be around as much for a while ...
but I'm harder to get shook loose of than just changing jobs.

I ain't 'barb dwyer' for nothing...

Tazman53

Barb you know I have your back hon, sobriety is a journey as is life, let the journey lead where it may, just turn it over and trust. Take the time to pray and meditate for the guidance you need and make sure it is guidance and not you that you are listening to!!! LOL

JustOneMan

Mega hugs from da Man!

sugErspun

Of course Barb..prayers have been sent.

RufusACanal

We can whup anything! YEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAA

Dee74

You already know what you have to do Barb...

it'll all work out
D

mtnmagic

Barb - You reaching out to me has helped me incredibly. I can't tell you how horrible, lost and alone that I felt. I would trudge the halls here on SR late at night, alone like usual, but found a friend in you. I'm blinking at three weeks tomorrow. I would have never, ever gotten there without you and also Negative Man that checks in with me daily.

In fact I'm starting to try and take care of myself more. Although, today was one more venture into close to insanity. Sober now mind you.

Let me share..I went to try and do something nice for myself. Thought a hair cut/style/color might do the trick. Three hours later, and $250.00 lighter, I'm thinking that I've gotta lot to learn with this new sobriety stuff.

I've not been feeling real good the last week or so. Think I should take a nap.
What the hell did I do? Have to admit I look real pretty, but $250.00!

Signal30

Ah yes work stress. I have listed many co-workers and my job itself as a separate entity on resentment inventories. I would complain, fester in anger, and was in a state of depression. I had no emotional sobriety, and my physical sobriety was on the ropes. All of these negative feelings stemming from my job!

That's when I finally let go the last of my self-reliance, and decided to do this third step everyone was taking about. I gave the hate, self-pity, fear, bitter resentment that I felt for my job and released it to God.

I also learned something very important. Just before I had this spiritual experience, I went out of town because the job I hated so much wanted me to go to this training called "Developing a Winning Attitude". I hated that I had to go, I hated that I thought that my job was trying to brainwash me into accepting the BS I was forced to deal with at work.

Then I decided to shut up and listen. The class was actually awesome. It parallelled AA in many ways to the point where it was scary, (in a good way of course). The instructor hardly talked about law enforcement issues, he talked about ways to simply be happy in your life and achieving goals, not work goals, life goals.

One of the things he said I will not forget. "Fact of life for the law enforcement officer. Officers control 100% of their integrity, professionalism, and their attitude. Everything else-policies, required procedures, budget, assignments, organizational goals etc. is controlled by someone else. The real contest is always what you've done and what you're capable of doing. You measure yourself against yourself and nobody else."

And here's where he kinda shocked me. These days instructors get nervous talking about God in this PC world. He stated...

"That one we call a higher power does not require that we are the best, only that we do our best unselfishly. You build a successful life a day at a time."

I believe God was seeing if I was paying attention...lol. It also helped that he had this in Power Point and in handouts.

One thing I know I can change, my attitude. Accept things I can't change. Courage and willingness to change the things I can, and that obtainable wisdom through effort and experience to know the difference.

Every day I live by Gods will, use the tools AA and God have given me. And every day I go to work happier and spiritually Sarine. If something happens at work and I get angry, frustrated, and/or resentful, that is my fault. I gave that person, institution, or thing my serenity, they did not take it. If I choose to hold on to that resentment then I'm not doing the deal I made with God.

Nobody can make you angry, only you give your happiness away. I learned this the hard way. And once in a while old habits die hard.


Tom

barb dwyer

Thanks, Y'all.

****{Tazzerino}}}
Ya, I've prayed about it quite a bit, hon. This 'rotating scheule at work and because of it -I haven't been able to attend a meeting since before Christmas. if I can't attend meetings I go nuts. I've become out of touch with some of the groups, some of the events ... you know how it is .. I'm losing touch with my family ... and it's because of this job.

God is telling me something.

IT's clear to me.

Ann is right.
I have other talents. Off and on for the duration of this
"mile long salad bar"
of a life, I've made ~ supplemented a living doing other things... creative. I always put that away when I 'went sour' ... (meaning ok - I've been good for as long as I can stand it - time to let the 'real me out' thing we all do to ourselves) either when I 'hooked up' with a man, or during the time I began drinking, bought a new horse... something.

IT's time I use the knowledge of the Self I've gained working the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and this time, without a partner ... set out on my own.

It's time to Open the Studio again and *deep breath*

See
What
Happens.


Thank you Tom

I know what I'm supposed to do.

I can feel God's hand on my head, just like a parent of a kid playing the piano.
I can FEEL it. Upping the tempo a bit is all.
Watch your timing, daughter.That's all this is.

I have some really good support around me this time, in the Fellowship, in my medical community ... in the RIGHT areas, for the first time ever. I should not be worried, or afraid - only careful.

and that is so ODDD.

StayinAlive

You go girl, you do have skills!

stillserene

Thanks for sharing Barb,I've been having my own issues about work recently.Glad to know,once again I'm not alone.Prayers to You....

best

Well if it will help any... You can pretend that I am there with you ( I am a man) and just so you stay on track..you could send me half of any extra you make or 10% of the total *LOL*

Ohhh I can eat like a horse as well so you can even think of me as a horse...Just send the money ok?

How much are smokes in your area? I am sure you are saving a bundle in that area of life..yes?

Ann

You go, girl!!!! To thine own self be true. Have faith in yourself, even blind faith and you'll be just fine

barb dwyer

I'm online now researching local grants.

spooky ... but like ... kid funhouse spooky ...

Best -
you're so cute -
yes I"m still saving $$ with the cut smoking ...
not GONE but way cut ...