newuser0607

I grew up in a family history of alcoholism (grandpas, dad, and uncles). My dad was a recovering alcoholic, until probably pretty recently. Dad had been an alcoholic for many of my young years. I could remember him coming home and passing out on the floor... fighting with my mom. And growing up with it but not saying how it effected me really hurt. I tried to live a normal life, but deep down, I saw what alcoholism was doing to my dad, and it scared me. Once he started sobering up and going to AA meetings, I felt that I could talk with him. And I did... and I let him know how I felt and how it hurt and that I may have been young and supposedly sleeping, but I was old enough to know that something didn't seem right and that I couldn't sleep with the yelling that Mom and Dad tried to hide. Dad and I worked on rebuilding our relationship...

But now, I feel that it was all for naught. A decade of sobriety... I was so proud of him.

But now... he's back drinking again Mom called me at work today to let me know the news. She's also letting my brothers and sister (who all still live at home) know that he's back at it. She says we'll get him help - but what if he doesn't want it? Dad's going through some tough times - he's finally realizing his age and that the wear'n'tear on his body is rough... and he's looking to change careers as well. Things aren't going well for him, and I know he's really disappointed my mom lately too, but I had no idea what it was.

I'm afraid of confronting my dad right now. He'd be upset to know that I'm hurting and that it's because of him. I don't want him to feel guilty... I want him to realize that his alcoholism has kicked back up again and that he needs help. I know that we can't help him unless he wants it - but how do we know that he'll want it?

For other adult children of alcoholics - if you've had parents who were alcoholics, who sobered up, and who have relapsed - how've you handled it?

utopia

wow, first of all big hugs to you for your courage in being here.

i see you talk a lot about your dad. i understand that the alcoholic in my life caused me great pain but focusin on them and their problems focused on things i could not change and ultimately on things that left me trapped and powerless, powerless i was but not completely, i had hope in me. my dad whether sober or not was still a jekyll and hyde nightmare. and even sober, how can i tell for sure that theyre not drinking with such erratic behaviour without the mistrusting way of lookin and smelling for booze... the disease is so similar and yet so unique in its ways, i had to look at what i could control, myself. and even my emotions with time believe it or not.

i couldnt recommend Al-anon more for you and your family, yet its only for yourself that you can decide whether you want to go. its your choice but i believe its only through alanon that i gained any peace and change in my perspective, any bereave from pain, relief from guilt and a chance at being happy and free in my life.

you're in my prayers
peace

Evanna

Welcome Newuser.

thrashej

Wow...........I know all too well that "knotted up stomach feeling" :turbed when you get the call that Dad is drinking again. Oh the upset of our lives!! Sleepless nights with him pounding on the windows to get into the house.......mom screaming at him......him screaming back.....passing out in the back yard and pissing on himself...........yeah, those are the memories!

Well, I have memories but honestly I have absolutely no advice on how to deal. I think Al-Anon would be a good option. My dad has been sober for a few years now consistent, but that has been due to incarceration (DUI of course). He is doing OK right now...especially considering all the stressors........getting out of prison...my mom finally dumped him after 30 years (that's what sent him on the bender that put him in prison). He is going to AA and trying. AA has never worked for him before but it did keep him sober for a decade way back when.

Is your Dad a binge aloholic? My dad was. He would "fall off the wagon" and it would mean complete destruction of our lives until he got back on. Police were called, he would show up drunk and stinking at my work, school when I was little.....full on public humiliation. He would hang out with the bums and drug addicts in the park. Sleep there and everything. And bang on the windows of our house at night to try to get more $$ from mom after he got rolled in the bars/at the park. When he wasn't drinking he was/is a dry drunk. Apart from pissing on himself, my dad is probably alot more tolerable and pleasant when he is drinking!!!

Good Luck and my prayers are with you and your family! Keep your chin up!

Katchus

0607-

Welcome to a warm and trusting place!

My A parent has been on the wagon and off again so many times. I've already been through the emotions. The first time, I was so proud of her sobriety..and because we children love so deep that our pain is just as deep, my pain of her falling off was immeasurable.

Be supportive of your father, he gave it a good try and his best shot. You won't know if he "wants" it unless he tells you. Don't judge and try very hard not to jump back into the past. This is a time for you to reflect on yourself, how are you going to deal with this? The choice is your's and your's alone. This really isn't all about him, it's also about those around him. How are you going to choose to deal with this?

He may or may not get back on the wagon, that isn't for you to decide. You are responsible for you and your actions alone. Just as he is responsible for himself and his own actions.

Nothing you say or do will be a determining factor on whether he makes the choice to get back on the wagon.

Have you looked into a support group in your area?

Best wishes on your journey.

Kat-